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ANGER TOWARDS EVERYONE & EVERYTHING


Bash1437
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In one month, it will be two years that my husband lost his battle with Stage IV Kidney Cancer. In the first year I was extremely angry, angry at God, angry that my husband had to suffer so badly and have his life taken away, angry that I became a widow at 32, angry that my 3year old will never have her father in her life. 

Even now I feel like I still carry around a lot of anger. I don’t have other widows around me. All of my closest friends have either just gotten married, are getting married, or are buying homes and creating families. And here I am widowed. I feel like half of me has died. My friends try to be supportive but they just don’t get it. And though it may sounds very mean of me, Im so sick of hearing my girlfriends complain about their husbands not helping with household chores or not taking out the trash etc. I want to shake them and tell them how lucky they are to have healthy husbands who love and protect them. They really do not know how incredibly lucky they are. It’s so hard maintaining a home, raising a child, and everything in between alone. It’s incredibly exhausting, especially when some days all you want to do is sleep and not wake up.  Sorry for the rant. Just had to get this off my chest. 

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Please vent away! Nothing feels better than simply venting and being able to unload. We get it. Anger though is understandable in your situation. It’s hard to get over the unfairness this anger can stew. I also totally understand hating listening to friends bitch about their husbands. At least they still have a living one! It’s getting to be old hat, I’m sure. Hugs to you! 

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The loss of my husband was sudden but my son was 9 months old at the time and we had just moved to new town. Didn’t know anyone and my immediate family was very far away. I relate very much to what you wrote- I had anger issues for a long time although finally got to a better place. The “petty” complaints from people used to infuriate me. My coping mechanisms for the anger was to find a therapist, started doing a lot of cardio workouts including kickboxing and tried to keep toxic people out of my space - and venting here. I’m so sorry for your loss...I completely understand and anger is part of the grieving process for many. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Dear Bash1437, I hear you loud and clear. I was 35 when my Ken died suddenly. We had gotten married 7 month 27 days before he passed away. We had had a church ceremony to have our marriage blessed planned for April 2016 (IT happened 19th Jan 2016), we were to start trying for a baby. None of it happened and ever will.

 

I am 3 yrs and 3 months into this (can't call it life, more of an existence) and even though I am not madly furious at God/ life and everything and everyone in general) I am still angry. I mean, I am still equally furious and will never accept that Ken was taken away and both our lives trashed but I simply no longer have energy to live through this every single hour of the day like I had in the first couple of years. 

 

I still avoid any social encounters though and cut any conversations about personal life short right away. I left Facebook as I do not want to see how happy other people are.  I spend my evenings/ weekends alone. I visit Ken at the cemetery every Sat and Sun and every 19th of each month. And I still envy people who get cancer/ other terminal illness/ accident and are lucky enough to die before their time. I truly hope this will happen to me one day but with my luck I will probably get to live to 100 yrs old.

 

 

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