Lost with two little kids..

[Sadness]

Hello,

 

I lost my husband suddenly in October after 25 years together.  We were together since 18.  Moved around the world together. Did everything together,  Spend every waking moment together.   We never thought we would have children, but then decided to have our first 6 years ago, and 3 years ago our second.   Now he is gone, and I don't even know where to begin this life.  It has been three months, and I am completely lost.  I don't know who I am; I did not exist before our relationship.  I have no idea how to make sense of this mess that is my life. I try to be "present" for my children, but my mind drifts constantly.  I feel that I should "do things" or try to figure out who this person is that I am living in right now, but I have absolutely no energy.  I just want to sit and idle.  But I have to go to work, take care of my kids, and put on a mask every day.  Its tiring.  But then I am also tired of seeing myself not have the energy to start moving.   An then there is the constant guilt about the laziness, the mental absence for my kids, and the fact that it has been three months, so why doesn't it get better?

 

 

 

 

 

[Julester3]

Sorry for your loss. I think you are doing a good job at this point. You are working, you are taking care of the kids, and you are putting on a brave face. Those are 3 giant accomplishments at 3 months. It is tiring. When I went back to work, I simply wanted to climb into bed when I got home but I checked in with the kids and their days. I depended on simple dinner and then I would put on pajamas and either zone out in front of the tv or go on my laptop. I had no energy to do anything else honestly. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. I saved chores for the weekend when I didn’t work but I allowed myself to not worry about these things during the week. Time varies for everyone. I think 3 months is still very fresh. 

 

As for finding yourself, it will have to happen at some point. I was with LH since We were 18 as well, dated for 5, engaged for 2, married for 15 years. So I understand your concern. There was always an us but I recalled my own identity. I had to look at my own strengths, accomplishments, and my interests to find it. I decided on what was important to me and what example I wanted to lead for my girls. You can do it when you are ready and do it on your own terms. Hugs today! 

[PaulZ]

I think most of us here can relate to the lethargy, no desire to or ability to do anything more than what was absolutely necessary at that point.  Being at work and taking care of your kids is a lot.  Your mind and body likely can't handle more than this at this point, I know mine couldn't.  I had a lot of feelings of "what is the point of my life without her" for a number of months, feeling quite lost as it felt nothing in life could ever bring me happiness again.  It does get better in time.  These are life-long scars, but you will find yourself again, it just hurts for a long time.  My advice is to listen to your body and mind when they tell you you can't handle anymore that day.  It's your survival instincts kicking in, you will get stronger, but don't rush yourself.  Hope we can be of some support here for you, sorry you had to join this club

[tamara76]

So sorry for your loss. I am 4 months without my husband today, me and my 5 years old daughter. Lost him after a long battle with cancer, which he handle with enormous strength and smile on his face despite all problems, pain... At first I felt guilty, like I could/should have done something more (but we did EVERYTHING), than I felt relief that he is not suffering any more, and now... now it is harder then at the beginning! I think I am just starting to realize that he is not coming back never again and it is unbearable. From the moment he died, I have functioned well - took care of my daughter, started to work only a week after, nobody saw me crying on work, I am accomplishing all the tasks like nothing happened, but... It takes so much strength to put on the mask every day! I am proud of myself, hope that he is proud of me too, wherever he is now. I miss him like crazy, more and more every day. Our daughter is my great strength, my motive to go on, but I really can not comprehend that he is gone forever. He was my soulmate, best friend, my everything, love of my life. Hope we all feel better in time, for me it is great comfort to see that I am not alone... Hugs to all of you!

[Eddienhp]

Sadness, you are fine just where you are. You have been dealt a big blow in life. Its normal to feel just like you do. My husband passed 7 years ago. At the time. kids were 5 and 2. It was so hard to work, take care of kids plus grieve. I remember feeling like a robot. It did get better, little by little. Now it is a lot better. I still think of my husband everyday and I miss him. I do feel I have recovered from the pain of the loss. It no longer wears me down. Have faith that you will survive. You will find yourself. Your life will be redefined. Life can and will be happy again. We learn to be grateful for the time we had with our loved ones and carry them with us throughout our journey.

 

Sending you hugs,

Eileen

[MURPHY]

Hi. My boys were 2 and 7 when he passed, and so remember your feelings. I am at 17 yrs, my boys are now grown up. I didn't think I'd make it but we all still here. You just keep doing what you can, I often feel I could've done more but raising them alone, working alone, making decisions on my own. I now know I did all I could and they are not bad kids so all in all we made it, you will too 💕