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On September 6th, I will hit the 6 month mark. 6 months have gone by. We've gotten through some of the firsts but there are so many more to come. But this month will so busy...

 

We have a family cookout for Labor Day with my in-laws. We always have a great time, but I get so lonely, even though I'm completely surrounded by people who love us. It's an odd feeling.

 

A week later, we have a celebration of life ceremony for his aunt, who just passed away this past Tuesday. I'm worried that it's going to rock me to my core. She was a wonderful woman, but this will be the funeral of any type since my husband's.

 

Then we have a wedding to go to, which just happens to be 5 days before our anniversary. Our anniversary was the first date/kiss and our wedding day. I feel like this wedding we're attending will be bittersweet for me. I just want to celebrate my anniversary with my man.

 

And finally, on the 26th I have to have a life altering surgery. I'm having my tubes removed and the ablation on my uterus. It's a second to last resort to resolve 20+ years of pelvic pain. My husband was always my support person in times like these. The idea of going through this surgery without him beside me scares the living hell out of me. He always took care of me I was down and out...well when I would let him lol. 

 

I'm just praying I get through this month fairly unscathed.

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I can remember going through some of those first events as well Cassie and dreading them.  I had a hard time going to social events in public for months after my wife died.  My head was in a different space then, as I'm sure yours is now.  It's totally ok for you to have a cry at these functions if that's what you feel like.  I had tears falling down my cheeks at the Christmas service in church (the first time I went back to church, 6 months after my wife died).  All these events hurt like hell, especially the first time, it will be less painful as the years pass.  It's been over 3 years for me and I can feel less sad and live in the moment better at these types of events now.  My dad died last September, his birthday is tomorrow, the anniversary of his death is Sept 15, and my parents' wedding anniversary is Sept21, so I'm feeling very sad for my mom as these dates approach, knowing how she will be feeling.  Hugs to you on this tough stretch.  Paul

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I’ve done all of these things after becoming a widow. I went to a wedding alone. I went to a few different wakes, funerals, and services to family friends. I had my hysterectomy as well though I had my sister to help me. I would say you could get through these things just fine but the moment you get a moment to breathe, those emotions can sabotage you and just hit you. I tended to be okay at these things because I could empathize or relate but later memories would trigger and it would just hit me and the sadness comes. I would work with the emotions to release them and feel better afterwards. Hugs for you today. These feelings don’t make you weak. They make you stronger. 

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