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Speechless


Bubu27
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So I went to the bank today to renew my savings account and the advisor started by completing a questionnaire. He looked at me with a massive smile and asked -  I can see you are happily married?:) (I wear my engagement and wedding ring on, not planning to remove it ever) to which I replied - my husband passed away 3 years ago. He paused for a while then looked at me, lowered his voice and said - it's been three years. TOUGH, HAH? With the most annoying grin ever. I smiled back saying nothing.

 

Just speechless

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Bubu, I'm sorry you had to deal with that insensitivity. I have a theory that banking has a certain idiot quotient. I was there a month ago to transfer funds from savings to checking then pay real estate tax on my house. I personal banker did the transfer as it exceeded the daily limit. Conservative bank. I pay the tax at the teller widow for the date stamp. No confidence in USPS and/or county employees to post it on time. Twelve percent penalty if posted late. 

 

The personal banker asked what my husband does. I said he is deceased. How long? You own your house, right? It's yours- no mortgage? Good. What do you drive? How many miles? 

 

Obviously his job is to probe to learn of all investable assets so they can sell a financial product not in my interest and earn a hefty commission. They really should order a colon prep for the customer before one of those guys starts to talk. 

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You are so funny @soloact 😂

 

Interestingly, this guy didn't hurt me. I was actually looking at him in disbelief thinking - what a twat! Is he for real?

 

When I have to say that my husband passed away, people usually say I am sorry and change the subject or apologise for asking and look uncomfortable yet this guy looked like he was having a time of his life cracking jokes! The more I think of it, the more pissed of I get though. Do you think I should make a complaint about him? The whole conversation was recorded (as they do for monitoring and training purposes) so maybe it would be good if they used my example as a lesson of how NOT to joke with widows?

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4 hours ago, Bubu27 said:

You are so funny @soloact 😂

 

Interestingly, this guy didn't hurt me. I was actually looking at him in disbelief thinking - what a twat! Is he for real?

 

When I have to say that my husband passed away, people usually say I am sorry and change the subject or apologise for asking and look uncomfortable yet this guy looked like he was having a time of his life cracking jokes! The more I think of it, the more pissed of I get though. Do you think I should make a complaint about him? The whole conversation was recorded (as they do for monitoring and training purposes) so maybe it would be good if they used my example as a lesson of how NOT to joke with widows?

NO, it wouldn't be worth your time or the tissue you wipe your behind with!

 

When I went to our bank to deposit an insurance check one of the head tellers said to me , "your not going to spend this are you?" So I responded to her and her ignorance with , " tell you what it's a check for my husband dying, you can have it if I can have my husband back!" Let me tell you everyone turned and looked at her like she was the dumbest person in the world, and she turned the reddest I have ever seen! It took her over 2 years before she would speak to me again. 

 

So if you still bank there , just look at him everytime like what's wrong with you? yet with a smile.... 

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I’m an idiot banker chiming in. I can imagine myself saying ‘tough, huh’ to a client who told me their spouse has been gone for three years. I can even imagine screwing up my face a little to give a look that says ‘I can’t imagine going through that’. That look may even look like a grin and cause someone to be offended by it, I guess.

 

I think it’s worth cutting the guy some slack.

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There is a difference between though huh and it comes down to the context and a person who says it. Tough, huh coming from a close friend or a therapist is odd but ok (not the most tactful reaction, is it). Tough huh with a stupid grin coming from a bank adviser, when I clearly closed the subject with this one sentence ( my husband passed away), is not ok. 

 

At least not in my book.

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6 hours ago, serpico said:

I’m an idiot banker chiming in. I can imagine myself saying ‘tough, huh’ to a client who told me their spouse has been gone for three years. I can even imagine screwing up my face a little to give a look that says ‘I can’t imagine going through that’. That look may even look like a grin and cause someone to be offended by it, I guess.

 

I think it’s worth cutting the guy some slack.

Slack??? really? You say you work in a field with the public, then I say learn some tact! Especially now that you have been through this yourself..... just saying😏

Maybe an "I'm sorry to hear that", then move on to the business at hand...

Edited by sudnlysngl
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Exactly that @sudnlysngl. I understand such questions are inevitable is some environments but turning our answers into some kind of circus and dragging the subject unnecessarily (not to mention stupid facial expressions) is not welcome to say the least.

 

As for making a complaint, I did not but had my chance to say how I felt. My bank sent me a customer satisfaction survey after the visit and I answered all the questions honestly - overall he was knowledgeable, professional (well, at least most of the time) etc but then in the additional comments box I briefly described the situation and my take on it. I said I understood some people react differently (and asked them not to penalise him for it) but said that one would expect more tact from such a respectable bank's staff.

Edited by Bubu27
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We now live in a world where "women" have had enough of cutting people some slack for their bad behaviors! It's time for these people to learn how to act appropriately with others and when they don't then to be spoken to about it .

Also we little oh women are sick and tired of being knocked down for putting up with these ignorant behaviors towards us when we don't just brush them under the rug for men and their jobs so they can be kept so superior in society.

When we make a mistake then fix it, learn from it and do better. Lets all make this a better world.....

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I did the survey, too. I answered all questions honestly. I don't like having my time wasted by someone who is trying to pick my pocket. This is obviously the job description as it's not a one time incident. The lobby transactions are good when only a teller is involved. 

 

The same guy who wanted to know the milage on my car phoned a time or two previously. I recognized his insistent authoritative voice. He is a PITA. I'm revenue. He's expense. Until that relationship changes he needs to be cool.

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Oh Bubu, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.  Banks - ugh - after he died, my banker wanted to just get to the details and pushed to know how my situation could benefit him.   While living abroad - no opportunity that I could work as I didn't have a visa - he suggested that I should start working to continue adding to the nest egg.  I was so offended.  Bankers could use some sensitivity training - my 2 cents

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I know how hard all this is.  I couldn't get past crying on the phone or in person each time I had to make those calls.  I finally, after TWELVE years, changed the name from my late husband's  to my own for my electric, water, and gas bills just last week.  Can't believe I waited so long, but thought it was finally time.  I had paid these bills coming to his name, but didn't even think that was strange.  Ugh!  My thoughts are with you!

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I have had some terribly insensitive things said to me.  About 99% of the time, I give people a pass.  But...there are just some people who should know better...like my gynecologist.  I saw her in the weeks after my first husband died.  He happened to have a significant physical disability and needed a lot of care at the end of his life.  When I told her he had recently died, she patted me on the back  and said, "You will be better off without him."

 

I was so shocked I didn't know what to say!

 

Maureen

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Just to show the other side.  When I went to the bank, a  woman helped me.  I had gotten a significant amount of cash from my LH's work. I guess they took it up and it more than covered a month of my LH's salary. I was in shock. It was only like 2 weeks, so other accounts had not come through yet.  I told her it was my husband's work mates that did this, and she said that was incredibly generous of them. I had tears in my eyes, and she took me to her private office.  She had tears, then, too.  I went back multiple times for various banking needs, and she assisted me each time. She finally said to me, "I couldn't help but cry.  I thought I would cry every time I saw you,."  

 

The world is full of many folks, thankfully! 

Now the lady at the court house for probate, she was another story! I knew a judge whose kid had been at my house for small group through church,  and he did my probate in his office, then. 

Edited by tybec
error in grammar
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1 hour ago, tybec said:

Just to show the other side.  When I went to the bank, a  woman helped me

 

Bank people can be good people. The first time I went to do banking after DW I met a teller who had lost her husband 3 months before. We became best friends and 2 person support group.   Still best friends. 

Apologies to Bubu for being off topic.  Bank people do suck for the most part.  But who knew Gynecologists could be so ignorant?

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It's unfortunate that some people believe assisting a spouse is a hardship. It's what we do--that marriage thing. The funeral home that did my husband's arrangements also operated a home health supply store. We were customers of the home care store. I'm a big fan of prevention. I bought quite a few items as a result. The person who helped us in that store was wonderful.

 

The funeral person was just a fool. I went to pick up my husband's ashes. Fool brought the urn to me, laughed and said "he'll be easier to lift now". Some people should not deal with the public. 

 

The gyn on an earlier post on this thread has the idiot championship. After that person all the others are tied or second place. 

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