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It has been a whole week


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As of 9amit has been an entire week since my Husband has passed. the circumstances were incredibly distressing to say the least. I have a small social circle but a very supportive one. I still cannot believe it happened and to someone so young. They say "the good die young", I find this to be the truth. I have been best friends with him since I was 17 years old. We did everything together, we called each other multiple times a day, and we shared everything in our lives together. Sometimes people would say our relationship was nauseating, not because we would act overly affectionate in public but one of my friends said everyone was jealous of what we had. I really am having a hard time fathoming how to live my life without him. We only spent 2 nights away from each other our whole marriage of 18 plus years. I don't know what to do with myself. I keep expecting him to walk through the door and pick me up but I realize that is unrealistic, I keep grabbing my phone to tell him some news I learned, I keep looking at my phone to see if he called and then I am flooded with dread and hopelessness. Do any of you have any advice on how to get through the first month I would greatly appreciate it? Much love to you all.    

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Hi, I am so so sorry you are here. It's been 5 weeks for me. He was 41. We too were married for 18 years. And have been together for 25 years. He is all I have known. We have three children who are the only reason I get up in the morning. Other than that I spend alot of time at the cemetery and crying when I'm alone. I know the pain will be easier to deal with someday but for now I take it one day at a time. Dont be too hard on yourself. This forum has helped me a ton these last few weeks. Hugs to you.

 

Melissa

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Hi there.  I am sorry for your loss and sorry you had to join us here but I am glad you found us. 

 

It has been six years for me and I have three bits of advice that I wish had had or had taken then.  1) when people offer to help, let them.  I should have done this but didn't.  2) If you can take time off of work, do it.  I didn't do this either, which in retrospect, was a crazy thing for me to do (ie. go straight back to work) and 3) Don't be to hard on yourself and don't try to do too much, too fast.  This is a process that takes both time and energy.  I ran so fast and so hard (telling myself it was all of the things I was suddenly responsible for on my own, and I wore myself out and eventually hit a massive, painful, ugly grief wall (ie. nervous breakdown) that nearly lost me my career.  I see now looking back that it didn't have to play out that way.  

 

Lean on people here; I know this board saved me many times from madness and I have made lifelong friends here both in real life and virtually. 

As others will most certainly say, above all, be good to yourself. This truly is marathon, not a sprint.  Sending you so much love and empathy.

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I am so sorry you are joining us here. My late husband and I were married for 15 years, together for a total of 22 years. He was my HS sweetheart. It's been 3 years for me and his death anniversary just passed. As I reflect, I recall the surreal feeling and having a hard time determining what was real or not. I know I was numb and processing was so hard. I started journaling as if I were talking to him and it helped. I focused my energy on my children too. I made myself so busy with hobbies so I didn't have to feel and it would prevent me to get sad because I was concentrating on a task. Once I started crying it was hard to recover for me. Give yourself time, cut yourself slack, take help whenever offered, drink water, eat small meals, and remember that small tasks are great victories those first few weeks. If you got up or showered or left the house even just to get the mail? Those are victories. Hugs for you today. 

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I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your helpful words. I think sometimes we can have such big expectations of ourselves even when we should be giving ourselves time. I do appreciate the reminder. I think I am definitely piling too much on myself and I need to take a step back and process. Journaling is a great idea I hadn't thought of that. I do talk to him when I am alone but this is something I think I am going to take up for me. I do hope you farewell I wish you all the best and thank you again for taking the time out to talk to me. much love Bree

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Just keep telling yourself "this too will pass" 

 

I recently just passed the one month since my Drew passed. He was 37 year old and died from blood clots to both lungs. Seriously, you just need to take it one day at a time...that's really all of us can do. You will have days where you feel like wonder woman and days you feel like a shell of a human being. Remember to breath, drink water, and have plenty of tissues on hand.  

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So sorry for your loss.  It’s awful.  I distinctly remember how difficult it was to not have him there to tell things to.  So I wrote him a letter every single day.  Sometimes it was mundane things that I wanted to tell him.  Sometimes it was how much I missed him and why was he not here?  Sometimes those notes were written at 2 in the morning when I wasn’t exhausted enough to fall asleep otherwise.  I filled 3 or 4 notebooks with those letters.  Gradually, I felt less and less of a need to do it, but it was always there when I needed.  It was really helpful for me.  

 

I am about 3.5 years out now.  I know in the early days, people would say that it would get better.  In a way, I didn’t really want it to get better.  I couldn’t imagine how life would ever be ok, or that it should be ok, without him.  But things eventually softened and eased, and they are, indeed, better.  But for now, just do whatever you need to do to make it through today.  I’m glad you have a supportive community, and you always have one here.  

 

Kate

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  • 6 months later...
On 4/28/2019 at 9:17 AM, beensad said:

As of 9amit has been an entire week since my Husband has passed. the circumstances were incredibly distressing to say the least. I have a small social circle but a very supportive one. I still cannot believe it happened and to someone so young. They say "the good die young", I find this to be the truth. I have been best friends with him since I was 17 years old. We did everything together, we called each other multiple times a day, and we shared everything in our lives together. Sometimes people would say our relationship was nauseating, not because we would act overly affectionate in public but one of my friends said everyone was jealous of what we had. I really am having a hard time fathoming how to live my life without him. We only spent 2 nights away from each other our whole marriage of 18 plus years. I don't know what to do with myself. I keep expecting him to walk through the door and pick me up but I realize that is unrealistic, I keep grabbing my phone to tell him some news I learned, I keep looking at my phone to see if he called and then I am flooded with dread and hopelessness. Do any of you have any advice on how to get through the first month I would greatly appreciate it? Much love to you all.    

Hello Beensad, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.I just lost my husband of 42 years. I'm 64 years old & I've known my husband since I was 15!! We were extremely close like you were. I also expected my husband to call me & I thought I could call him. I had horrible panic attacks and it seems to get worse for me instead of better. I joined a bereavement group which helped but not enough. I now go to counseling  and it's solo helpful for me. There is no time limit on grieving and take very small steps at a time. Listen to your heart. I still cry a few times everyday.

I wish you the best and somehow it gets a little softer.  Many Hugs!!

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