Trying Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Today he would've been 51 but he only made it to 45. Last night we lost a dear friend. He was Tim's friend from highschool and my friend from college. He introduced us in 1998. Of course he was trying to fix Tim up with my roommate not me., lol, Tim brought another friend with him who ended up marrying my roommate. He was Godfather to our youngest. I can't help but hope there is some form of after life and that Tim was there to welcome him and they are together today for Tims birthday. How am I supposed to make it through this friends wake and funeral without Tim by my side to share the pain and the endless memories of our time together? There is a never ending supply of important events both happy and sad that he is not here by my side for and it pisses me off. He should be here to go through this with me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Hugs to you, my old colleague. I’m sorry for your additional loss. Your new husband has not lived this history with you and you are left reliving old grief with new grief for your dear friend. I’m sorry Tim isn’t here for you. I don’t know about you, but most of my family just doesn’t understand that grief resurfaces around days like birthdays and is compounded by additional losses, especially for those of us who experience the unnatural loss of someone who has not made it to old age. I’m glad you have a place to express your grief here. Hugs to you. I’m not a believer in the afterlife, but it sure would be nice if there is one where our spouses and other friends and family are having peaceful reunions. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abitlost Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Oh Trying, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Another deep connection to Tim is gone, which must be gutting. It isn't right that Tim isn't with you for this or any other big or small event Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Im so sorry Trying ! That loss must be very triggering as well.....I'm not really religious but it comforts me (and my son) to think about heaven or an afterlife and that's where our loved ones are, and meeting everyone else there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golorth Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) I find that all memorial services are triggering. I try to avoid them. And I can't sit through "Amazing Grace" at church; I have to physically leave the building so that I can't hear it. I'm nearly six years out, and that song will punch a tunnel into that grief well like no other. Throw in bagpipes? FOGGETABOUDIT!! Edited February 16, 2019 by Golorth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Hugs to you. Coming up on 8 years, and yes new events can still be hard without them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 2, 2019 Author Share Posted March 2, 2019 Thank you all. The memorial was difficult as expected. An old friend who moved away and I haven't seen for over a decade came back for the memorial. He had not been able to come back when Tim died (he was in our wedding as well as the friend who passed) so we had a lot of grief and memories to slog through. After the service he and I went to a bar/restaurant we all,used to hang out at when we were first married and lived in a different town than we do now. The memories came flooding back and it was tough but also comforting to be with someone who was with us when our life together began. Some days I feel so detached from who I was so it was nice to remember and feel that connection. yes I have remarried and am happy for the most part but I miss having the one person who was there for 25 years of memories. The one person who would understand. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Trying, I am so sorry. I got an e-mail yesterday from a friend who's been close forever. We dated some across distance for awhile almost 30 years ago, and we've kept in contact as we both married and had kids. She's one of those friends where it's always easy to pick up where we left off, someone who always saw me clearly and liked me anyway :-) My new wife Kathy and I saw her and her husband at Christmas, as she was getting some stomach problems checked out. She has now been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's so hard to not fear the worst, and to pray for a good outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 11, 2019 Author Share Posted March 11, 2019 RobFTC I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. I understand completely how hard it is to not give into fearing the worst. We have unfortunately learned that bad things can happen to good people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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