So many accomplishments...DH should be here

[rooshy]

Both of my boys will be in high school this fall.  My oldest son, Sean, in the last month, has started his first job, bought his first car ( a 2003 Toyota Avalon), opened a bank account, completed his Driver's Ed class and in car instruction and will be taking his test on July 12th.  My younger son, Jack, who is autistic and non-verbal, will be starting high school  this August and his vocational skills during the next few summers for employability.  Yet, DH is not here, he's dead.  My late husband isn't here for any of this.  It pisses me off.  That's all.

[Julester3]

I hate these things. Where the kids are concerned, they lose a parent to share these milestones with. We often talk about the difficult year of firsts but for children, they have all these upcoming future accomplishments that they feel their lost parent can never share their joy with them in those moments. My daughter cried at a marching band competition because she knew she did her absolute best job yet and her dad was not there to see it. It’s heartbreaking for me to see these things and we can’t do anything about it but comfort them as best as we can. Hugs to you!

[tybec]

Yes, I agree, Rooshy.  My son was 8 when his dad died.  This year he will have been alive longer without his dad.  It sucks. I get to have these memories of 28 yrs. and he gets 8 and may not remember most of that. 

And the person he is becoming.  No LH  to see. it.  He will be 16 in 2 1/2 months, starting to drive. He needs to shave.  A bear to get him to do it, but then my job to show him?

I understand, Rooshy.

[Captains wife]

I understand. It’s so hard sometimes. My son’s father died when my son was 9mths old - didn’t even get to see him walk. I used to be so resentful he wasn’t here but I’ve been trying to change my mindset over time so I like to think instead how proud he would be of both of us - he would have loved the life we have now (even if it’s not perfect and not easy sometimes). But it does make me sad...and it’s sad sometimes for my son. Yet I’m super proud of how my son has dealt with the crap life has dealt him. Wishing all you single parents the best- so proud of all of us! 

[Abitlost]

I have found the triumphs are sometimes harder than the struggles. The tough stuff is challenging, but I power through and remain strong. I find the triumphs are emotionally-charged; I have such intense pride and no one who shares it. I know my husband would be incredibly proud of us all, and it's beyond sad that he never got to see what his sons would accomplish.