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RyanAmysMom

Graduations..... These kids keep growing up!

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So, I read some of Rob's thoughts about his kids' graduation on another thread - I was about to put down some thoughts about my son's  graduation.... 

I thought maybe a few of us would like an invitation to share about this milestone in our kids' lives.....

 

My hubby died almost 4 years ago, a month after he attended our son's 8th grade graduation.  And this week, my son graduated high school. 

 

It was bittersweet.... obviously. 

 

I was in Target looking for a card for my son, and I found one that talked about "congrats for being edumacated" or some other silly made-up word.... only it was a made-up word that my hubs used ALL THE TIME.  I stood in Target and cried hysterically for a few minutes before deciding it was a sign, and I had to buy it. 

 

All through my son's graduation dinner, we talked about his dad - how proud he'd be, how he had such high expectations.....  so many memories surfaced that evening... 

 

I noticed that we're all starting to be able to remember and not cry...... the memories are becoming sweeter.. more tender.... less painful.  Finally. 

 

 

 

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I read RobFTC as well and had thoughts. I hate going by myself to my son's things.  I know I chose to move, and then his granny moved back home, too. And I lost my church support/family as I have always had some of them come to support my son.  But I dropped off my kid at graduation to play in the band yesterday, and I saw all these families and thought, "Geez, I hope it isn't just me when it comes his time."  My family didn't celebrate a lot at these things. We oddly went to college and grad school, so HS was just a step.  But I want my kid to have lots of support. Maybe in 3 years, we will have it.  I am the youngest on both sides of the family, my parents are gone, and the bad thing about that is everyone is dying off or at least, getting really old!  

Bittersweet, indeed.

I understand RyanAmysmom.  Oh, how I understand......

Congrats on your son's graduation!  And yes, I can talk about LH now with smiles and memories of joy.  

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@RyanAmysMom

 

I am about to watch out oldest graduate next week. And I am so dreading it. This is the one thing Damon wanted to be here for and he won't be. So I am really struggling with this. 

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I suppose I am blessed to live near family - my parents and my brothers, and one of my hubs' siblings all live in the same town - so I am never "alone" but somehow..... I always feel "alone."  

 

I decided to really make the evening exciting - 

 

I declared that we were also celebrating my achieving my Master's degree (I'm still 5 units away, but still......) and I deserved a little recognition, too.... I mean, seriously.... recovering from my grief, working full time, raising 2 teenagers..... I deserve a whole bunch of recognition!!!!!!!!

 

AND.....

 

I invited "The New Guy" to the graduation dinner!  I had told my hubb's family that I was dating, but it was a shocker for them to see me with someone that wasn't hubbs.....   Turned out to be a nice evening!  

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Thanks for the thread!  I probably should have started one.  Here's that post in case anyone missed it and wondered.

 

--

High school graduation was today.  One twin walked, which was great to see - I worried about her.  She was failing half her classes a month ago, after an antidepressant gap sent her into a bad spiral for a month.  On the way in, her horticulture teacher said she was impressed by her in the latter part of the class.  Her sister did not walk - because she hasn't quite passed everything, but still could, if she can turn in work in one last class in the next few days.  Seniors are done, it's like they have been raptured, but school runs a bit longer for lower grades.  She had an insane schedule this semester - eight classes, no lunch break, no spare period at school to work on stuff.  And she didn't step up work at home, really.  It's been a concern since February, when she was failing half of her classes.  I'm riding herd on her solo because my wife is out of town for a funeral of her best friend during childhood (what a crappy choice!).  I'm not proud, I've offered bribes/rewards when stuff get turned in. I ran into one of her teachers afterwards, and she again expressed love for her and said she knew she would develop well.  I melt when teachers love my kids.

--

 

And to add - she made it!  We finally heard mid-week last week that she had passed the mysterious credit-recovery online class we'd wondered about, and she landed enough writing to get a 64% in the scariest class.  She'd been at 5% in that class at one point, so this was a pretty epic recovery.  I took her over to check out, and talked to a couple of teachers and a counselor, and it was SO good to celebrate with them!

 

Now, we're trying to get them into regular schedules, to get going on college details, and to get started on the yard work we offered them as an alternative to getting real jobs.  Still some conversations to be had!  We'll do a college visit this weekend.

 

Take care,

Rob T

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Rob, congrats!  You survived!  And going from a 5% to a 64%???  That IS epic!  Congratulations to your girls, as well!  

 

Tomorrow I get to hold my son's hand as he puts in his application to our local Junior College - He is opting to stay home for a year before he transfers to the University to study BioMedical Engineering.  (  😮Whatever that is................. I feel so old......  )

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Congrats, RyanAmysMom - my late wife had a PhD in Biomedical Engineering, in her case it was drug delivery via degradable polymers (plastics that rot).  I had considered that option back in my university days due to some work I knew about, figuring out how to control motors in prosthetic limbs, but wasn't sure I could handle the fabrication needed to play well in that space.  Several interesting things there.

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Well, well - my oldest twin keeps finding ways to surprise me.

 

Both twins settled on Western Colorado University, about a 4.5 hour drive from here, and so we have been prepping them for some time.  The packing to leave home was lit - they had never moved, so they had no idea what to do and too much happened at the last moment.  But we launched Tuesday, to get them to move-in and orientation on Wednesday.  We got them all moved in, and things seemed good.

 

Then yesterday, as we were attending parent orientation and they were supposed to be off doing their stuff, I get a text from The Oldest.  She was freaked out by all of the strangers and not feeling like she could actually be alone anywhere, and wanted to withdraw.  We loop in a couple of orientation staff and her school mentor, and then meet her to talk.  She's rock-solid about this not being a fit for her, and she needed to leave now.  We could not talk her out of it or convince her to give it a week, and talking about our imminent move to a new house and how her "normal" is kind of gone didn't sway her, either.  We couldn't even give her a ride home - we'd taken the rear seats out of the van for all the stuff.  The younger twin was sad, but still excited to be there - I've never seen such different reactions to the same circumstances.  Kathy was beyond awesome about all of this.

 

So she got out of classes, arranged to leave her dorm, and we packed up her stuff again, put it in the van, figured out how she could get home on the bus (leaving at 6am!), and headed home.  I expected to be sad about leaving kids at school but excited for their future - that's true for one, but I feel a sense of failure and fears for the future of the other one.  She got on the bus this morning, and will be traveling about 12 hours to get home.  We have some thoughts about what we're going to need to see her doing.

 

When we got home, I joked that we should watch "Failure To Launch" some time, and Kathy joked, "with <the kid>"!

 

Take care,

Rob T

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Yes, Julester3 - I had a thought later about what kind of meltdown she would have if we had left already.  She could have made some epic bad decisions.

 

Take care,

Rob T

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Do you guys have a community college or tech school nearby to see if it’s something she’ll try for the time being? 

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Yes, a couple - but we're moving further from the best one.   Silly us, buying the house we wanted because the kids had committed to go to college!  This is also the kid who has resisted learning to drive.

 

Take care,

Rob T

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Hey Rob,

 

I'm glad your youngest is settling in, and am sorry to hear about the launch abort of your oldest. My observation is that kids are increasingly unable to handle the stresses of life, including college. Personally I think the internet and social media has a lot to do with it. Consider yourself lucky that she opted out prior to that tuition due date! 

 

This generation is also increasingly postponing other adulting activities -- such as driving -- which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Think of how much safer the roads would be if uncertain drivers were not on them!

 

That's a long winded way of saying she certainly is not alone, and you are not to feel a failure.

 

abl

Edited by Abitlost

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Hi, Rob,

 

I never did know which of your kids was the older, but I have my guess. Coming from someone who launched into a higher ed career fairly recently, I know it is not unusual for kids to back out (and yes, at this exact point) and it really isn’t a new phenomenon. 

 

It honestly had nothing to do with your parenting. It just is. Sometimes, we worry that kids aren’t going to succeed if they don’t follow the typical path, but that isn’t true either. She is going to have to figure out her path.  You and Kathy can and should continue the plans you have for yourself and (?R?) will learn some adaptation. There is nothing wrong with taking some basic college classes at whatever community college is available...or getting a job that will show her that she doesn’t want an entry level job for life. 

 

Hang in there. Maybe one of these days I will get out your way again and I can meet Kathy.  

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

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Oh Rob.....  Your baby sounds like my baby.....  He has always suffered from extreme anxiety and gets overwhelmed in groups, in situations that were too social....  

 

My baby started Junior College this week - He homeschooled himself for the past 3 years, so getting back to a "schedule" and "people everywhere" is overwhelming for him.  I have had to talk him down a couple of times this week - but he's working through it.  

 

My baby (18.5 years old) has also resisted driving...  But he's taking his behind-the-wheel test on Thursday next week - I'm PRAYING he passes.....  I need him to stretch his wings....  

 

I admire your willingness to support your baby in whatever is needed.....  I only hope I could be so kind. 

 

 

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