Being Thankful

[Leadfeather]

Three days after Thanksgiving will be the second anniversary of my wife's death. Much has changed and continues to change in my life. I feel hope again after a long time of having none. Yesterday I posted the following in my facebook feed. I am reposting it here in the hopes it might help someone on this forum as I have been helped so many times when I visit here.

 

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Two years ago, this week, Christine and I were hosting our last Thanksgiving celebration together, unaware that that the Sunday afterwards she would die.

This is the last holiday of the second year that my family and I will celebrate without her.

I miss her.

But in those first weeks after her death I made a choice to live a life of gratefulness, not of despair. It is not easy to be grateful when your soul has been ripped and torn by the black talons and red teeth of death, but with God’s grace it is possible. It takes time and I could not have made this post last year. This holiday weekend, the weekend of both Thanksgiving and the anniversary of Christine’s death I will give thanks.

 

I give thanks to God that Christine was in my life.

 

I am thankful that I convinced her to date me for 2 years. (I mean seriously you look at a picture of her at 21 and a picture of me at 21 and I was punching above my weight class.)

 

I am thankful that I got to spend 25 years as her husband. (Ok I am thankful that I got to spend 22 years as her husband, and I am grateful I survived the other 3)

 

I am thankful that she gave birth to two wonderful children. (They are still semi wonderful but age has made them a little less cute and they both need haircuts.)

 

I am thankful that working from home allowed me to spend more time with her than most couples have. (I don’t have anything funny to say about this, it was truly wonderful to have the whole family home almost every day throughout the boy’s grade school years.)

 

I am thankful that we traveled together. (I wish we would have made it to Europe. It was always her dream to visit Greece and Italy.)

 

I am thankful we had the ‘what we wanted for each other if one of us dies’ conversation after the death of my father. (I love you Brendolyn, I know Christine would have liked you very much.)

 

I am thankful she was wise about finances and insisted on life insurance for both of us. (Seriously if you do not have life insurance get it. Having one less thing to worry about while dealing with the crippling grief of her death was a gift that she gave to me.)

 

I am thankful that we weathered the tough times and came out the other side stronger. (See the three years above, they were not three consecutive years, just a bunch of days scattered throughout our time together. But our commitment to being committed to each other brought us through all of them.)

 

I am thankful that we spent that last day together doing everyday domestic things together unaware that it was the last day.

 

I am thankful that memories no longer always bring tears. (There are still tears, but there is joy as well.)

 

I am thankful that she was strong in her faith. (And I pray that everyone else I love with find a faith as strong.)

 

But mostly I am thankful that this is not the end. That death has been overthrown. That she is waiting for me with my father and Christ Jesus; and that there will come a time on some distant shore, when we will meet again.

 

I love her.

 

I miss her.

 

I am thankful.

 

Be thankful.

[Callobg]

That's very deep, thank you for sharing brother. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

[Captains wife]

Beautifully written - thank you for sharing. I try hard to be thankful and your words are inspiring. Beautiful pic too !

[trying2breathe]

Beautiful picture, thank you for sharing.  Gratefulness indeed, so much to be thankful for -

[Lynnken76]

Beautifully written. It's great that two years later you are able to write this.