Because I have nowhere else to go, and knew you all would understand

[lcoxwell]

It has been around two years, since my last post, and almost that long, since I logged on to read what others have shared. Without the support I found here, I don’t believe I ever would have moved past active grieving or been able to build the happy life, I now have.

 

Sadly, two years ago, today, my daughter delivered a stillborn son. She had had a healthy pregnancy, with a strong, active baby. There were complications during labor, and she lost her son, most likely due to doctor error. My grandson was named after my dear husband, which is so bittersweet. As I see her grieving, and as I also grieve the loss of my grandson, I find that the horrible widdahood grief monster has reared his ugly head. 

 

My husband had a special bond with my Nutmeg (his nickname for her). IWhile I provide comfort to her, as best as I can, I cannot help but think that he would have been able to help her through her grief far better, than I can. So, at this moment in time, I am missing him so much more than I have, in a very long time. Oh, how I wish he could be here for our daughter. I can’t help, but think, he should be here.

 

Because I live across the country from her, I wasn’t able to get to her in time to be with her at the hospital. I never had the chance to hold or even touch my grandson. All I have of him is a lock of his hair, plaster imprints of his hand and foot, and three pictures. Here is one of those three pictures. He was such a handsome little boy. I feel like this is the only place in the world, where I could share this. I feel like you are the only people, who would understand my need to show my grandson’s photo. For today, I need to show that there was a baby, and there was a husband, who shared his name.

[trying2breathe]

Tears, no words ..... big big hugs to you. 

[sudnlysngl]

(((hugs)))

[Portside]

Such a beautiful boy! My late wife and I also lost a son in circumstances that are similar to your daughter's. Thank you so much for the picture. Perhaps in time, you may consider some way to route your grief into some sort of activities to honor him. I now work with indigent babies on a number of levels and it is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. It helps me to process the loss of my little M. Please consider it. I feel you would enjoy it very much. 

 

I normally think cyber hugs are an empty gesture but not today. Long distance hugs for you and your daughter. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

May his memory be Eternal.

[Lewis]

So sorry   (((hugs)))  

[sojourner]

I'm so very sorry, lcoxwell! Prayers for peace and comfort for you and your daughter on this anniversary of his tragic loss, and for the renewed grief for your husband this brings!

[Eddienhp]

So sorry for your family's loss. It is a beautiful picture. Sometimes pictures are all we have left. We learn to live with the heartache we carry throughout life. Sending you and your family peace and serenity today as you face the anniversary. 

Eiileen

[MR]

So sorry for your loss. 

Hugs

Manoj

[Virgo]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking 

[BrokenHeart2]

So sorry Icoxwell.

Hugs

[twin_mom]

There was a baby and he was beautiful. 💗

[SadSue]

So very sorry for your family's loss. Having a daughter and grandchild myself, I can't even imagine the pain you are experiencing. Tragedy has a way of making us grieve for those we have lost, no matter how long ago it is. My heart goes out to you all.." HUGS"

[Bambi]

Crying while reading but thank you for sharing with us.  Such a beautiful boy.  Heartbreaking.  xxx 

[kjs1989]

Icoxwell, thank you for posting again.  I have thought of you often since your last  post where you talked about the loss of your grandson. I am so very sorry. I understand absolutely the feeling that your husband might have been able to help your daughter through her grief. I'm sure you also must feel very helpless being far from her. He is beautiful.❤

Edited September 7, 2018 by kjs1989

[Lisa]

I'm so very sorry