Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

sudnlysngl

TRUTH: It doesn't always get better for everyone!

Recommended Posts

All of us hear that it's going to get better with time! Well guess what? It's been 12 years now for me and it has NOT! 

My family turned away from me when they learned that there really isn't a death lottery , or wasn't one for me!

All my friends couldn't handle my sadness, and my best friend died too within the first year and a half!

My son had just gotten back from Iraq, couldn't handle losing dad, so he threw mom away too! No matter how many times I've reached out to him!

Everyone of our pets died within that first year right in front of me , like I was being punished for taking good care of him while he was sick or something!

Dh's only sister died within the year and half after him, and I got to the hospital just in time to see her taken off of life support, oh lucky me, NOT!

I allowed myself to be vulnerable and let someone in my life after 5.5 years, and he stole me blind! Little by little, he was poisoning me too!  But I should trust people? Really?

Because of that jerk had to sell my home of 26 years, daughter said I could live with her, she had come back home to many times to count, even had her baby 2 days before her dad died. Now 7 months later I'm having to move after staying in a camper instead of the extra bedroom, spending money I should be saving, cause she is to lazy to clean up and make room for mom like I did for her. Forget that I still haven't had the surgery I was suppose to have had a YEAR ago!

Oh, and she acts like it's no big deal! All I can do at this point is cry and feel used and like I've been thrown away again!

I've always been good to others, believing that what goes around comes back around good and bad. So I've done my best to be a good person and help others, not bother people when you shouldn't, and just be there for family and such. 

I'm so hurt that this is where it has gotten me!!!

All Alone and almost broke and on the streets, thanks friends and family!

Share this post


Link to post

Sorry you are finding yourself in a continuing storm.

 

Is there anything one of us can do to help?

 

Mike

Share this post


Link to post

You have really been dealt a poor hand so to say and that sucks and it’s totally not fair. 

 

Is there anything we can do? I’m near Chicago. 

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks Mike😏

 

Just found out my dog is dying too, 😥, has cancer so doesn't have much longer. Vet won't do surgery and can't really afford it, but at least he can go with me.

 

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks Julester

I'm by the space center in Florida

How about a moving party starting Thursday? :)

The weather is nice here :):) 

 

Funny thing is I used to tell my kids that life isn't "fair", fair is where you go get on rides and have fun! That used to piss them off, lol

I know I will pull myself up by my boot straps as the ol saying goes, but damn I'm tired of the crap , ya know?

It would be nice if things would go ok for once, just once....

Know anyone who wants to buy a 2016 RV? It's really nice Selling it for $21,000 it's a pull behind 35 footer, 3 slide outs and I have clear title

It's mine, have all the details if anyone wants , let me know

 

Again thanks Mike and Jules, I knew I could come here and put my heart out and be real. ❤️

Edited by sudnlysngl

Share this post


Link to post

You definitely won’t like Chicago right now. Polar vortex levels of cold with negative degree wind chill. It’s unpleasantly cold. 

Come on spring! Hurry!

 

Seriously, we all can only take so much garbage before snapping! Hugs nevertheless. 

Share this post


Link to post

I am so sorry all this is happening to you.  I cannot explain or understand why some folks get such hardships.  None of us are better than others when it comes to life and unfair blows.  Please know that people care, lift you up, even though you are so far away.  

 

And you are helpful to others.  You share a lot here in a way that I am sure reaches many.  

Edited by tybec

Share this post


Link to post

Hi.  I just wanted to say that I've had a rough year.  I don't think it is grief as much as it is just a lot of sh*t all at once and I'm getting older and you know, hormones.  I am sure it mostly looks pretty ok on the surface but we've had a lot of stress and illness and death and its just kind of made everything feel really heavy all of the time.  It piles up sometimes and leaves me feeling exhausted, reminding me of what grieving felt like but it isn't the same thing. 

 

One of the things I have tried to do to keep it all in perspective is to have reasonable expectations for a given day - and if that means I do nothing but stay away from the internet and drink tea and read a novel in my pajamas well then that can be good enough for a day.  I am sorry that you are suffering.  I am far away in southeastern PA but as Mike said, if there's something we here can do to help, please say so.  Be kind to yourself.  

Share this post


Link to post
5 hours ago, Toosoon2.0 said:

Hi.  I just wanted to say that I've had a rough year.  I don't think it is grief as much as it is just a lot of sh*t all at once and I'm getting older and you know, hormones.  I am sure it mostly looks pretty ok on the surface but we've had a lot of stress and illness and death and its just kind of made everything feel really heavy all of the time.  It piles up sometimes and leaves me feeling exhausted, reminding me of what grieving felt like but it isn't the same thing. 

 

One of the things I have tried to do to keep it all in perspective is to have reasonable expectations for a given day - and if that means I do nothing but stay away from the internet and drink tea and read a novel in my pajamas well then that can be good enough for a day.  I am sorry that you are suffering.  I am far away in southeastern PA but as Mike said, if there's something we here can do to help, please say so.  Be kind to yourself.  

Thanks toosoon. Wish a cup of tea was the answer and hormones was the problem but can't say it is!

Had the good ol hysterectomy 27 years ago, right when dh and I were trying to have a baby!

I'm sorry your having a rough year as well, hope that your tea and pj's bring you comfort, and I really mean that .

I just wish it was 1 year, I could do 1 year, Hell, I've done 1 year over and over and over......

Anyways, best of luck to you, I have to get back to moving again, whilst I ponder my reasonable expectations about life :) 

Share this post


Link to post

I didn't mean to diminish in any way what you're going through (I was once in a brief abusive relationship and I know how difficult it is to choose to walk away).  All I meant was I think we sometimes demand so much of ourselves or the world demands so much of us that its ok not to have it "together" every now and then.  I've been sick for the first time in my life and its been really hard both physically and emotionally and it has slowed me down but life keeps racing on, life doesn't care about my sleep patterns or how my illness limits me.  Its hard.  So I guess I was just sending a wish of solidarity.  Sometimes you have to give yourself a day to just drink tea (or wine) or watch tv or read a book - a day as I say to my husband, that I need to get myself back to the center, to get myself back to a place where I can think clearly (and yes, I am writing this at 4:30 am which is not the center where I can think clearly😊).  You've been through a lot - I wish for you only peace.  xo

Share this post


Link to post

I'm so sorry. I know that words aren't going to help but that is all I can give right now.

 

I have not had anywhere near your experience in the 6+ years since my husband's death. I've had some good periods and some horrible ones. Too many losses to list and they have just compounded the original loss of my husband and increased the isolation that came with his death. I just want to say that I appreciate your honesty. Too often we feel like we have to put a good face on - whether it is to fool ourselves or to fool others. But that face can end up feeling more isolating.

 

I'm so overwhelmed right now dealing with significant behavioral and mental health issues with my teen daughter and feel like I'm drowning. You're right - for me right now it feels worse than when my husband died. I know for you that has been a steady 7 years of pain and loss and, perhaps worse of all, a feeling of betrayal by those who should be supporting and helping you.

 

This doesn't help ease your pain but know that I am thinking of you and hoping that you can find someplace that gives you some space to heal. Wish we could all rally around you physically but will just have to do so virtually. And I'm so sorry about your dog now.

 

Hugs.

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Posted (edited)

That is ALOT to go through....I'm very very sorry. When things unravel (and it sounds like you have had more of your fair share of negativity and toxic people in your life) I would suggest trying to take a step forward, slowly and take one step at a time. I understand your anger (as is clear in your post) so maybe find an outlet for that - therapy, running, kick boxing...something to get those frustrations out. (It helped me a lot). Do you have some local friends or church or support group who could be your support system now? I would also express to your children how hurt you feel from their behaviors. Please be good to yourself and try and find ways that you can heal from all of this. Its more than anyone should have to take on.

Edited by Captains wife

Share this post


Link to post
Posted (edited)

Thanks for all the love and support! CW, church is definitely not a place for me right now as they were some of the most back stabbing vicious people that helped the ex do what he did. 

Any way I discovered that I still have my since of humor or I have lost my mind completely! I moved into an apartment and on the 3rd day this guy with a white mullet introduces himself. Offers to help me move stuff, he has NO teeth, then says, "when we have sex "!

I looked at him and calmly said to him that he was crazy and creepy, and he needs to get away from me because I never gave him or anyone else the idea or impression of any of that!

BTW , I paid for movers so no one helped but them

My apartment is next door to the owner with extra security:) and my dog is here to...🙂

Edited by sudnlysngl

Share this post


Link to post
On 3/6/2019 at 8:57 AM, Captains wife said:

. I understand your anger (as is clear in your post) so maybe find an outlet 

CW I keep thinking about your response, especially this comment here. 

First let me say that it's hard to read someone's attitude or emotions in written form sometimes. 

I'm not angry, I am hurt,disappointed, devastated and even saddened. I know I have the right to be angry but I'm not!

You know when I have responded to your post as well as others I've always tried to be careful about not putting a hurtful label on any of you!

Your Comment was hurtful and judgmental when this is the place where we are supposed to be able to go to vent, share and open with out judgment. 

So next time if I share and if I am angry I will make sure to say that I am. At my age I have no problem saying so, thanks...

Just wanted to share that thought as I'm going through enough right now, but I'm not angry 🙂

Share this post


Link to post
Posted (edited)

Ok - I wasn’t being judgemental or trying to be hurtful and was honestly trying to be helpful. If I’d gone through what you did I would feel angry. But if my support isn’t helpful I’ll take it elsewhere. 

Edited by Captains wife

Share this post


Link to post

I didn't say that none of it wasn't appreciated or helpful. I just said that statement or comment felt hurtful to me. I also stated that when you said I was angry that you were labeling me. 

It's easy to feel hurt or out of sorts when we can't hear another person's tone in written words. 

I have NO ill feelings towards you, just wanted you to know that I'm not angry. Just extremely hurt, devastated, disappointed and saddened by all the events that have taken place. That's all! 

(((HUGS)))

Share this post


Link to post

It seems as if some of us were just dealt raw deals. My whole life was planned, sorted. I certainly didn't plan or God forbid ever thought that this would happen. I raised 2 boys alone, I had to move away from our home town to study part time and improve my job prospects. I didn't have enough energy left to be a mom and spoilt them rotten to make up for what they'd lost. One relationship, of 2 years, he was married I only found out after he broke it off. I moved in with someone after 8 years, only to get involved with a narcissistic, abusive alcoholic, who tried to destroy everything I owned and tried to make me dependent on him. I packed up and left with nothing and slept on the floor in my new apartment just to get away. I was diagnosed with MS. I ended up in a psychiatric facility only to realise ... because of the anger I held toward my LH for dying and not ever dealing with it I took my anger out on any possible suitor. That was 2011. Since then I have not dated and decided to start getting my ducks in a row. Sometimes you do feel like you're stuck in a shit storm and somedays I still do. 

 

I am not writing this as to compete with what you are feeling, but just to let you know you are not alone. One thing that I have realised though is that I am a much stronger person now than I ever was. I now concentrate my energy on helping others. My elderly folks, my family, anyone that I can. After 17 yrs, yes I now do not ever see myself marrying again and I am at peace with it. 

 

I can now only hope that my days of mistakes are over and I can find enough to keep me happy and constructively busy. 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.