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KrypticKat

Those familiar chest pains of loss

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So my first relationship after my husband is officially over. It lasted all of 3 months but it was quite the Spitfire relationship. Lots of romance and intense feelings but like many Spitfires eventually you're just left with spit.

 

The fact was I started to balance the scale and I was feeling more pain than Joy from being with this man. I was very grateful for the relationship and I feel like I've grown a lot and learned how to get back out there after such an immense loss.

 

However today I'm feeling a great deal of doubt after ending things with this guy and I woke up this morning with familiar sharp chest pains that reminded me of the first few months after my husband died. Some of you might be able to relate to that sensation. It's like somebody's pulling your rib cage apart in the front and squeezing your heart till you can't breathe.

 

It's been coming and going all day. I'm sad this new relationship is over because it had a lot of positive parts and this man was lovely but the fact is my needs weren't being met. and I found as time was going on I was feeling more frustration and anxiety than one should in a healthy relationship. And when we talked about these issues it became pretty clear they were things that were never going to change. And I still wish he was here right now. I hate feeling this loneliness again.

 

This loss is nothing compared to the loss of my husband but I feel like I have such an aversion to loss now because I never want to feel like that again. But I suppose that's the risk of getting out there. I'm sad and in pain and questioning everything today. I seem to be hell-bent on beating myself up for not being able to make this work. I don't believe it's not because I was not ready. We genuinely had in reconcilable differences which we gave an honest shot but sometimes it's just not the right fit. Yeah that's still doesn't seem to be enough to stop the pain and the self-doubt.

 

:(

 

KK

 

 

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Kudos to you for having the courage and integrity to do the right thing.  I'm having a lot of the same experiences lately - but I don't currently have the mettle to make the change - I just can't "choose" to be lonely and have those feelings of loss again......  yet.  

 

Perhaps a new perspective would help?  Maybe you've had a great learning experience, and you'll move on to something wonderful......  And that is a real possibility because you're not tied up in something that wasn't working.  All the best to you.  

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I am sorry for your pain

 when I started dating, it would often be the very wrong person. It definitely aggravated my grief. My heart goes out to you. And I admire you. I did not have such a strong sense of self.

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On 9/8/2018 at 2:18 PM, RyanAmysMom said:

I don't currently have the mettle to make the change - I just can't "choose" to be lonely and have those feelings of loss again......  yet.  

 

It's SO hard. Before the loss of my husband I remember I had such confidence. "Well I'd rather be alone than with someone and miserable." I think that line of thinking is what lead to my husband in the first place because I wouldn't settle for less. Yet now the grief monkey is in the room with me and he goes bananas anytime I choose to end something or risk another potential loss. 

 

Any chance I can return this monkey back to the zoo?scale-of-purple-monkeys-ming-johanson.jp

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Yep, been there done that.  Any went back and forth with an emotionally unavailable man for way too long.  All I did was hurt myself further and waste more time.  Hang in there.  (((Hugs)))

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