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Hoarding?


tybec
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Sunday rainy afternoon and under the weather, I stumbled across that hoarding show on TLC.  I heard of it, but never watched.  I heard sometime that most hoarders have a significant loss, usually suddenly, that triggers the behavior. I watched two hours 😲  Both ladies had lost their husbands suddenly and started this behavior.  One lady had food in her fridge, 15 yrs. old from her husband, unable to part with it. She was a teacher, and NO one, including her neighbors, had any idea. She looked fine on the outside, and hid it a home.  It made me terribly sad for them both.  And they were blind to their hoarding, still rationalizing it, minimizing it though one house was under foreclosure due to health reasons (the teacher). Not sure why I am sharing.  Made an impression on me. 

 

This site is helpful.

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Thanks for sharing. I've read about hoarding behavior after loss and I understand it. That's the scary part. It must be difficult to live in space that is totally cluttered. A plumber was here a few years ago for some issue. He just came from a call for frozen pipes. The lady would not allow him in the house. He thawed the plumbing in the crawl and garage. He explained to the customer that it's necessary to thaw any frozen areas or it will all refreeze. She was adamant in her restrictions. He was concerned about her. He thought she may be hoarding. 

 

 

 

Edited by soloact
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7 hours ago, tybec said:

Sunday rainy afternoon and under the weather, I stumbled across that hoarding show on TLC.  I heard of it, but never watched.  I heard sometime that most hoarders have a significant loss, usually suddenly, that triggers the behavior. I watched two hours 😲  Both ladies had lost their husbands suddenly and started this behavior.  One lady had food in her fridge, 15 yrs. old from her husband, unable to part with it. She was a teacher, and NO one, including her neighbors, had any idea. She looked fine on the outside, and hid it a home.  It made me terribly sad for them both.  And they were blind to their hoarding, still rationalizing it, minimizing it though one house was under foreclosure due to health reasons (the teacher). Not sure why I am sharing.  Made an impression on me. 

 

This site is helpful.

what I don't understand is how in the world do they afford it and their houses too? And most of those people don't seem bothered by it.

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I will admit that I have amassed an obscene (but cool) collection of vintage housewares that I have never and will never use.  I need to sell them or somehow otherwise get rid of them.  Somehow my hard work at the thrift stores and garage sales has resulted both in our not needing to buy clothes brand new (I am a weird non-consumer person) but also, ironically, a lot of random stuff we don't need.  Maybe I need to watch that Netflix show about stuff that doesn't give you joy.  I have an insane collection of "state plates."  and a wide array of specific crockery for 1970-s food I will never make.  WHY?  Honestly, who needs this stuff?  I believe for me it is nostalgia.  Finely crafted things from my childhood or before hold some meaning to me and I think that is ok but it also needs to have a limit.  Rambling, sorry.  

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Interesting post, tybec.  I'm a relatively tidy person and have watched this show, it is sad that a loss can sometimes trigger this.  I don't hoard at home but I have stored for over four years all of the furnishings from my last home with DH as it's painful to think of purging these items.  Out of sight out of mind,  I'm hope to gather the energy and courage to sort and start the purge process.  I don't consider myself a hoarder but in reality I guess this is hoarding ...

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On 2/25/2019 at 10:27 PM, sudnlysngl said:

what I don't understand is how in the world do they afford it and their houses too? And most of those people don't seem bothered by it.

 

The hoarding behaviors are not necessarily expensive. People who are suffering can keep all sorts of items that are inexpensive or free. 

 

My husband always liked to look at every one of his mail pieces. I toss obvious junk mail immediately. After his death it was very difficult to toss his junk mail. I indulged myself for a short period of time in small space of his. I can understand how that behavior can begin. It's not as easy to understand how it continues to take over most of living space. I'm not in those moccasins to I am not in a position to judge. 

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Was not meaning to be judgmental.  Was more 1) sad they were so isolated:; 2) it could have been me just as well ;

3)  loss comes out in many ways, sometimes devastatingly.

 

Hoarding to a clinical debilitating way is very different.  

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hoarding-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20356062

 

This board is one way to not be isolated, although it is not IRL. Can still be so helpful.

Edited by tybec
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There is hoarding in my family tree, on both sides. So I have tried to keep on top of my desire to ‘collect’ cool things. I joked that we bought a small house in order to curb my desire to possess these lovelies. Most everything in my home is either a hand-me-down, bought second-hand, or found by the side of the road -so you can do this pretty cheaply😀 Fortunately, I also like to keep things pretty organized. And, heck, I don’t even buy paper towels because when clothes have reached the end of their usefulness I turn some of them into rags. I hoard food scraps and put them in the composter for good soil or the freezer for future broth. I hate waste. I try to direct the hoarding tendency in positive ways! 

 

Seriously though, one of my big fears after my husband died was that the gene would kick into High Gear and my fabulous eclectic decorating style would descend into pure chaos. The year after he died I cared little about my house-keeping, had an enormous stack of mail I could barely be bothered to attend to, and everything that was his were sacred relics. Except for the medical stuff- I could not get that shit out of my house fast enough. But, thankfully, after that first year all I’ve wanted to do is purge, purge, purge. It’s been a slower process than I would like, and I will likely never be a minimalist, but I have a lot of gratitude in my heart that all I want to do is keep simplifying my life. 

 

Hoarding is not a choice- there is usually a lot of shame, secrecy, and denial involved- my heart breaks for my fellow wids who struggle with this. Thank you for bringing up the topic, tybec- you never know who might need to see it ❤️

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@tybec, your post did not seem judgmental to me. My reference was to my own statement that I can understand how the hoarding behavior begins. It's not as easy for me to understand how it continues to take over most living space. I was referring to my own post. Sorry if it read differently.

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My 23 year old son's room is as chaotic as those hoarders houses and I do fear he has that type of personality. He says that when his room is clean and neat he feels uncomfortable , that the closeness of the stuff filling space in his room makes him feel cozy......ok it could just be an excuse for being lazy but he makes it sound as if it's a true emotional reaction to clean and neat.

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