Widowed 3-6-19

[Cassie]

On March 6, I lost my husband very unexpectedly. He was only 31. He had fought type 1 diabetes since he was only 2 years old. 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with kidney failure. 2 years ago, he started dialysis for end stage renal failure. There were countless hospital stays.

 

The scariest hospital stay was in January. He was diabetic ketoacidosis. His blood sugar was over 900. He had to be placed on a ventilator because he was vomiting but not protecting his airway. After 2 days, he self extobated. He pulled through like a champ. Kept saying he was invincible (he was cocky lol). 

 

On March 6th, however, he never woke up. They say he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. He left 3 children behind. And me, his 34 year old wife. 

 

His death followed my miscarriage on 11-10-18 and my uncle's unexpected death on 1-3-19.  

 

How do I get through this? He was my best friend as well as my husband. I feel so alone all the time. Are there any tricks to finding peace?

[Love2fish]

Oh Cassie!  I am sorry that you have joined our club nobody wants to be in.  I lost my second great love on March 8.  My loss was recent also but I cannot imagine the pain you must feel.  I don't know any tricks but I do know that peace will find you when you are ready.  I am glad you found WIDDA.  Other voices will be along soon.

Hugs

[laurie27]

Oh Cassie, As Love2fish says I am so sorry that you have joined a club nobody wants to be in. I know I sure don't. My loss is also recent only February 19th, but I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. He was so young.

 

However, you will go on, especially since you have the children that depend on you. The biggest trick I have found is staying busy...not always easy, but I try. I am a quilter, so I have been doing a lot of charity work. That and I cry a lot, don't forget to stay hydrated. I am glad you found WIDDA, it has been my saving grace know that I am not crazy for what I am going through, it is normal.

 

Hugs to you and your children.

[Julester3]

You get through this one second at a time, then one minute at a time, one hour, one day, one week, and so on. Cut yourself some slack and work on your own time table. No one can tell you how or how long. It’s different for everyone. My kids saved me because I had to be strong for them and like Laurie I keep myself so busy I don’t have time to ruminate and let the sadness consume me. Just be kind to yourself and do what feels right. One day you can feel again and find a smile and laugh a little. It seems impossible but it’s attainable. Hugs! 

[laurie27]

@Julester3 Thank you for your posts, they have helped me so much. But you are so right, one second, one minute, and so on. I am three and a half months out, and I still cry every day. And speaking of busy I think I am going to start a new quilt this weekend. A friend of mine gave me some fabric so I would do just that and I think it's a good time. Hugs to all of us! We all need them.

[Cassie]

I think the worst thing for me is my guilt. He wasn't feeling well the night before but I brushed it off as a stomach bug. In fact, I even got angry and stormed out of the room, which I had never done before. Then I found him a few hours later. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. I couldn't save him. I have all these shouldas...I should've taken to him to the hospital, I should've stayed in bed with him, I should've been able to save him. Guilt...guilt is eating away at my soul.

[Julester3]

That is hard but you have to learn to cut yourself some slack. You were living your life like a regular day. Did you really have that much control of the situation? If it played out differently, would it have made that much of an impact? You can’t beat yourself up for what ifs. 

 

Trying to process this is hard and acceptance of it even tougher but necessary to move forward. You never have to like it but you have to move forward. 

[gummi0197]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I lost my husband on 5-9-19 from what I assume was a heart attack. I am close to your age at 35 and my husband was 38. Your post about your husband not feeling well and the guilt you feel struck a chord with me. My husband had not been feeling well either but like a typical man, he refused to go to the doctor. I had been on him for months. I too had to do chest compressions before 911 arrived. I feel guilty that I didnt push him harder to go to the doctor and I feel guilty that I didnt really get a chance to say goodbye because I didnt want to be re traumatized. Again, I am so sorry for your loss

[Cassie]

I am so sorry that you've experienced this tragedy as well. It's definitely a rough thing to deal with. I'm sure you searching for peace as well. Hopefully, we can both find some soon. Hugs!

[Mariann Underwood]

On 5/23/2019 at 9:44 PM, Cassie said:

On March 6, I lost my husband very unexpectedly. He was only 31. He had fought type 1 diabetes since he was only 2 years old. 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with kidney failure. 2 years ago, he started dialysis for end stage renal failure. There were countless hospital stays.

 

The scariest hospital stay was in January. He was diabetic ketoacidosis. His blood sugar was over 900. He had to be placed on a ventilator because he was vomiting but not protecting his airway. After 2 days, he self extobated. He pulled through like a champ. Kept saying he was invincible (he was cocky lol). 

 

On March 6th, however, he never woke up. They say he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. He left 3 children behind. And me, his 34 year old wife. 

 

His death followed my miscarriage on 11-10-18 and my uncle's unexpected death on 1-3-19.  

 

How do I get through this? He was my best friend as well as my husband. I feel so alone all the time. Are there any tricks to finding peace?

Hi Cassie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your question of are there any tricks to finding peace made me reach out to you. I lost my husband 4 months ago we were married 42 years. I started having panic attacks days after his death. They stopped me in my tracks. I was never so frightened like this. I got on medication to help me.  I don't have small children like you which is something I can't imagine. I prayed really hard when attacks came on. It was all I knew to do. I now go to counseling which helps me a lot. Do what you feel is best for you, take small steps. There is no time limit on grieving. Take care Hugs!!