Calendar Of The Heart

[Euf]

 

My husband will soon be dead for 12 years.  He died in the end of August. For 11 months out of the year, I just seem to be busy with living. New friends, old friends, things to do, plans, obligations and spontaneous moments.  Just a regular life.

 

I keep waiting for the year where I forget.  Where I get half way through August and think “Oh yeah. This is the month where Jim died.”

 

So far that hasn‘t happened.  I always feel it creeping up on me. It’s just something not quite right: a wrinkle in time, a pull of the past, a memory of another life.  I’m willing to admit there is also a piece of me that wants to scream and tear out my hair and gouge my face with my fingernails. I want to wail and weep and wear black.

 

But of course, I don’t. I know it’s just an August thing.  It passes.

 

I’m twitchy today.  Unsettled.  Up and down and in between.  Then I figured it out.  It is almost August.

 

I have a good life.  When Jim died, I died, but I have rebuilt myself. I took all the pieces that were left of me when he died and I assembled them into someone new.

 

 But even that new person feels the pull of August.

 

And I miss him today.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs....I hope I always miss my guys, but I don't want that to hold me back from trying to live.

 

Maureen

[Love2fish]

Is it going to be August AGAIN?

 

Why I don't wear Hawaiian shirts anymore.  DW preferred them so I wore them because her eye became my eye.  

I think that when she left I retired the style out of respect.  Maybe I'll dig one out in a couple weeks to remind me that it's August.

[BrokenHeart2]

Hugs

[hachi]

8 hours ago, Euf said:

I’m twitchy today.  Unsettled.  Up and down and in between.  Then I figured it out.  It is almost August.

Yes, I know this feeling.   Sigh... Sometimes I am thankful I can still feel this. It reminds me that it was real, that it happened to me. It wasn't a dream. He was here. And then he wasn't.

 

I hope the days are gentle on you, and that the memories will bring the occasional smile that no one else will understand. 

[trying2breathe]

On 7/27/2018 at 10:20 PM, Euf said:

 

I’m twitchy today.  Unsettled.  Up and down and in between.  Then I figured it out.  It is almost August.

 

I have a good life.  When Jim died, I died, but I have rebuilt myself. I took all the pieces that were left of me when he died and I assembled them into someone new.

 

But even that new person feels the pull of August.

 

And I miss him today.

 

 

August is unsettling for me too, it will be 5 years on August 1st and I'm crying already.  I've made a new and good life for myself, but I miss him more now than ever.  

[hachi]

On 7/27/2018 at 11:01 PM, Love2fish said:

Is it going to be August AGAIN?

 

Today would have been our 37th anniversary. My 10th one without him. Twitchy is a good word to describe how it still feels.