Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

Gem

Broken Heart.

Recommended Posts

Its been a little over two years now ..Still feels like yesterday..im still waiting to die of a broken heart..i keep trying to do good thing, hoping, this is what i have to do before god will take me..and here i sit...hating my life ..i dont mean to cry all the time i just cant stop.. Whats keeping me here?? if god would tell me i would do it so i can just wrap this life up ..im really not a hater i always used to love life ..i still find myself telling others, its alright things will workout ,stay positive , stay happy ,theirs a better day ahead ..im such a liar.. in reality my heart breaks for whats ahead of them, death ,loneliness ,being stuck in a place you dont want to be , and not knowing how to get out of this place.. so obviously i haven't moved on .i dont know how too.so im still waiting to die of a broken heart.I will pray that all of you are doing better then me . 

Share this post


Link to post

Gem, keep going one day at a time.  Are you getting out of the house at all?  Try to find something you might like to do.  Maybe trying "fake it till you make it" could help until you find what you may like to do.  Baby steps.

Hugs

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you!! BrokenHeart2    ..Im so sorry to all ..It seems when im at my most hardest moments i come on here and vent negatively, its all true, but it shouldn't be put out there so hard,when i should try to be more of a help..His birthday just went by , winter should be over (cabin fever and boredom) and it snowed again . i miss him terrible and will always miss him.. My hardest part is all the pictures in my head and the end memories of him dying ..i just cant stop seeing it and it kills me inside..but forward i will keep going.. and hold the hope, that one day i wont cry every day..I am so sorry again for being so negative in my statement ..HUGS and LOVE to everyone. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Gem, no apologies to us. That's why we're here. We've all been where you are now. Someone listened. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time now but I'm glad you came here. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Gem, same here. It was 3 yrs 2 months yesterday and even though I am able to function "normally" now, I still wish I could simply die. I actually feel guilty of not dying when my Ken did. As I hadn't died of broken heart when he did, does it mean I didn't love him enough? When I read of people who get cancer, sepsis or die in accidents, I feel jealous and secretly hope same will happen to me one day. I know it has been over 3 years but time heals/ changes nothing. The pain doesn't lessen, you simply get used to living with it. From the outside I might seem to be coping and in a way I do, but inside I am dead and empty. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Gem, I am at 7-1/2 years and I just now feel like I have healed from the pain. I was on a very slow road of grief that had so many obstacles along the way. I questioned God too. Why was I still here. Somewhere in the middle I found my purpose; to help people with disabilities. My son is disabled. I started a social skills group in desperation to help him. Seeing those kids come in with smiles brought my joy back. Watching their parents de-stress in the waiting room knowing this was the only place they wouldn't be asked to leave due to their child's behavior make me realize the significant impact we made on a family. Now I reach further to become a state recognized provider so we can offer more. I was taken down a road that led me to here. I most likely wouldn't have taken the road if my husband were still alive. Do I love life? I am not sure I am there yet. Do I enjoy my life again? Mostly. I feel my loss and I have learned to accept it and live with it. My life is good. We have everything we need with the exception of a Dad/Husband. 

 

You are questioning why you are still here. Asking God why. I feel this will lead you to the place you are supposed to be. Try to be patient. It will come to you. One bit of advice if I may. Make sure you take care of yourself. I let self care slide now I am paying the price for it. Hang in there. 

 

Eileen

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

I'm with Eddie.  I didn't feel healed until 7 years.  But that was little by little. When I was at two years, I was still very raw.  Two years is still considered newly widowed in my book.  At three years I started to feel lighter.  Not healed, lighter.  So please know that what you're feeling and experiencing are very "normal".  Society has an unrealistic idea on grief and the time it takes to heal.  Just watch a Hallmark movie.  The newly widowed woman or man always bounces right back and finds love again in just two short hours!  Ahhhh......if grief were only that simple.

Edited by StillWidowed
  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post

Hi everyone

I just registered.  I am reading all of what you all have written.  I am nearing 2 years and it feels like yesterday.  My mind takes me to what we would be doing if this had not happened.

I smell grills cooking on a cold winter night and think, "We probably would have grilled something for dinner."  I sometimes think this did not really happen.  Lately I have been thinking that a lot.  

My emotions are all over the place and from what I read and what my therapist says, nothing is going wrong.  You are not losing your mind.  I feel like replying, "everything is wrong!"    Honestly, if I did not have my adult kids near 

me, I think I would mover away. What hurts most is that no one can help me.  I am trying to turn more towards God .   I am wondering what my life purpose is.  I have volunteered a few times and plan on continuing, I am an educator and a new grandmother.  I am so thankful for what I have and I keep telling myself this, but I have to also say that my spouse was my life. We had so many plans .  Sad, lonely, scared ....

Share this post


Link to post

Lisa best, I am so sorry - at 2 years out, it was still very tough for me....Im doing much better now (at 8 years) but I remember what 2 years felt like. Take comfort in your kids, seek outside support (You are not alone! We are here). I too also found myself re-evaluating my life - and took a few new turns that I probably wouldn't have as a widow. Be good to yourself and wish you all the best. This is NOT an easy path but we need to trudge through it to get to a better place.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.