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RyanAmysMom

Let's Celebrate!!!

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I know things are sometimes really hard around here....  And it's hard to see beyond today. 

 

But....  Perhaps we could also offer some vision and hope to others who are coming up behind us?  

 

What BIG (or little) things have you accomplished recently?  

 

 

*Tonight I submitted my LAST PAPER toward my MASTERS degree!  

 

I was so weak and broken and lost when my hubby passed just shy of 4 years ago.  

But I have felt him guide me every step....  through every struggle...  

 

I'm grateful for the strength I've gained.  And I'm thankful for the ability to keep moving forward. 

 

So...  Your turn....  What are you accomplishing?  What brave things are you doing?  What big challenges or changes are you facing?

It could be something like cleaning a closet or a junk drawer..  Some days it's as little as getting up and taking a shower....  It could be a new job or promotion... 

 

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@RyanAmysMom Wow! That is a great accomplishment! Congratulations!

 

For me, I am only at 4 and a half months, my big accomplishment is that I am now eating dinner at the table, instead of standing up at the kitchen sink...or just snacking (and for a life long dieter that is not good!). I am also running the business that we shared and learning how to do the things that he did. I am moving forward with my life, which I know he would have wanted me to do. It's not easy some days, but I am managing.

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@laurie27  YES!  That's the kind of progress we need!  And at 4 1/2 months, that's pretty big!  Congrats to you!  

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Well, after all the trials and tribulations I've gone through in 12 years I will be moving 1000 miles in 2 months to start my life over!

 

I've decided after the thankfully failed mistake of a marriage since dh, and selling our home last year.  The grown kids acting like everything I've done and they at times to sabotage me, etc.,

that I do deserve to be happy and have a life again.

 

So I choose to forgive my sister, picked up the phone and called her! We talked for two days for hours on end, cried, laughed, apologized , and I'm moving up there with her to start my life over.

 

Oh and she had lost her husband 4 yrs before me, and I was there for her, but she had lost her way and NO ONE was there for me for 12 years. But I just couldn't carry the hurt any more, and wanted more than anything to move forward and be happy in life again.

 

So Monday I tell my daughter that I'm moving away, but she is busy with her life and told me a few months ago that in 6 years she will be moving across the country herself. It didn't include me..

 

So wish me luck :) 

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Congrats Sudnlysngl!!!!  That's so exciting!  I love that you're trying to heal that wound!  And I am impressed with your courage!  Great job!

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Thanks RAM and jennybug :) . I have to admit that I'm scared, but excited too. But I also know that I have to be the change I want to see and be!  

 

There no longer is nothing here where dh and I had a life together. The longer I stay, the more depressed I become and that is no life for anyone!

 

I'm to old to be young and to young to be old, and no one is going to live this life for me except me. Also the job market is SO much better there, and I have a better chance of getting the health issues taken care of better without quacker doctors calling me a liar with the reports in my hands, etc.

 

BTW, CONGRATULATIONS RYANAMYSMOM ! :) Job well done!

 

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Thank you RyanAmysMom, you get it! When I told my sister how excited I was she couldn't understand why that would be such a big deal.

 

And sudnylsngl, I hope all goes well with the move. 1,000 miles is a long way.

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You made my day with this good news!

 

Wishing you contentment, peace and happiness. You deserve it!

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RAM   What a great post, and congrats on that last paper towards your masters degree!   

 

My accomplishment is that I'm sorting, selling, donating and purging three storage units of belongings from my married household.  I moved back to the US a year after he died, put all of our household belongings into storage, got a new place that was already furnished and started fresh.  It's been in the back of my mind for five years on how to manage this, and it feels good to move forward and make some progress, FINALLY.   

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Trying..... that's a HUGE endeavor!  Congrats on finding the strength and courage!  I'm impressed!

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What a great idea..congrats on all these accomplishments. I am 3 months out and the biggest thing I've done since losing my husband would be buying a new car by myself. My husband always handled these kinds of things, but this time it was just me and I even managed them to go down on the price. 

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Oh Melissa! That's HUGE!  

 

I remember about a month after my hubbs passed, our refrigerator went out - had to get a new one....  I still recall standing in Best Buy in a haze..  my dad had to take care of everything - Thank GOD for him!  Can't imagine buying a car....  

 

Way to go!  You're BRAVE!  

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Melissa - Any day you get out of bed, you're brave.  I hate this too.  My 4th  "sad-aversary" is next week....  I'm already falling apart....  But we're alive.. and we have purpose....  

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Melissa, I have to buy a new car by August and I am really scared, Mark always took care of those decisions. The only thing I know for sure is it will be a lot smaller, which is what I prefer. So congratulations on buying that car! Good for you.

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I purchased my first major appliance last year by myself and it was the washing machine. It felt good to do the research and the purchase and then complain when the installation was sketchy. I had a great guy at Lowe’s give me options and I fixed the hoses myself. 

 

Last week I spent 3 hours at the DMV transferring both cars to me. Nearly everything is taken care of 3 years and 3 months after he died. 

 

Its great to hear some positive news. 

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Laurie - I bought a car 2 years ago ....  Had never done that before...  LOVED the experience.  And my hubbs would've been the one I turned to for support and advice...  Do you have someone that can just back you up?  It's a huge purchase.. 

 

But.... selling my used car.... that was something I had NO idea about..  My dad (again) handled the whole thing.... I would've gotten totally ripped off.... 

 

Julester - WOW!  Congrats on all of that!  Way to take charge!

 

I really started this post to "brag" on myself a little.....  but I'm realizing how much I've done in the past few years.....  And how important it's been to have my kids see that it's ok to LIVE....  

 

Love you guys!  

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Posted (edited)

RAM - this is a great post!  Congrats on completing your degree - that is major! - and to everyone else for their victories, big and small!  Thanks for thinking of it.  It is important to celebrate the victories, the big ones and the seemingly small ones (which, when you're grieving, should be celebrated perhaps even more than the big ones!)  It has been a long time for me (6.5 years) but of course our loss remains a huge part of our lives.

 

I will share a small victory.  Here's the background: I somehow managed to survive keeping my kid on the swim team even during my husband's cancer and those early years of grief when I very much felt like everyone at our pool looked at us like freaks and thought or whispered "oh those poor people" or "did you hear what happened?"  Because we were such "pariahs" during my husband's illness (he had brain cancer and a surgery that left scars that could not be hidden at the pool) and after his death, I came to despise (and still do) the pool and the petty, snotty moms there.  But I suffered through 7 years practices sitting alone and through exhausting volunteer work timing races, etc.  My daughter has never been the strongest swimmer, and neither one of us has a competitive bone in our bodies, but I liked - and still like - the fun, the solidarity and supportive attitude of the coaches ("We're all in this together.") - aspect of our swim team so I sucked it up.  It was often the last place I wanted to be, but she enjoyed and still enjoys it, so I forced and force myself to do it.

 

So, the small victory: On Tuesday she won a qualifying race for the first time ever.  Blue ribbon in back stroke.  She was so happy after many seasons and so many meets that ended in tears because she felt like she was letting her team down.  It took us 7 years, but it was a real relief for me and also a small victory for us both. 

Edited by Toosoon2.0
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Posted (edited)

Way to go Toosoon2.0, and a big Congrats to your daughter too!

 

(((hugs))) your an AWESOME mother! 😊

 

BTW, no such thing as small victories, they are all big and count! And they all deserve to be validated! 

 

Edited by sudnlysngl
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RAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So, as a faculty member who teaches both master's and doctoral students, I AM SCREAMING for you right now. I love to see people continue along the educational path; as one who hated school all the way through a master's degree and didn't gain a love for it until my doctoral program, I am so happy for people. You deserve all the happiness in the world!

 

sudnly -- you know from my other thread how I feel. You GO GIRL!!! Yes, too old to be young and too young to be old. Perfectly sums it up. Many blessing s and I can't wait to hear of your adventures!

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arneal - Thank you so much!  It's interesting that so many people don't understand how difficult it is to get that degree!  

 

I am more proud of myself than I can express.....  I am a badass!  

 

I had gone back to school a year before hubby passed - got my teaching credential - I started teaching elementary school 30 days after he passed....  

 

I now have my Master's in teaching English to non-native speakers - I feel privileged to be able to help others love to learn!  

 

 

Toosoon - Congrats to your girl!  That's some great parenting right there!  

 

 

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Congratulations to all of you. I find it interesting reading all the different triumphs that each of you put claim. It shows that each of us have our own struggles( although buying a car seemed to be a common thread that I incidentally would agree with)

 

My reason to celebrate is I've retired. And yes that is often viewed as a reason to celebrate for anybody but for me it was BIG because work was my refuge, my status quo area of my life. Home life changed suddenly when DH died, parenting dramatically changed, social life dramatically changed but work stayed. the same.  Not only that,my coworkers were my access to a secondary adult opinion about parenting...and then dating.  So retiring meant giving that up.

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Hey there, klim -- congrat's on retirement. I trust that you will find a good space in which to place your energies. I often chuckle at the idea that retirement means doing less -- everyone I know who has retired has ended up busier than they were before! 

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The car buying was a trip! I did that three years ago. Not fun. The first signed deal was a late model low milage used car. I was having a sensible shoes moment. They wasted three days fooling around. Told me the service recommended by my mechanic on PPI was done. I went to pickup the car for follow up PPI. Salesman started mumbling and lying all over again. I asked for the service slip to take to the mechanic. I blame everything on my mechanic and hide behind him shamelessly. He mumbled something about the printer. He finally appeared. The rear break rotors were turned not replaced as agreed. He disappeared someplace.

 

A woman who looked like forty miles of bad road plopped down at the desk. She never introduced herself or addressed me by my name. She said she was there to help me with financing. lol. I told her  to send over the used car manager. He came and wanted to start the title work! I told him to refund my deposit. I'm done. He gave me a tune that they don't have rotors in stock. I told him of three dealers within a twenty minute drive. Send a runner, get the rotors, do the service or refund. We did the refund.

 

I bought a new car as per usual. The kid who was the sales consultant tried to change the numbers we agreed on via phone when we did the test drive. I wouldn't budge. He started to hard sell black. I was not buying black. He continued to hassle me. Finally I told him they can put me in a black one when I'm dead. He had a temper flare. Lol

 

Why is it that a cash sale with no trade makes them think they can play with the numbers? 

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