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sandrine2279

Will life suck forever (on the top of grief)?

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Hello, 

Here I am, finally… and feeling alive again turns mostly… hurtful

I came here 3 years ago after loosing my love life suddenly. Here I met … wonderful Tonfinoman and had to greive him without being able to met him… fucking cancer.

But recently I finally met a wonderful guy online. we joined each other in Paris after 10 days of messaging and long phone calls. we’ve been seeing each other each week for whole week-ends. he was feeling very emotional at some point…. he made surprinsingly great projects… short-time and kinda long-term.

even came to my hometown and met my closed friends ….

I went to Paris again  seven days ago. he asked me to book train tickets to go with him at a painting class next month.

Last week end appart he called me for hours and too days after told me he was fearing that is feelings will not grow enough in the future… and that he didn’t want to hurt me …

I told him he is probably questionning himself too much and too soon and he agreed to have a second thought about us. he said he would call me the day after. he didn’t and ingored my calls (although he has got some of my stuff in his flat and should be worrying about expensive train tickets I will never use…)

He thought we were so connected…..and now  I don’t what to do. he is special to me and after loosing my bear, it is easy for me to know what I want because I know the value of each little happy moment….

today I feel like life is just hurtfull… forever… whatever I do to move forward…

Sorry I am not here to give some hope today.

Sandrine

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This is hard. He obviously needs to figure things out because he seems to be overthinking the relationship just as you pointed out. Unfortunately it’s not you, it’s him that has to do the work. It’s up to you though if you want to give him the chance or if you’d like to move on. I know there is a fine line between being patient and knowing when you don’t want to waste time because we know time is precious. Hugs as you ponder what the next move will be and sorry I couldn’t be more help. 

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update he is already online on the dating site.... I feel like I dreamt all the good moments with him. he is already over me anyway.... 

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Sandrine, take the time to grieve the loss of this relationship.  Cry, eat ice cream, whatever it takes.  Then pick yourself up and start doing social things again.  Meet up with friends.  Go to local festivals, events, etc.  Spend time with family.  You can do this.  You're strong and you've been thru so much.  You will survive this and forge forward.  (((hugs)))

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Ah! That is a big flag there. Time to move on. Look at this as something to learn from. 

 

I agree with SW. You can do this. Hugs! 

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Update.... things getting worse... in fact he met someone else and has a crush... sigh... life is still brutal after grief. 3 years ago I thought I couldn t hurt for anything else than loosing my bear... but... I can...

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Sandrine, I experienced the same thing.  I thought I could never hurt more than losing my DH.  But I fell for a man and he broke my heart.  In some ways it was worse.  My DH didn't want to leave me.  My ex bf did.  Rejection and watching them move on with someone else is very painful.

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10 hours ago, StillWidowed said:

In some ways it was worse.

I've felt that way often.  Tough to explain the ways it's worse.  Deeper when remembrance of our other loss/losses creeps in? 

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Thank you for your kind support :)

I just took my stuff back at his flat yesterday. I didn't cry. He almost did. He said I am sorry and I just answered that there was no need to be sorry (I already told him... that I didn't want him to apologize cos I don't care). I made him feel like the piece of sh.....  he has been to me... not saying the truth. gosthing me for a week.... now I have to work on not devaluating myself although he feels better with her (well, he talked about her like his was talking about me 2 weeks ago).

I am not asking for anybody to treat me in a different way just because I am a widdow but... how was he able to hurt me so much knowing what I have been through? 

it is strange to feel heartbroken 3 years after such a grief. so I question what to do....loneliness is hard to.... but if trying to meet someone just causes more pain... 

 

(hugs)

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I am sorry you went through this. Don’t give up. It only takes one good one to make weeding through the bad ones worth it. 

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Leadfeather said it.  We are only looking for one,  finding that one makes it worth the frogs you have to kiss.  You only want the cream of the crop and it takes time to separate the 95% at the bottom from the one you deserve.  I really am sorry you had this happen.  I've felt this same pain several times.  Then I found my Precious and it was all so worth it.  I lost Precious this spring to cancer.  It was still worth it all and I will do it again.

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Posted (edited)

I remember reading this article from onefitwidow (I read her blog in the early days and it helped me) https://www.onefitwidow.com/marrying-a-widow/

her current husband wrote : widows and widowers "feel deeper emotions and live fuller lives every day".....

Maybe it is in not such a good thing when you end being hurt....

Makes me affraid of trying again one day...

 

(hugs)

 

Edited by sandrine2279
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