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I find that some parts of the day I can't control how I cry.   Other times I feel happy and optimistic for life.  By nature I have always been a realistic optimist.  At work I develop 3-5 year strategic plans, so looking forward is always something I will do.

 

I sometimes force triggers... watching a video of her or looking at pictures of her or listen to certain songs.  Those invariably make cry right now.   Should I continue to force triggers or should I let grief come to me?  

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I don't know if there is a right and wrong answer here.  Your wife was a vibrant part of your life and I think that you might naturally want to reach to those things that trigger memories.  It seems like you have a balanced approach to your life at this point...and it really hasn't been that long for you.  I think it would be a bigger problem if you tried to suppress your memories and if you don't find ways (like crying) to express your grief.

 

It won't always be as emotional as it is right now.  The intensity fades over time.  I hope you can keep your optimism.  I know that I hate being miserable, and I have to keep hope that life will be better in the future.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

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It's good to let out these emotions in my opinion.  I certainly did, especially in the first 6 months.  It can feel really good to have a cry sometimes.  I'm 2.5 years out now.  I only get really sad now when I think of my wife's funeral or the day she died.  Of course we all wish this never happened to us, but we can't change it.  I can smile and laugh now when I think of her, instead of being sad.  I think all of us like to look at pictures and videos and cherish our memories, hopefully as time passes, this will bring smiles and laughs, but it takes time to get to that point.  Take care, Paul

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Count me in the “triggers can be our friends school of thought”

Most of them sneak up on me like thieves. I get a small sense of control when I’m the one choosing the time and place. 

 

I am also a firm believer that I have a kind of debt to pay for the blessings I have enjoyed. The currency of that debt is heartbreak and tears. If I make my daily payment early in the morning I can go most of the day before another is due. 

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Hi everyone, I lost my husband of 33 years just three weeks ago. This site has helped me realize there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I stayed in bed until 5:00 this morning, I have been getting up at 3:00, so this is progress. I also have a hard time going out at night, as the idea of coming home to an empty house is very difficult for me.

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15 hours ago, laurie27 said:

Hi everyone, I lost my husband of 33 years just three weeks ago. This site has helped me realize there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I stayed in bed until 5:00 this morning, I have been getting up at 3:00, so this is progress. I also have a hard time going out at night, as the idea of coming home to an empty house is very difficult for me.

I am sorry you lost your husband.  I’m happy that you found WIDDA and that it is already helping you.  I see that this was your first post. Keep them coming. It is good that you have progress with sleeping. Now let’s work on making it ok to go out more.  

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