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Widower40

Went on first coffee date

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I had my first date with someone new today. (I'm just over 3 months out).  We met for coffee and had a good conversation.  Still just getting out there and not ready for anything serious.

 

We both texted after that we wanted to meet again.    Taking it a step at a time with no expectations.

 

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I’m happy for you! It’s hard to get out there. It took me a bit over a year to make any effort. 

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We have been texting on and off for a weeks.  Yesterday, she suggested we meet up for a drink.  Hopefully I can schedule something in the next couple weeks.

 

There were a couple other women I met online and planning on meeting up for a coffee...the hardest part is finding any time.

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So I went on the second date with her.  Had a late lunch, walked around and had a coffee.   Conversation went great and we have very similar tastes and approach to life.

 

We both said we had a great time and wanted to meet again.  In fact, this morning she asked me out.  

 

Everything feels different though from when I fell in love with my wife.  Granted that was when I was 19 and now I am 40.  But I don't have that "feeling" yet.   More thinking it rather than feeling it. 

 

Question:. For those that have found love again.  Did it feel different?  Did it take longer to get that feeling?

 

Thanks

 

 

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3 hours ago, Widower40 said:

For those that have found love again.  Did it feel different?  Did it take longer to get that feeling?

Widower,  I have found love again, and again, and I think I just found it again.  I can tell you definitively, there is nothing definitive that can be said on the subject!  It is always different.  As different as each person is, the combination of two is going to be unique to both.  

Most importantly remember that you have changed.   You have 40 yrs of experiences and learning, and one huge trauma, that have created someone who never existed until right now.

I would caution about too many meet & greets.  Many of those women will feel hurt if they don't get asked out again.  Pay no attention to what they said in their dating profile, that they were only looking for friendship or casual dating.  Everyone is looking for love, they just don't dare say so.  Don't ask me how I know all this.

Don't expect love at first sight or within 3 dates, be extra suspicious of yourself if you think you've found it.  It can happen but it is not as common as love built on a solid foundation of commitment and shared experiences.

If you are like me, you are still in grief.  Dating while in grief is neither good nor bad but it is hazardous.  Be honest with yourself and the women you meet.  You'll like the end result of that honesty.

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Widower40, good for you!  I was about 7 months before I went on my first date.  My wife passed almost 3 years ago.  I haven't dated a lot in the past 2.5 years, met one lady I really liked at about a year out, but distance was too big an issue to build anything together.  I met someone special in January.  It did feel a lot the same as when I met my wife.  She made me smile, laugh, and shake my head(in a good way).  I have forced myself to take things fairly slowly, to protect my feelings and those of my daughter, who is now 15.  Odds are you will date a few women before finding Mrs. Right, try to enjoy yourself along the way!

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Widower40, congrats on venturing the dating world!  I started dating at about 1 year out only because I felt I needed to find myself first.  BUT when I did start dating I often expected things to kind of go the same way as they did when I met and fell in love with my LH.  And if I'm being honest here, I was very often disappointed they didn't go the same way.  It wasn't until I really realized and truly understood that they wouldn't go the same way because I wasn't the same person anymore. I was young (19) when I met my husband no kids, living with my parents, going to school, No real responsibilities, no real direction in life.  Now I'm older and my needs are very different now from what they were then. 

I dated off and on but it wasn't until I was about 3 years out that I met someone and have found love with him again.  My little piece of advise for you is that when you do go on dates just enjoy them! You've changed too, sometimes we don't realize it right away because we are so consumed with grief but you sometimes come to find out that what you liked or enjoyed while being married you no longer like or enjoy now. It's now a new life for us.   

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