RyanAmysMom Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 I've shared a few frustrating things about my NG ..... and we're working through stuff..... I've resisted becoming too attached as this is my first attempt at a new relationship - and I'm struggling with allowing myself to be vulnerable... But this morning, he left for a 2 week business trip overseas.... He gave me a hug, and drove away..... And I felt the most devastating loss.... the intensity of the feeling caught me totally off guard.... intellectually, I know it's not forever.... but emotionally, I feel broken all over again..... Ugh..... I hate it when my brain reminds me that it's broken......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Hugs! I can easily imagine that feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Widow Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 On 7/28/2018 at 12:13 PM, RyanAmysMom said: intellectually, I know it's not forever.... but emotionally, I feel broken all over again..... This has been one of my biggest struggles with my new relationship, which is also my first. Most days I feel like I'm doing so great with this whole widow thing and building a new life for myself, and then BAM! I think it's gotten less intense now that we've been together 1.5 years but, like you, I hate the reminder. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 RAM Hope you're doing okay, and that you're in touch with him while he's away. I remember the feeling of being left behind when DH left on business trips. And then I got used to it, enjoying a bit of freedom and doing my own thing while he was away. Popcorn and a big glass of wine for dinner, for example ..... 😁 Of course a dating relationship is different, and the post-widowhood vulnerability struggle is real - it's a different scenario altogether. Widow angst for me creeps in at the strangest times, sometimes when it's least expected. Hope the time while he's away passes quickly for you ..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAmysMom Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 Thanks Trying! It's been a week...... and I'm doing ok..... I'm in CA... He's working in rural Thailand..... so communication has been limited - but I did get a great pic of him riding an elephant! You're right about staying busy and being me.... I teach 4th grade and school starts this week, so I'm busy getting things together.... (My widow bitterness is screaming that I've spent 3 years being "me" and I was just getting used to being "us" .... so the void is kinda amplified.....) BUT.... I'll live. And I'm grateful for HOPE. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAmysMom Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 So..... um........ NG's trip to Thailand has extended to nearly 4 weeks, and then a few days in Dubai, and then a few more in Seoul. Yes, it's legit work stuff. Yes, it sucks. It'll be closer to 6 weeks by the time he's back. Pretty taxing on a new relationship. Lots of pictures, lots of "miss you's" lots of sweet memes - but not much real communication.... So this morning after he told me he's extending the trip a week to go to Seoul, I told him I was mad. I told him I have spent the past few years missing people that I really care about... who have been absent for a variety of reasons... and I don't want to keep feeling lonely and longing.... Told him I totally understand that it's work - it's his first love - it's who he is - and I respect his ethic.... but I don't have to like it. I totally don't have any right to be mad..... (except that when we met, he never mentioned that he traveled for work, and didn't for the first couple of months.....) Maybe I'm hurt more than mad...... Maybe I'm just pathetic and need a life..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 RAM, I understand your feelings. In a new relationship, you want to be with them all the time. And when one party doesn't operate like that, it makes you question the depth of the relationship and pursuing it further. I have read up on stages of relationships which really could have been helpful years ago! But it is a fact in the way we grow. And then there is this. WE know time is not guaranteed. We know careers are not ultimately fulfilling, and relationships matter the most. And people without this experience CAN"t get it totally. They can give lip service, but to deeply understand that we make a choice of our time that will not ever come back is huge. I struggle with this myself, and then realize I have to live in world with folks who aren't there yet. I can't expect them to understand or even make that choice. It is hard from where we come from, honestly. So it is okay to mad, hurt and whatever else you feel. You are not pathetic. Oh, and I am working on my life activities, so I am not dependent on NG for this. The risk, of course, is we grow away from each other, because if you don't water the flowers, they die out. But, then I have activities to do if we don't work out. It is hard if you had a partner that prioritized you and your family and you knew your were the goal, the healthy family part, and new relationships cannot have that. Maybe eventually? Hang in there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAmysMom Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 Tybec - thanks for the confirmation and insight - I just read your other post - and I think you're on the right track - we need to develop our own lives and interests and hobbies and be satisfied with life with or without a significant other.... But what really resonates with me is that you get it: TIME IS PRECIOUS... and I can't stand to waste it. And people who haven't been where we are don't get it the way we do.... Hang in there.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Six weeks away is certainly taxing on a new relationship. You're not pathetic, you're being introduced to his work style that involves lots of travel. I'd be mad too. For some it would be deal breaker, it's certainly manageable if you know what to expect and structure a routine around this. I know it's important to value time spent with loved ones and to value relationships and not take things for granted, and for me it's important to value my own time with whatever I'm doing. Before getting married, DH and I had a long distance relationship that lasted three years. He traveled for business 100% of the time, working in exotic locations around the world. He invited me several times to join him on a great trip and I did, there can be benefits to dating one that travels for business. On 8/26/2018 at 7:46 AM, tybec said: I am working on my life activities, so I am not dependent on NG for this. and this^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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