Euf Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 My husband will soon be dead for 12 years. He died in the end of August. For 11 months out of the year, I just seem to be busy with living. New friends, old friends, things to do, plans, obligations and spontaneous moments. Just a regular life. I keep waiting for the year where I forget. Where I get half way through August and think “Oh yeah. This is the month where Jim died.” So far that hasn‘t happened. I always feel it creeping up on me. It’s just something not quite right: a wrinkle in time, a pull of the past, a memory of another life. I’m willing to admit there is also a piece of me that wants to scream and tear out my hair and gouge my face with my fingernails. I want to wail and weep and wear black. But of course, I don’t. I know it’s just an August thing. It passes. I’m twitchy today. Unsettled. Up and down and in between. Then I figured it out. It is almost August. I have a good life. When Jim died, I died, but I have rebuilt myself. I took all the pieces that were left of me when he died and I assembled them into someone new. But even that new person feels the pull of August. And I miss him today. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Hugs....I hope I always miss my guys, but I don't want that to hold me back from trying to live. Maureen 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Is it going to be August AGAIN? Why I don't wear Hawaiian shirts anymore. DW preferred them so I wore them because her eye became my eye. I think that when she left I retired the style out of respect. Maybe I'll dig one out in a couple weeks to remind me that it's August. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Hugs 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 8 hours ago, Euf said: I’m twitchy today. Unsettled. Up and down and in between. Then I figured it out. It is almost August. Yes, I know this feeling. Sigh... Sometimes I am thankful I can still feel this. It reminds me that it was real, that it happened to me. It wasn't a dream. He was here. And then he wasn't. I hope the days are gentle on you, and that the memories will bring the occasional smile that no one else will understand. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 On 7/27/2018 at 10:20 PM, Euf said: I’m twitchy today. Unsettled. Up and down and in between. Then I figured it out. It is almost August. I have a good life. When Jim died, I died, but I have rebuilt myself. I took all the pieces that were left of me when he died and I assembled them into someone new. But even that new person feels the pull of August. And I miss him today. August is unsettling for me too, it will be 5 years on August 1st and I'm crying already. I've made a new and good life for myself, but I miss him more now than ever. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted August 10, 2022 Share Posted August 10, 2022 On 7/27/2018 at 11:01 PM, Love2fish said: Is it going to be August AGAIN? Today would have been our 37th anniversary. My 10th one without him. Twitchy is a good word to describe how it still feels. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now