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Ronda

Are there any normal men on dating sites?

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Went on two dates with a man I met online, talked and texted with him for two weeks and first two dates went well.  I showed up at his place today to go on third date and he had been drinking and was acting like a completely different person than the one I liked.  I am so upset.  This is the first man that I have tried to date since loosing my husband nine years ago.  Just wondering if anyone had any luck finding someone normal through online dating.

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I actually met my late husband online. However I had to sift through a sea of duds before I found him. Years of ridiculous dates. Comical even. I am by no means an expert as I've only had one 'relationship' since my husband. It was only 3 months of dating but ending that was super hard and brought up a lot of grief because it was a disappointment and another ending. I guess what I'm trying to say is feeling super disappointed is pretty normal. You're going to be sensitive after what you've been through and the disappointment of something with potential not working out will feel worse. There are good people online. My husband was a testament to that. But you have to be patient and try not to set your expectations too high. I'm sorry you found one of the Duds. At least you found out early and you can get out now. Hugs.

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I have recently started looking at online dating. I met one man a couple of weeks ago. He was still married and living with his wife, although they had agreed that they didn’t want to be married anymore. Let’s just say he wasn’t very self-aware. He wasn’t available on so many levels. I nicely told him this...and through our conversation, I believe he came to understand. He needs friends and a lawyer, not a date!

 

Maureen

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Ronda - I have now been married for ten years following the death of my late wife. I met my current wife through a faith-based online site. I found it to be a wonderful experience - a great opportunity to meet a bunch of new folks. Oh, there were some rough patches along the way, but by in large, a very positive experience.  

 

I think the big difference between online dating and the in person version is you automatically reject a bunch of guys in real life without any real contact. You know, you notice body language, looks, the way they walk (confident, beat down, neutral), etc. just by observation. They, and you, have rejected them from the pool of possible candidates for a bunch of reasons. You just know some of them aren't for you. It's all good. That's much harder to do in the online space. Sure, you have a profile to read but that doesn't give you much, so, a physical meet is needed to be set up and followed through with. And, when you meet, it's just the two of you usually. Not in a (many times) a group setting doing it the old fashioned way. The result of this then is you have to meet a lot of frogs to identify a possible prince. It's hard work!

 

Then of course it is harder for women than the men now a days. There are fewer available men as a matter of demographics. More players than you'd meet in real life. We're all older and have already partially build our lives with someone else - but now that is gone. It's not like we are starting off our adult lives with one guy. We're trying to get it started again but this time jumping into the middle. Not easy.

 

But, like I stated earlier, it can be done. Just keep at it - don't drop what is important to you but, at the same time, be open to new situations and personality types.

 

I was lucky to have a ball dating online. I learned something important from each and every woman I went out with, even though many were not for me - and I not for them. My current wife and I knew instantly we were meant for each other. Blending our families, finances, and faith was painless.

 

Try to approach it as an adventure and to just have fun. The right guy is out there, but it may take a bit of searching to find him. He is looking just as hard for you. 

 

Really! :)

 

Good luck and best wishes - Mike

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It takes patience and a sense of fortitude that you can filter and wade through the prospects. I've had many ups and downs with the online dating and now I have many a funny tale to tell. With patience, I've found someone I really truly like and respect that I've been with for the last 8 months. It's not easy but as Mike suggested, take a different approach to it and make it fun and chalk it up as a life experience. 

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1 hour ago, Portside said:

 I

 it is harder for women than the men now a days.  More players than you'd meet in real life. We're all older 

 

Good luck and best wishes - Mike

This right here says it ALL..... So many players out there now, dishonest people to have to weed through, and with us all getting "older", we don't have the patience like we used too...

 

Although, I don't know that it's harder for women than men. kind of find that one offensive, just saying. It is 2018 when are men going to learn that we womens don't like being played??? duhhh

 

It's time for all sexes to stop being immature and act like kind, mature, and loving people. How about that?

Edited by sudnlysngl

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Huh? SS, I'm not understanding how you are reading that sentence as offensive. Where/how did I suggest it's okay for a woman to be played? Why would any thinking human think that?

 

Let me try to clarify - I think it harder for the ladies than the guys due to reasons of security mainly, but also plenty of guys are buttheads that ask or allude to sex pretty damn quickly. I've had the odd, too fast request myself, but I just laughed it off. I wasn't afraid. Turn the tables and I imagine a woman would be both annoyed and a bit afraid. I could be wrong though.

 

Best wishes - Mike

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I honestly read that statement to interpret the implications that the older we get, the ratio of women to men is higher so it also makes dating tough because there is theoretically less available men than there are to available women. 

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Mike I respect what you said, and appreciate that you gave me more to understand it better. Thank you for that. 😊 

 

Now let me clarify, what I find offensive, is that so many people are acting like players when dating now. It's sad that they find that to be an acceptable way of dating and finding love in the world now. I don't see it being just a male thing. Sadly I've seen some women who do it too. I'm not one of them, but I've seen those who are in the game.

 

For me I don't find you offensive, just the majority of the world offensive, lol. Sorry....

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If a man has success 1 out of every 10 attempts he will think his odds are pretty good and keep "playin".  As long as there are women who go for that crap, the creeps will keep creeping.  There are good men out there even though it might feel like looking for the needle in a haystack.

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The good ones (men and women) eventually find someone and drop out of the online game. The players keep playing. There are good ones out there you just have to be willing to meet a lot of wrong ones to find that one that is right for you. The good news is you only have to find one good one because once you find them you can stop looking. 

 

To answer your original question. Yes I had luck finding someone online. And yes she made wading through all the wrong ones worth it. 

 

As to men, I like to think of myself as a normal man and I was online dating for 9 or 10 months. . .

Edited by Leadfeather
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Hi Ronda, I met my Fiance doing online dating, we have been together now for over 5 years. I found online dating to be quite interesting and really kind of fun. I met so many people! Many of them just regular folks trying to make it in the world. I also met some creeps and heavy drinkers/marijuana users and a few other things that were simply not a good fit for me at all. My method was quite simple - as soon as someone did something that was off for me, drinking heavily before a date and acting weird (yes that is a dealbreaker) immediately asking intimate questions, being the wrong age group for me or whatever it was, I just stopped talking to them. Just blocked them, renamed their number in my phone to 'do not answer' and literally moved on down the list. There were hundreds more men on the website to meet. 

 

I met some men and it gave me an opportunity to decide who I wanted in my life. I completely understand being upset that your date was drinking and acting like a different person. I see it like this, so glad you know now who he is! Better now than a few months in. He just freed up your time to meet someone who is much better suited to you. 

 

Yes, really cool normal men are out there. Funny, successful, kind, loving, and all that.

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Ronda,

 

I tried online dating and it really wasn't that good. It's so hard to determine if there is an attraction to someone from a picture and a few paragraphs. And, yes, there are people out there who are looking for different things. Some are looking for meaningful relationships, other just for a good time. Unfortunately, those things are not usually stated up front.

 

I met the lady I am engaged to a different way - it is called 8 minute dating. (basically a speed dating thing). The thing I liked about is is you got to meet in person so you got the body language as well as the conversation, but it was quick (8 dates, 8 minutes each)so no pressure to stick with it if you weren't interested (most of us know pretty quickly, I think). I live in a populated area (NJ) so it was close by and easy to attend. Even so, I went pretty regularly for over 2 years. I did date a few ladies during that time, but we didn't click so after a few dates the relationships ended. Then, as I was about to give up (doesn't it often happen that way) I met my (to be) fiance. She stood out like no other did - it was the intangible things that attracted me to her.

 

Either way - online or in person - it takes time, effort and luck. Keep sifting through the rubbish until you find the gem. Easier said than done, I know, but what else can we do?

 

Mike

 

 

 

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Thank you so much everyone.  I am currently seeing a very nice man.  Not sure if he is the "one", but I am enjoying spending time with him.

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I met my companion online.  Along the way, I don't think I met any players.  I did meet people who really should have been attending to bigger issues in their lives (finding gainful employment, recovering from the bitterness of divorce).   I had a hard time *getting* dates.  A lot of men just ghosted on me.

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I met a wonderful guy online (in fact, he was the first guy I dated after my husband died).  Turns out we worked better as friends and remain so to this day. Yesterday was 2 years since my husband died and he texted me in the morning to say he was thinking of me on that day.  Still knocked out that he remembered.  So, to answer your question, yes, there are normal (and nice) guys on dating sites.

 

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