Melissa brown Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 It's been almost a month since my l lost my husband damon. A friend of ours sent my family to their timeshare for spring break this week. I have so many mixed emotions about him not being here. I feel sad. And scared. And can not believe we are in this position. Please help me with your words of wisdom. Melissa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 I wish I had some wisdom to share Melisa. I can share your misery though. Yesterday I arrived at our summer abode. I left it last September when we found out that NG was very sick. She has been gone 6 weeks. She never made it back to the summer place. Everything of hers was right where she placed it while knowing nothing of her fate. This had to be the hardest cleaning day ever. In a place that should be all happy memories. Good luck with your trip. You can miss your man and start new memories in between times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 I remember our first trip without LH and it was fine at first. It was an adventure for me and the girls to travel together and we did well. The girls shared a room and my bed was so large and empty without LH to cuddle with me. That was hard. Also bring in place he would have enjoyed was hard as well. I took the trip one day at a time, hour by hour and did my best to relax and take it easy. No exact advice to give but just keep breathing and try to absorb the positive things you can get from the place where you are like sunshine, warm weather, or a beautiful view. Hugs! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 We took a trip about 2 months after he passed away, my kids were 14 and 16 at the time. As tough as it was, it made us realize that we were moving forward and having new experiences even though he wasn't with us. The trip also made me know that I was capable of doing it on my on, caring for my kids and although sad I was managing just fine. I also couldn't believe that we were in this position, and at 5 years out still think this sometimes. The grief does soften with time. I hope that you can find some peaceful moments and enjoy the break. Hugs~ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa brown Posted April 17, 2019 Author Share Posted April 17, 2019 You guys are great and really do help me feel better. I'm just so lost. If I try to imagine if it were me who passed what would I want for my family? I would want happiness and peace for my family. And I know he would too. It's just so strange being the sole parent who makes the final decisions on everything. I'm sure over time that it will get easier. Melissa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 It will get easier. That perspective is very helpful. I also think about what LH would want for us and I know we are now succeeding and doing well. I will tell you that our ability to cope without him was quite slow at coming at first but with therapy and counseling and talking and being open and honest to one another has been good for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulZ Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 I found any trips or vacations my daughter and I did very strange for the first two years. It's starting to feel more normal now. There are still lots of thoughts of "Wow, LW would love this!", but I'm able to enjoy myself more as I've found my identity again with the passing of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa brown Posted April 18, 2019 Author Share Posted April 18, 2019 @Julester3 if you dont mind me asking, what kind of therapy did your family do? Grief therapy? I know we would benefit from that but I can't think clearly enough to know where to begin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leadfeather Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 My boys and I went to Gilda’s Club for a while. They had weekly grief sessions, a community meal and then breaking off into groups. A group for teens, one for young adults, one for widows and widowers. It was helpful. Check and see if you have s local chapter. 11 hours ago, Melissa brown said: @Julester3 if you dont mind me asking, what kind of therapy did your family do? Grief therapy? I know we would benefit from that but I can't think clearly enough to know where to begin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 (edited) We each did our own one on one with a counselor. I did just a grief counselor for a few sessions to help me understand things. My eldest did a teen counselor with specialty dealing with grief snd then switched to a general. My youngest did a general teen counselor. I chose according to our needs and by personality fit. We also do monthly group as a family. It’s a chance to share and possibly help others. Our family group is Willowhouse but it’s based here in Illinois. It’s format is similar to Gilda’s Club. Edited April 18, 2019 by Julester3 Added info Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 My older brother is a LMFT from the early 80s and professor, training grad students in play therapy, trauma work, etc. So, he and his wife ( I was 7 when they married), invited my son and I to a lake house of a friend of theirs the first trip. This was great as they could manage us. We had new family memories in a place LH had never been. And I could get a glass of wine and sit out by the lake at night and do what I needed and they gave me space and took care of my son who was 8. We did this 3 more summers. My son and I went to Disney for our first trip together alone. My LH planned the trip entirely. I moved the dates, then. We were so busy, there was no time to grieve. I felt such a strong sense of accomplishment, then, that I could do it by myself. I was terrified for a while to be by myself on trips because if something went wrong. We survived. We actually have a system of travel now, 7 years in the making. Interesting with dating and traveling with NG and his boys. I went to a grief group ran by a widow who widowed young with children from teen to toddler. She got it. She knew me as we worked together and I had provided therapy for her granddaughter, so I did a good job, thankfully, and she was there for me. My son went to hospice camps for kids for several years and had a "grief buddy" that paid special attention to him. They did special parties, too, for different times of the year. My son finally told me he didn't need to go anymore. 4 years, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beanless Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Oddly, this is something that I am really stressing about. It's supposed to be the best time, but your best partner is gone, siiiggggh. I don't have words of wisdom, but know I am thinking about you. I guess I would say, take it day by day and focus on fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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