Emotions always so close to the edge...

[rifatheroffour]

I have always been in touch with emotions and certain movies etc could make me teary eyed. In the last 6 years though those emotions are so much more intense and close to the surface all the time. A simple movie with a tender moment or the right song can have me in tears. I understood why that happened early on but I would have thought over time it would get better. I can talk about my wife's story of declining health and unexpected death with a dry eye these days but show me a movie with a kid who has lost a parent or about young tender love,  or an old loving couple etc and the tears just flow instantly. They are quiet tears but streaming down the cheek not just moist eyes. 

 

This never seems to end even though most days are indeed better and sometimes they are even good. I am a changed person and figuring who I am and what I truly want out of life now is such a challenge.

[soloact]

Sounds familiar. Reruns of Little House on the Prairie can reduce me to tears at certain scenes. I think it's just part of who I am now. 

[PaulZ]

I've noticed this for myself as well.

[tybec]

I am not a person who shows emotion easily or often.  Since LHs death, I do now as well.  And anything with my kid brings ugly tears, even in public.  Graduations, honor awards, and it’s on.  He has accepted it. 😳😉😊

We know deep pain.  So we know great joy, too.  ❤️👍😉

[donswife]

This is so true. 

Like you said it's the quiet tears that just flow.

 

[Toosoon2.0]

FWIW, I have been a wreck lately.  No clue what has gotten into me but I hear you and I get it.  Big hugs.  

[BrokenHeart2]

Yes, I have just come to accept this is part of who I am now.  I too didn't use to be this way.

[Bunny]

I’ve always been someone who cried both tears of sorrow and joy fairly easily. Now...it seems to take even less to get me there! And, when it happens, there is just this added element in my heart that takes my tears to a different level. I am, in a strange way, grateful for it. Though I notice I need to buy water-proof mascara now and keep a handkerchief always near at hand! Conversely, I also feel a certain detachment from the world that was absent before. 

[hachi]

22 hours ago, Bunny said:

Conversely, I also feel a certain detachment from the world that was absent before. 

I feel this way as well. It is as though I just can't go there because I believe that if do, I will never stop weeping. 

[rifatheroffour]

4 hours ago, hachi said:

On 3/25/2019 at 11:47 AM, Bunny said:

Conversely, I also feel a certain detachment from the world that was absent before. 

I feel this way as well. It is as though I just can't go there because I believe that if do, I will never stop weeping. 

 

Yes, I also have some sense of this. For me I always thought of more like my threshold for feeling sorry for someone else is higher. Like they have to hit a certain level of pain or loss for me to register it. Writing that out makes me sound like a bit of a monster or self righteous and I rather prefer Hachi's perspective.

[tybec]

 

“Yes, I also have some sense of this. For me I always thought of more like my threshold for feeling sorry for someone else is higher. Like they have to hit a certain level of pain or loss for me to register it. Writing that out makes me sound like a bit of a monster or self righteous and I rather prefer Hachi's perspective.”

  

I get this, also.  It is a undesirable trait but I had/have it sometimes.  Early on,  a “drama” colleague’s  daughter had a car accident.  Nothing serious, no medical care but she was shaken.  I was very logical with her and came across heartless.  I remember saying something along the lines,  “well, she is fine.  Just the car is damaged.”  She didn’t like that as I wasn’t addressing her concern of something worse could have happened.  Now she KNEW my husband DIED in a car accident, so I just couldn’t give it to her.  Maybe not my finest moment but she forgot who I was, as well.  It happens 😔

 

Edited March 26, 2019 by tybec

[RyanAmysMom]

I SO understand....  and my kids are so sick of seeing my cry all the time!  It's been 3.5 years, and I will still be driving home from work and just start crying... or sitting watching a GEICO commercial, and start crying.....  

 

My NG, who has been very supportive and encourages me to talk about hubby, recently asked me if I'd had grief counseling....  I told him YES... but this is just me....  

 

[beth_krkswidow]

On 3/25/2019 at 10:47 AM, Bunny said:

I’ve always been someone who cried both tears of sorrow and joy fairly easily. Now...it seems to take even less to get me there! And, when it happens, there is just this added element in my heart that takes my tears to a different level. I am, in a strange way, grateful for it. Though I notice I need to buy water-proof mascara now and keep a handkerchief always near at hand! Conversely, I also feel a certain detachment from the world that was absent before. 

Bunny, I n could have written every word of this

Cry at the drop of a hat.  Almost anything can reduce me to tears. 

And I  have much less empathy for others.  I  compare their problems to losing the Love of my life my wonderful Kirk ... and if it's not nearly that devastating anr shattering,  I  feel nothing.

And I used to be a very compassionate person 

[Love2fish]

On 3/25/2019 at 11:47 AM, Bunny said:

there is just this added element in my heart that takes my tears to a different level. I am, in a strange way, grateful for it. 

I've been saying this to myself and wondering if I was just nuts.  I probably am nuts but I think the different level has to do with having reached a deeper level of love.  With DW my heart grew three sizes during her last year.  I never imagined that I could love someone that deeply.  This month I lost NG and I found another deeper level of love.  It is a humbling experience and I am grateful for it.  The tears which flow so easily now are all bought and paid for.  Might as well use em.