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Last name change


November
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Did any of you change your last name after your spouse died?  Or when you remarried or if you are planning to remarry or even think of remarrying someday... If you still have your LH's last name, are you or will you change it?

  

When my husband died I was asked if I was going go back to my maiden name.  I didn't and I told myself I wouldn't because I wanted it to stay the same for my kids because it is their last name too.  BUT now I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. 

 

Just wanted to see what your thoughts are.      

 

Edited by November
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I took my husbands last name, and it became who I identify as. I'm a teacher so I hear Ms _______ all day. I also like that I share the same last name as my children. I believe if I marry again  I will retain the name I have now so the name shared with my children will remain. I know I will not go back to my maiden name, to me that would imply I was trying to remove the connection I had with my husband.

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I’ve written about this elsewhere. I was always happy I took my husband’s name, love it. But I’m childless- and five years into widowhood I finally realized that this lack of a blood connection made his family not think of me as part of theirs anymore. So I’ve started considering it. But my maiden name is kinda unpronounceable and I’m probably too lazy to do the necessary footwork.

 

I’m not planning on marrying again, but if I did I would then either switch to my maiden name or take my bf’s. Keeping my late husband’s at that point would just feel weird without kids, you know? 

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I am remarried and everyone kept the last name they already had.  I, too, am an educator and my professional identity is tied to my late husband's name.  Honestly, it hasn't been an issue and it hasn't been hard to explain.  As with most things, when and if the time comes, I say do what feels right for you.  

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I would like to change my last name, and have used my maiden name occasionally in social situations for the past few years.  It feels a little bit like a betrayal to DH, it's just that I never did like my married name.  Story for another time, but this name implies something that I'm not.   My children share this name, and I'll keep it now for that reason.  Should I marry again - unlikely I think - I'll reconsider. 

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I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I got engaged a few weeks ago. When I married my late husband I kept my maiden name, but when he adopted my son a year later, it was very important to him that we all have the same last name, so I took his last name and kept my maiden name as my middle name. I’m dreading the hassle of changing my name again, but it feels like I’d be not fully committing to my new husband if I didn’t. My son is a grownup now, so sharing a last name doesn’t feel that important anymore. I think what I’ll do is change my last name to my new husband’s, keep my late husband’s name as my middle name, and ditch my maiden name altogether.

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I actually kept my last name when I got married BUT my son got my husband's last name....I want him to keep it but I am trying to convince my son it would be a good idea to hyphenate his Dad's last name with my last name. But right now (as a young boy) he just wants to keep his Dad's last name so I am going to keep that course for now (and try and bring this up again when he is older).

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I changed to my new husband's last name and changed my middle name to my maiden name. I never cared for first husband's last name, and don't really care for new husband's last name either. I like my maiden name and use it one for the most part online. I would have preferred to just go back to my maiden name and not taken new husband's last name, but he wanted me to. Changing my middle name was my compromise with myself. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I battled Big Guy about changing my name....suggested he change his. That didn’t go over too well ha ha. In the end it was important to him so I did. I still haven’t changed it everywhere, but I’m glad I did. It’s unlikely I will ever change it again, because it’s a pain in the ass. 

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I struggled with this a bit, I have 3 sons and the connection to them is importan.  I remarried an ultimately decided to make late husband's last name my middle name and took new husbands last name as mine.  Professionally it's taking time to make the switch and so many things are still in my old name because it's a real pain in the ass.  My youngest is a freshman in high school and I will always be Mrs C to his friends.  

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  • 1 month later...

As far as I'm concerned, I am still a 'Mrs.' There was no breakup or divorce. I will be keeping my LH's name for the rest of my life. We are eternally linked to one another.  We were married 14.5 years, and he will always be my children's father. If I ever remarry, I will be using a hyphenation of the two married names. Well, I might change my mind later as time goes on, but this is how I feel now...

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One of those 'same planet different worlds'  discussions - with the greatest respect it's very hard for me to understand why anyone would change their name  at all, let alone because the bloke really wanted them to - why doesn't he change his?!  I've never understood this, even as a child. It seems a huge controlling red flag to me, if a woman is reluctant. Some idiots say (not to my face, here in NZ keeping your name is v common and I doubt with me they'd dare) 'Well it is a 'man's name' - your father's - haha'  type of thing - to which I would reply well, 1) It had been my name too for 31 years, and 2) I have three brothers - bet no one has ever said 'Ooh but it's your father's name' to them! Different strokes for different folks....

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One time years ago I made a major mistake and married a guy I barely knew..it lasted 3 months. I took his last name.

 

It was a nightmare getting my former married name back on everything.

 

I don't see me ever changing mine while my kids are young. (of course I am not in a position of marriage either right now)- We moved back to my childhood hometown. People here call me by my maiden name. ALL THE TIME. That is confusing enough for my kids. 

 

 

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12 hours ago, fairlanegirl said:

why doesn't he change his?!

Sometimes he does.  DW and I combined our names, no hyphen, 39 years ago.  What we created sounds like a traditional name but in fact I am the only one in the world currently living AFAIK.  

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On 5/1/2019 at 3:47 AM, Love2fish said:

Sometimes he does.  DW and I combined our names, no hyphen, 39 years ago.  What we created sounds like a traditional name but in fact I am the only one in the world currently living AFAIK.  

That is lovely. You were ahead of your time 🙂

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