It's been 10 days

[Melissa brown]

Hi, I am so glad i found this site. My name is melissa. I am 41. And my husband died from rectal cancer just ten days ago. We have three children ages 18, 16, and 13. And we are heartbroken. Although,  he was home with hospice for a few days and we knew how sick he was, it has still hit us hard and personally I am struggling and just need some advice from people who have been walked in my shoes. I have a very supportive family but I wasn't prepared for this pain. My husband was only 41 and I feel he was robbed of his life. Please help.

[rifatheroffour]

Melissa,

So sorry you have had to join us here but you will find many supportive voices. Take each day or even minutes one at a time. Drink water, it's easy to forget the simple things. Hug your kids and be open with them with your emotions. You will draw strength from each other.

 

My wife died just over 6 years ago, my 4 kids were 16 to 11 at the time.

 

Wishing you peace...

Edited April 1, 2019 by rifatheroffour

[Melissa brown]

Thank you. Finding this site has helped me already

 

[trying2breathe]

Melissa   I'm so very sorry for your loss, and to find you here.  This has been a place of comfort and support for me, and I hope that you find the same here.  My husband died suddenly over 5 years ago, my children were 14 and 16 at that time.   Take a day at a time, do just what is essential and take whatever help is offered.  I wish for some peaceful days ahead for you. 

Big gentle hugs ~

[Julester3]

I am sorry for your loss. You need time to process as it is still so early and fresh for you. Many of us know how you feel. My own husband died of a heart attack nearly 3 years ago and he was only 40 years old, 5 weeks short of his 41st birthday. My girls were 12 and 16 when he passed. I used my energy on them the most and then worked on myself. We are now a stronger family unit with redefined rules and boundaries. Read through the site and process. I found that so helpful. Vent whenever you need to. We are good listeners. Hugs to you today! 

[beth_krkswidow]

Dear Melissa, I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  Yes the pain is indescribable and unrelenting.  No one could fathom the utter devastation. But you are completely normal. Unfortunately this is the hell of losing the love of your life. I  remember keening and not knowing what that sound was or where it could possibly be coming from. You are so fresh and raw. I wish I  could give you a hug,  remembering the depth of horror of the early days. I am so very very sorry you are where you are. 

Cling to those who are helping you (letting you talk, or sitting with you in silence, or doing laundry or errands for you... whatever it is that you need. Don't feel guilty for ignoring those "friends "who say heartless hurtful things.

I am sso so sorry. Sending you warm hugs.

[Toosoon2.0]

Hi Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad you found the site.  In my experience, this is a marathon, not a sprint so take help when it is offered and lean on the people you can count on.  This site is a great place to find solidarity among people who understand and who have been there themselves.  Much love, Christine

[Bubu27]

Hi Melissa, first days/ weeks and months will be a blur. Take things one hour at a time. Don't rush anything and do what you have to do - if you need to cry in the middle of the street, do cry. Don't try to be strong and don't hold back the pain. Breathe and sleep. I found visiting cemetery calming but this might be different for you.

 

Do you have close family/ friends who could help you out? Basic things like washing up, cleaning, cooking, shopping? Don't be shy to ask for help

 

I know the pain is so unbearable now that if physically hurts and that the whole situation seems surreal but you will survive. 

 

I am with you x

[Widower40]

Sorry for your loss.  Sounds like you have a supportive family.  That made a huge difference for me.  I lost my wife 3 months ago.  First month was shock ,, second and third I felt it really hard.  In the last couple weeks I've been feeling better and more optimistic about the future.  The kids are doing a bit better as well. 

Take it moment by moment.

[Melissa brown]

Widower40,

Thank you. I am sorry for your loss and I am glad to hear your children are doing better too. You mentioned , "take it moment by moment". And that's exactly what i do. One moment I'm fine, the next I'm not.

 

[Love2fish]

Wishing you many more "fine" moments Melisa.

[PaulZ]

So sorry for your loss Melissa.  I lost my wife a couple months before her 40th birthday, my daughter was 12.  I felt a lot of pain for several months before there was any kind of healing or understanding of my life.  No one who you know will understand how you feel unless they have lost their spouse.  There are lots of good people here to draw from for advice or just to share feelings or thoughts with.  Take care.