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Alma

Lost my Beloved Husband this week

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...on Tuesday(August 20th) to cancer, he was my EVERYTHING!

We did not have very long together, long story which I will fill in at some other point-no energy tonight....but what we had was a love of the rarest & purest kind & I am thankful for it.

I'm still very much in shock & I know, although I have been having great big waves of screaming, wailing, cryfests, it hasn't even properly begun to sink in yet & I'm going to be in so much catastrophe when it does.

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Hugs Alma! One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. We are here for you when you are ready. 

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I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.

Please keep reaching out here , we will be here to help 

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Dear Alma, I am so sorry. My Ken passed away 7 months and 27 days after we got married. I don't know your story but I feel for you.

 

It is going to be an awful journey, I am not going to lie. Take @Julester3 advice - one hour at a time 

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Dear Alma, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. It is a very difficult journey, but as @Julester3 said, one minute at a time, one hour at a time and one day at a time. Come back wen you are ready to share your story, we will listen (read) and send you prayers and hugs. Take care of yourself and don't forget to drink a lot of water...crying does dehydrate you.

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Posted (edited)

So sorry to see you in this club. Take one day or one min at a time as per your convenience. Drink lots of water and eat something.

Edited by MR
Couldn't finsih

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On 8/25/2019 at 9:34 PM, Alma said:

I have been having great big waves of screaming, wailing, cryfests,

This may going come as cold comfort Alma.  You are doing it right.

hugs

L2F

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Thanks everyone. Still in a daze but attempting to look after myself because my husband made it clear he wanted me to be good to myself.
Had this done in his memory today. I know he'd approve
 

69338067_3576503325708696_9166061505085440000_o.jpg

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That is a beautiful tattoo. Thank you for sharing. I got one too but not as big to remind me of my husband. It helped me stay focused in the now and realize that his passing was indeed real and not imagined. 

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That really is a lovely tattoo and the words are beautiful , i think this is the perfect way to stay connected to the person who is your soul mate . 

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Thanks everyone, I am pleased with how the tattoo turned out(I may have more planned-nowt else to do *que maniacal laughter!) The words are indeed beautiful, they are his, in his handwriting, taken from a letter he wrote to me & hid in my hand luggage the first time I visited....but I'm getting ahead of myself....

I did promise to return & tell our 'story' so I hope you're sitting comfortably.....this is the short version....some day I may write a book...

My husband, Ryan, died August 20th, of cancer, he was only 41. 
We started talking, over the internet back in 2014, we fell in love, & spent every possible moment 'together'-whilst being 3500 miles apart, by the power of Skype, we cooked on Skype, ate on Skype, watched movies on Skype, even slept on Skype!

In May 2015 he visited me in Scotland for 1 whole week, we holidayed up on a tiny island in the Outer Hebrides, we even took my dog, he didn't want to leave at the end of that week, I didn't want him to go, our love was cemented in those first days together.
October that same year I was able to come & spend two weeks with him.
In 2016, I was able to come over to visit for 3 weeks, but we had to wait until December...I had to go back to Scotland before Christmas though.
One night in March 2017, during a Skype conversation, he said "it's unbearable, we need to be together" & started looking for an immigration lawyer.....but just three days later I found a lump on my breast which turned out to be cancer & we spent the next year still on opposite sides of the ocean concentrating on getting me through my treatment, he had just started a new job & couldn't get over to visit me. I was unable to travel until my treatment was complete....After chemo, lumpectomy & then radiotherapy I finished treatment in January 2018. I visited with him for the entire month of February, as luck would have it my flight back to Scotland was cancelled due to bad weather & I was here an extra week....it was during that February visit Ryan proposed & we went to the attorney to begin my immigration case. Immigration took a year, in the meantime I was over for the month of September but Ryan was having terrible tummy issues that I made him go to the doctor about, doctor said it was some kind of GI related thing & put him on a waiting list to see a specialist.
At the end of January this year,(whilst awaiting his appointment with the GI specialist) about three weeks before I was awarded my visa Ryan spent a week in the hospital due to kidney stones...that's when the doctors discovered his liver was over 70% tumor masses.
I worked my last day in Scotland on Friday 1st March & I landed here in Michigan on Saturday March 2nd. The doctors said it's neuroendocrine cancer, he wouldn't be cured but it would be treatable & Ryan should expect to live, with regular medications, for many years....

We married at the courthouse March 21st, we had a ceremony booked for May but we didn't end up going ahead with it.
Ryan pushed himself to keep working, he had such a strong work ethic(& the belief he would have some years still ahead of him), the doctors were offering him embolization of his liver masses & speaking very positively about it....so on the morning of June 27th he came home from a nightshift & drove an hour & a half to get to the specialist for his 1st liver treatment....he was meant to be kept in for 24 hours observation, but although the embolization went 'well' Ryan was in far more pain than they had anticipated, we stayed in the hospital for a week. He got home, but couldn't drive himself because he was weak, confused & on heavy pain meds....we were home for 3 days then his levels were all over the place so he was admitted to the local hospital.
I stayed with him every night in hospital, when the doctors heard our story they arranged for us to have a large/wide bariatric bed delivered so we could sleep together. We were in hospital for about 6 weeks & then we had one last week in hospice. Ryan fought through, pushed himself through pain, confusion, suffering, feeding through a nose tube, dialysis & weakness, ANYTHING to have just a little more time with me.....we comforted one another as best we could...
I was with him when he died, I told him how much I love him, he held my hand.....

He was my EVERYTHING! He knew it, his love for me, our shared love was something more than I had ever thought was possible.....his heart & mine, mine & his, bonded forever just as he said in the letter back in 2015, the words on my arm, his words, our hearts <3<3

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Alma, thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry this happened. I lost my husband on March 21. He was also 41. He also had cancer. Not quite 6 months without him. We were married for 18 years. And we have 3 children. It's been tough. If you ever want to talk, let me know. Also, I love the tattoo. 

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