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Monique

Trying to make sense of dating again...

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After a year and a half, I'm starting to really desire a connection with someone again. I've mostly found myself attracted to people who are very clearly wrong for me, but  I've also been on a couple of dates with a friend of mine who I think could be a good match. I like him, and I want to see where it goes, but at the same time I'm not sure how much chemistry we really have. Do we just need more time? Or is it possible that I'll never fall in love again the way I did with my late fiance?  Has anyone else experienced this? 

Edited by Monique

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I started dating at a year and a half too. I think it's very common to be approached by or have an interest in friends. They're familiar, comfortable. My advice would be to not have the expectation that each man you spend time with is the one. If you enjoy his company, spend time with him. Have fun! Try not to overthink it. I know, easier said than done. 

 

I can relate to being attracted to the wrong men when I first started dating too. What I realized over time was that I was choosing emotionally unavailable guys because I was emotionally unavailable too. I knew the relationship wouldn't progress, which made it "safe" for me. I wanted the company, but no feelings. If that makes sense. I'm not saying that's what is happening for you though. 

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Right now not looking for a relationship but more something casual or FWB.  I'm about 3.5 months out and miss the company and physical connection.

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I’ll share the advice I got from a grief counselor.  She was DW’s BFF and helped me through the first couple months.  I told her that I was planning on dating soon.  She said I should go for it and that I should expect some bumps and bruises.  Learning how to love again is a little like a toddler learning to walk.  Take a step, fall on your butt, repeat.

 

From my experience: Nothing about my next relationships was (were?) anything like life with DW.  My love with NG was a new experience in every way, most of them wonderful.  None of them took anything away from my love for DW.

Edited by Love2fish
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Monique,

 

When I started dating again, I realized that I am a different person than I was when I met my wife. I'm an adult, in many ways that I wasn't in my 20's. So it is likely to be with you and anyone you date. You will both have "baggage" (in both the good and bad sense of the word). You both have established, adult lives and adding another person to your life will require some changes.

 

Not saying it will be good or bad, just that it will be DIFFERENT. You absolutely can fall in love again, but it is unlikely to be in the same "way I did with my late fiance".  Embrace the differences rather than comparing.

 

Mike

 

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