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Not sure why exactly, but today is sooo hard. I've cried all day. My 13 year old daughter has cried. Nothing triggered it except that the face that my husband's family came and mulched my yard and cut the grass and we all just hung outside. I couldn't help but think of how happy damon ( my husband ) would have been to have us all together.

 

I sat by the cemetery for a long time crying. What does everyone else do on these terrible hard days? Its only been 16 days.

 

Please help.

 

Melissa.

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Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss of your DH.  I seem to recall it felt like that's all I did was cry in those early days.  One step/minute/hour/ day at at time.  Whatever it takes to get through.  Remember to drink water as crying is very dehydrating.  

Hugs to you and your daughter.

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I tried to keep my mind busy so it wouldn’t wander and make me cry mostly. I’d watch tv and crochet at the same time. Listen to music so the house wasn’t silent and then clean things. I’d sit in my hobby room and work in there because it didn’t remind me of my husband. It was my space. It was trial and error for me. The kids went back to school after a week so that kept them busy. They used music and tv as well to fill the silence while they did homework. 

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My kids did the same, they went back to school after a week. I try to keep them busy but then I am left at home to figure out how to do this new life again. I will return to work next month. I am doing alot of the financial things now. 

But puzzles seem to help me alot. Sounds crazy ,but they do.

 

Thank all for your help.

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Puzzles sounds like a great way to focus your  mind on something  neutral.  I think I will get out.a jigsaw puzzle tomorrow and give that a try. I just finished a different sort of puzzle, sorting my sweethearts jewelry.  Untangling chains, matching up earrings, putting them all in little baggies so the ladies in her family can pick out what is meaningful for them.  Of course there were a few triggers in that job but just doing something with my mind and hands was therapeutic.  Thanks for the idea of puzzles MB.

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Love2fish, 

 

That's sounds like a hard job untangling jewelry. I am sure the members of your family will be honored to own a piece of her jewelry. As far as the puzzles go, I started when my husband was diagnosed with cancer in may of 2018. It kept my mind off of the nasty cancer and helped me focus on something else. I never liked puzzles before but now I find them therapeutic. Good luck.

Melissa.

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I was mostly asleep for most of the first couple of months due high doses of diazepam 3 times a day. When I happened to be awake, I cried hysterically, struggled to breathe, had my eyes closed as I didn't want to see the world and was forcefed sugar water by my mum (couldn't eat anything). I guess it is different if you have a child and a reason to stay alive. I didn't.

 

The only advice is to take baby steps and one hour at a time x

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Bubu27, 

 That must of felt awful for you. Thank God for our moms. I couldn't get through any of this without her. And I suppose you are right about the kids. I am not sure if I would even get up if it weren't for them. All I seem to do is count the days. Today is day 19. 

 

In an earlier post you mentioned books that you have read. Do you have any recommendations for me? I do not know how to private message yet?

 

Thanks, melissa.

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Hi Melissa,

 

In the top right corner right next to your profile photo there is a little bell for notifications and an envelope for messaging. I am sending you a message right now 

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Please give yourself a break.  Losing a spouse is the worst and people that haven't gone though it don't understand it.  Please, please, please give yourself permission to be sad.  One day, you think you can function and you are on the road to recovery and the next, things are horrible for 3 days in a row.  I think that this is just the way it is.  This is a process.  Focus on the kiddos and understand that you don't have to be perfect for them either

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