Sc39 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 It has been 16 days since my husband of 10 years died, leaving me with our young kids. The pain was unbearable, i thought i would die. Yesterday and today however, i have trouble remembering much about him. When i think of him, everything gets confused and cloudy in my mind. I feel very disconnected. It is almost like i am somebody else. There is somebody else looking through my eyes, clinically assessing things, emotionless. This happens after 12 noon. From 6 am to 12 noon yesterday and today, i had panic attacks and felt like i was going crazy, then i took an anti nausea medication, and felt disconnected and cloudy for the rest of the day. Something feels wrong. It is not me looking through my eyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Hi Sc39, Nope, feeling this way is pretty normal early on in our situation. The good news is it does get better over time but getting there can be a real ordeal. Hang in there as best you can. Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your dear husband. Best Wishes, Mike 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulZ Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Hi Sc39, I remember feeling the exact same way. The first few months felt like an out of body experience for me. I can only explain it as the brain's way of protecting us from the pain, helping us to function enough to do what we need to for our kids, put one foot in front of the other. As Portside said, it does get better in time. It's over two years since I lost my wife and I only feel like I found my new normal a few months ago. It took me a long time to feel like myself again, even though the intensity of the pain eases over the months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 I'm sorry for your loss. There is nothing wrong with you other than you have suffered one of the greatest losses possible in your life. I was numb to things around me for a while. Everything felt like me looking in on life not being a part of it. In time it will change, get better and worse sometimes I'm sorry to say. As others have said before, you have made it through each day, even if it was just barely, so your survival rate is 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Sc39 I'm sorry for the loss of your DH. Yes I too remember feeling this way as well. I live rural and I remember I had to drive a bit slower. It freaked me out a bit. Thankfully it did subside. Hang in there and hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 I can’t add much to what the others have said Sc39. They are all wise and compassionate. I’d just like to thank you for mentioning trouble remembering him. I had the same symptom but I was so ashamed of it that I never told anyone. It felt like I was a bad husband. I no longer have that happen and I had forgotten it was ever an issue for me. Be well and continue to,visit here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sc39 Posted August 8, 2018 Author Share Posted August 8, 2018 Thanks to everyone for responding. It us now 1 pm where i am...and i can now breathe. The nightmare begins when i wake up and continues till midday. I am going to see a psychologist tomorrow...and hopefully a psychiatrist later in the week. I do not feel like talking to people because i do not think anyone could possibly understand what i am going through (unless experienced as well). I just read somewhere that grief is love lost...that made me feel worse....because it continued that the bigger the grief, the more the love. Why am i not sobbing and crumpled on the floor in tears then? I love him so much...i miss him....but the tears will not come easily anymore. It is just a dull ache in my chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Please don't be concerned with how your grief is expressed. It can be different for each of us and the way we show it has no bearing on the depth or intensity of the love of our spouse or your level of pain. This period is just plain hard. :( Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) The shock of losing a loved one, especially so young, affects us in many ways. Sometimes I seriously felt like I was losing it and acted in some "weird" ways in the months that followed his sudden death. The worst part of my days were first thing in the morning (I would be dreaming blissfully then wake up and realize all over again what happened) and driving to/from work (read some of my earlier posts about losing it, including when a cop pulled me over). I too was raising a young child on my own...Please exercise lots of self care during this period, take help when you can so you have some time to yourself. Your children will give you strength over the long run. Im so so sorry for you loss.... Edited August 8, 2018 by Captains wife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 I am so sorry for your loss. I also remember just walking in a haze and being numb. It was just to hard to comprehend and my mind wouldn't let it all sink in. I'm glad you are going to get see someone , just talking about it will helps some. and keep posting /reading here take care 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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