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Sugarbell

Obligations of being a steady/unmarried partner

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Been in a relationship going on three years. We do not live together and are not talking marriage. (too long of a backstory- backwoods family, crazy ex, he lives on family farm too far out of town, etc)

 

Our relationship is solid, even through its not progressing. I am perfectly fine with it. 

 

However, his 25 year old (unemployed and drug addicted) son is expecting his first child end of May. NG is excited and wants me to be there when the baby is born. (along with his family, his psycho ex wife and her new sugar daddy_)-

 

I don't want to go. I know he's my boyfriend and we are there for each other. However, since we aren't progressing into marriage/living together any time soon..WHy should I have to? I just don't agree with the whole circumstances of how this irresponsible young adult has brought onto himself. Him and girlfriend are living with his ex wifes parents in a room. It's just hard to genuinely be happy for them. 

 

Am I just a bitch? It's ok to say "yes"..maybe I need to hear it. Just not sure the "obligations" of a long term steady..

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Posted (edited)

SB I think you should do what YOU feel is right for YOU!  If you don't feel like it's something you can find any semblance of any kind of agreeableness in then step away....

Meet up with him afterwards, you know? 

Sometimes people have to agree to disagree, just saying.

And girl, you already know as long as you have been coming here, do what is best for YOU! Love ya SB, I know you will do what is right for you and be ok :)

Hope I made sense with what I was saying. 

 

Edited by sudnlysngl
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You may or may not be a bitch 😁 but that has nothing to do with going/not going to the birth. LOL

 

I don't think you are obligated to go. I don't attend functions when I disagree with other folk's celebrations or the lunacy will just be too much.

 

I wouldn't go. If you do, you will be sucked into a shit ton of his family drama that you already know you detest. 

 

Mike

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I’m all for showing constructive support and hoping for the best, despite the less than perfect circumstances- because every child who comes into this world deserves to have as much positive influences and love as posible.

 

HOWEVER- attending that three-ring-circus-sounding birth sounds like an absolute nightmare. I can’t imagine dealing with that with any sort of grace. You have got all the time in the world, after the baby is born, to be a positive, loving girlfriend to the proud new grandpa.

 

Some of my favorite people in this world were ‘accidents’, so here’s hoping...

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Hi SB - you know my story so I won't retell it again BUT I wanted to say that although I spent a good deal of time with Andy's parents and his sister at Christmases and visits in the summer, when they died, I chose not to go.  I felt that, as someone relatively new to the family, it was my place to leave them to grieve with memories that had nothing to do with me and to make decisions without my distracting presence.  Andy understood and agreed. 

 

Now, when his daughter graduates from college in two years, I will want to be there.  Though it is not always smooth sailing between us, I have been a part of this whole process and feel like I should be there, unless she says she doesn't want me there. 

 

I think you need to do what makes you comfortable; each situation is different; if it was me, in the situation you describe, I would be supportive but I would not go.  Hugs.  

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People attend births? When my kids were born it was just my husband and me.

 

In the situation you describe, I'd think it awkward for everyone if you did go. I can't imagine the birth parents have a strong desire for your presence, and my perspective is from their standpoint.  

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Attending the birth?  Yeah, a little weird .....  I agree with Toosoon - give support but don't go.   Even if you were married or living together, I still don't think I'd go! 

 

 

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1 hour ago, trying2breathe said:

Attending the birth?  Yeah, a little weird .....  I agree with Toosoon - give support but don't go.   Even if you were married or living together, I still don't think I'd go! 

 

 

So glad others think it’s strange. When DH and i had each child we wanted NO ONE until the next day. When i told NG this he was shocked. The appalachia culture wants all 100 relatives there.

 

We even rescheduled our trip to Hilton Head which was going to be May 11-14th. She’s due in 2 weeks and i was afraid we would get there, his son would call and we would have to leave. When i told NG if that happened i was staying put he was shocked. i didn’t get why they all have to be there that day..the baby will be around forever.

 

The culture differences are stressful to me. But i’m trying to compromise and not get too worked up with it. I just the girlfriend..i fell myself this more and more often lately.

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My new guy has two grown married children, both with children of their own. He asked if I want to be called "Grammy Faye." Ummm, no. The babies already *have* grandmothers. I wouldn't dream of being an interloper, or assuming a place or title that rightfully belongs to someone else.

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I told NG that I like the title "girlfriend" and the grandbaby can call me girlfriend D LOL

 

She had the baby..I didn't go. It actually worked out well, she went into labor during the week..both nights she was in the hospital my kids had tons of activities (dance, ball, work)- I couldn't go. They were all present for the birth. Ugh. NG had to run his Mom up there both nights...ex wives sugar Daddy came in for the birth. But the "girlfriend" was missing in action.

 

I am having the young parents up to . my house for a tiny cookout with the baby. (just them) whenever they get settled in (but they are living with ex wives parents so that may . never happen but I made the offer/gesture)

 

 

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On 6/3/2019 at 12:34 PM, Sugarbell said:

 

I am having the young parents up to . my house for a tiny cookout with the baby. (just them) whenever they get settled in (but they are living with ex wives parents so that may . never happen but I made the offer/gesture)

 

 

That works, doesn't it?  As my boss says (after offering to bring back coffee and being told no thanks) Hey, I get credit for asking!

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