That moment you can't make it better for your kid

[Julester3]

My poor daughter! She's been working hard and doing well transitioning to high school. She's doing both tennis and marching band this fall and is quite busy. It's been almost 2 1/2 years since her dad died and she's been doing well dealing her grief but today she came undone. After performing at a band competition today and doing a tremendous job, I went down the stands to tell her she did a great job but the look on her face was not of fatigue or happiness or even of just relief that it was over, it was the unmistakable look of trying to hold back the grief. I simply asked her what's wrong and she said, "Daddy's not here to see this." I gave her a hug and said, "You know if you cry, I'll have to cry too." All one can do in that moment is to hold her and let it pass. So we sat there for a long moment and I let her cry. 

[rifatheroffour]

Sometimes a hug and a cry is all we can do for them. Three of my kids are also heavily into marching band and drum corp...my wife never got to see them in their musical glory...I still tear up for them during shows. After more than 5 years its moments like these for the kids sake and hers that get to me more than my own grief over losing her.

[Captains wife]

I'm so sorry. It was a good release for your daughter I'm sure - that must have been hard for her to look out into the audience without her Dad there. I tear up at many key events where my son is passing milestones. His father unf. didn't even see him walk or his first birthday. I feel this will continue on throughout our lives. I even felt it at my son's 7th birthday this year : ( And he did too....

[tybec]

Julester3,

Right there with you  I have a marching band kid!  And this is all new to me, us. And he started competitions 2 weeks ago. So, I am all by myself seeing this amazing thing I never knew was possible, and his dad is not there to cheer him on.  

 

They recognized seniors at this last one and the kids apparently write out a "shout out" to whomever in their statement. And parents come to walk with them and take pictures.  I did notice single folks, grandparents, and even a same sex couple.  I will be a mess that day regardless.  My son knows I will cry. I broke down at church at his confirmation service which was the sanctuary where we had is father's funeral. It is just hard.  He seems to hold it together, a 15 yr. old teen male. But he has been saying he misses his dad more often.  

 

Sometimes I wish he would cry to let me know he is processing things.  But maybe not his way.

 

I know it is hard to see your child grieve, but I am glad you and your daughter had a moment together❤️ That is actually a  real precious moment, don't you think?  Even if painful, you were together and shared.  

 

Edited September 19, 2018 by tybec

[Julester3]

My older daughter did marching band too. I stood proudly by her alone last year in the senior recognitions. It was wonderful for her but we knew it was bittersweet. She tends to pocket her grief more so than not but she has small moments when she needs to let it out. 

[tybec]

Thanks for sharing, Julester3.   I am sorry it is so hard for our kids.  You show hope that us other parents and kids will get through it as you and your daughters did, though difficult.  Your girls sound amazing.