When did you stop wearing your rings? Or still wearing?

[Cae]

I'm trying to decide if I should change my rings to my right hand. I started a new job recently. I think at Some point someone could ask something like..how long have you been married? Or... what does your husband do for work? ...just as a conversation starter. Actually the other day someone said...."your rings are beatiful." Thankfully she didnt ask any questions.  

I'm 52, and my husband was killed by an negligent driver.  I think if someone were to ask my about him, it would be an awkward moment for both of us. 

My thoughts are if they see the rings on right hand, they will know the situation,  and not ask.

The flip tho, is, in not sure if I'm ready to take them off. I'm curious when others stopped wearing theirs?

 

[Portside]

I took mine off around 4 months after my wife died.

 

I wouldn't be so sure that if a person  saw your rings on your right hand, they would know the situation. Folks are funny and many times not very observant or thoughtful.

 

As to uncomfortable moments, no matter what you do, there will be some. My wife shot herself and over the years, I've run into folks that didn't know and would ask. It only bothered me the first or second time. I usually said something like "Oh, you must not have heard, T. passed away some time ago." Which usually resulted in "What did she die of?" Normally, I said something like "She was very ill for a long time, and it was time for her to go." or "She was very ill and simply couldn't hold on any longer."

 

Folks usually got the message and were very nice about it.

 

Take you rings off, or don't whenever you feel like it.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Leadfeather]

I often forgot to wear my ring when we were married. She never took hers off and considered it her most prized possession.

 

I took my ring off a month or two after her death and wore both rings on a necklace for a while but didn't really like that. When I started dating about 10 months after her death I put them both away. Eventually I had her ring and mine combined into one which I wear on my right hand. I am still doing that and the woman I am dating has no problem with it. In fact she appreciates the love and commitment I had to my late wife as she knows I will bring the same to our relationship as it continues to grow and develop over time.

 

Just wearing it on the right hand does not keep people from assuming you are married. There are people who wear their wedding rings on the right hand. The Orthodox Church comes to mind. I think no matter what you do, those conversations will still arise, just be honest and tell them your story in as much or as little detail as you want. Do whatever feels right with your ring and roll with it.

[Julester3]

I took mine off within the first few months. I switched to a sterling silver fashionable ring on my middle left finger. Now at over 2 1/2 years later, I don't wear any rings at all. I  felt I needed to. All the paperwork I did telling me I was single with children over and over again got to me and so I removed the rings and put them away. 

 

There is no wrong or right way but what feels right to you. In my grief group, many still choose to wear their wedding rings and the range is a few months widowed to nearly 7 years. 

[fairlanegirl]

If it is any help, I moved mine to the right hand a few months after and they have stayed there for the last seven years. I am also in a relationship but imagine even if we marry, those rings will stay, I can't see myself ever taking them off and my boyfriend isn't bothered (if he were, I doubt we'd be together TBH). I wouldn't expect people to guess your situation but equally, found they are unlikely to ask about them at all. I think one person ever has in my case, assuming they were new engagement/wedding rings and not really thinking as in the Anglosphere they are usually on the left hand. I guess a lot of women may also wear mother's old rings etc on different hands. 

 

Mike is right, there will be a few awkward moments, whatever you do. These days if someone asked what my husband did I could say, 'Not much, he's dead!' but early on, it would have been like being stabbed.

 

My husband also died in an accident, at 43, though no one else was involved. My heart really goes out to you x

 

[PaulZ]

I stopped wearing mine at around 7 or 8 months, when I started to consider myself single again, it took a while to not think of myself as married anymore. I can echo the ideas of the other responses in that you should do what feels right for you and that it will feel less awkward in time talking about losing your spouse in time.

[Catnip]

I still wear both my engagement ring and wedding band on my left hand as always, right where he put them. It’s been 11 years for me. My wedding band is engraved with his initials to me. It's his gift to me. I guess it’s a tribute to our 26 year marriage. I feel safe with them on.

 

At the funeral home, minutes before they closed the casket, the director asked me if I wanted his ring. I had never given it a thought. Before I could even respond, my three sons, ages 17, 20 and 22 all said “NO! You gave it to him and it’s his.” So I said, “Then I want to be buried with mine.” So he was buried with his wedding ring and I continue to wear mine.

 

I don’t see the difference of moving them to my right hand. Some countries have the right hand as the traditional way to wear them. Rather, I have added a widow ring to my rings. It’s a black band that looks like an anniversary ring. I found it on line at www.expressionsofgrief.com.

[Abitlost]

I stopped wearing my ring at around six months. I remember feeling completely out of sorts trying to raise my young kids, and I felt that people would assume I had a living husband helping me so why was I struggling so? In retrospect, that was a silly reason to take it off. I would put it back on to sleep with sometimes which made me feel whole. Even almost 10 years later I put it on from time to time.

[beth_krkswidow]

At  two and a half years, I  still wear mine where he put them.  I slso wear his around my neck. I am dating someone and he does not mind at all. In fact, for a surgery, they had to remove them (I couldn't get them off. Fortunately they were able to get them off without cutting them. I  cried when they got them off and the guy I'm dating hugged me while I cried then held them for me during my surgery. I  plan ,maybe someday having a ring made of his snd mine.  But I'm not ready yet to take them off. He is still my husbsnd

Edited November 16, 2018 by beth_krkswidow
Missing important word

[lostwholesoul]

I would not put too much thought into external factors. Everything mentioned above is valid. However, it only matters how you feel. Don't let others' perceptions dictate what you want to do. If you are undecided then don't do anything. It's been 2 years, 1 month, 8 days since I last held my DW. I still wear mine. Wore hers around my neck but just have it hanging on a chain next to our bed now. No plans to change in the immediate future. All subject to change how I feel. Not anyone else. As for comments or observations; I would just handle them as best as you feel like at that time. You don't have to apologize for anything that you want or do not want to do. You can choose to tell them a lot, nothing, a version of the truth, or a straight-up lie. Your call!

 

 I was at a birthday party very recently and someone commented on my ring. They didn't know but others did about my loss. I didn't make a big deal out of it. The person didn't have ill intentions or a lecture. Just light casual conversation. I answered the questions posed and left it at that. I have also snapped back (in the past) at others that have tried telling me what I ought to do as well. I have a very crystal clear idea of what I don't want. Still working on what I do want...... Everything in time. Still haven't taken her clothes out of the room. I get the odd look/conversation about that from time to time. I start to get the lecture of"It's not healthy, this, or that......." conversation. I . don't. care. You shouldn't either. No-one can tell you what to do or how to move. And NOT move-on/forward/etc. I'm moving. That's as good as it gets for today. No-one has the right to tell you how to manage your feelings and emotions. Your loss, your rules...... This site helps a great deal to not feel isolated, awkward, and insane. Tho, all of that still comes regularly... I am so sorry you are here in this "club"......

 

[Callobg]

5 years yesterday, I still wear my ring. I do what brings me peace. I try to remember the last time someone's opinion on the matter paid one of my bills?

 

Do you my friend.

 

I love you Latisha!

[Bubu27]

Haven't taken my rings off since THAT day and never will. I kept Ken's ring while he was in ICU and having his surgeries but put the ring back on his finger when they let me see him two hours after IT HAPPENED. His death hasn't changed a thing - I am still married to him and always will be - the only difference is that I cannot see him physically until we are re-united forever.

[Virgo]

I wore my ring three times. It hurt me more than it helped me. I decided to do something to change the meaning for me. I had the center diamond removed and set into a heart pendant. He'll always be a part of my heart. Then I put the rest of my ring in a dish on my dresser until just recently. I finally decided that I didn't want it to just sit in a dish anymore. My dad passed away in February. My mom died three months before my husband over 5 years ago. My parents were both born in March, 18 days apart. I decided to set their birthstone (aquamarine) in the center of my ring where my diamond was. Now when I wear it I think about all three of them. It makes me smile.