Wheelerswife Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 (edited) I haven’t posted a ramble in quite some time. It is time for another, I suppose. I will try to give the Cliff Notes version of my story for those who may not be familiar. I have been a member of this club for almost 10 years – class of 2009. September 22nd, to be exact. Just typing that statement leaves me gasping. 10 years! I lost my husband Barry to the expected complications of a progressive neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I bought into early widowhood when I fell in love with a man with a disease that would end his life early. He was initially predicted to die by age 5. He made it to 53. We were together about 18 ½ years and married over 17. About 6 months after he died, I started a conversation with a wonderful widower named John who I met on the previous iteration of this website (YWBB). We lived half the country apart, but we decided to meet, and we developed a very deep love. I moved to Kansas to be with him and we married a year after we met. We lived life as fully as we were able. We were happy. We still missed our late spouses, but we were able to move forward. If I can be honest, we were both happier than we had ever been. 5 ½ years ago, when I was back on the east coast visiting friends, John died in his sleep 5 days shy of his 57th birthday. He failed to respond to messages, and I called the police to check on him. Unbeknownst to us, he had significant heart failure. Fortunately, I was surrounded by widow friends the day he died and the next day as well, and then I returned home to face the emptiness. At 51, I had been widowed twice. And…to complicate matters, 12 days after John died, I started having medical issues, ended up having surgery 4 weeks later, and was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer. I just wanted it to kill me. It hasn’t, and I have passed the 5-year mark without recurrence (which is very rare for my rare smooth muscle cancer.) My first career was a 26-year jaunt as a physical therapist. Once I moved to Kansas, I came to the unexpected conclusion that I no longer wanted to practice. My husband, who was a university professor, supported me in my decision and encouraged me to take advantage of tuition reimbursement and go back to school to study whatever I wished. I was finishing up one degree when my husband died. The university community was devastated with the death of my beloved and well-respected husband and I found compassion and support at the university. I finished that degree (through surgery and a cancer diagnosis as well) and then went on to obtain a Master’s degree in Higher Education Student Affairs. 2 years ago, after finishing my degrees and still grieving, I decided to move back to the east coast to be closer to family, old friends, and wid friends as well. My 90-year old father had been diagnosed with lung cancer, I wanted to be able to support my mother through his illness, and I just needed to get away from the reminders of what I had lost. I rented my house in Kansas to a young professor. I spent a few months with my parents. My father remained stable – and still is 2 ½ years after diagnosis – not sure he even has a malignancy. It took me the better part of a year to find a job in my field. I loved my work and my students – but not my boss or the institution. It just wasn’t a good fit. I found out at the end of January that my renters of my house in Kansas were leaving. That started my thinking about the possibilities of selling my house, renting again – or moving back. My decision was confirmed in April, when I traveled back to participate in a day the university has named for my husband that celebrates research and creative activities on campus. I missed the small-town life in rural Kansas (hate the rat race of New England!) and I realized that 2 years away had brought me to a better place emotionally. So…I have clicked the heels of my ruby-red shoes and I have moved back to Kansas! I just started a new job at the university where my husband taught and where I earned my last 2 degrees. It feels good to be here. I never thought I would move back into my house – which I plan to redecorate over time – but I am here. I miss him. A lot. But…I feel more ready to build my own life again. I realize how I walked around the first 3 ½ years after John died with my eyes on the ground. I needed to leave here to start looking up again. The university keeps my husband’s legacy alive – and I have been welcomed back with open arms. I guess I am thinking…there’s no place like home! Thanks for reading... Maureen Edited July 15, 2019 by Wheelerswife 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurie27 Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Maureen, Reading your post gives me hope that there will be a life after Mark, I'm probably just not quite ready yet. You sound happy and that makes me happy for you. Enjoy life in Kansas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddienhp Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 So great to hear your happy news, Maureen. I came to widowhood in November 2011 so I remember your name and history. Thank you for sharing your story of resilience, determination and hope! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twin_mom Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 I wish you all the best with this new chapter. You're so right sometimes we need a little distance to remember all the reasons why we love a place and we need to be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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