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Breaking up? Seeing other people?

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I have been seeing a man for a few months now.....  He's really great.  

We are far from the perfect couple, but we have been exclusive for a bit....

We really struggle with communication - which I'm seriously coming to understand is my fault......  seriously...  


I don't want to stop seeing him. 


But, knowing that life is short, precious, and our time is limited, I also feel that I want to keep looking for someone who might be a better fit. 


Am I being selfish?   Am I wrong to want to continue to see him?   Is it fair to him?  Or does the fact that I want to keep looking tell me everything I need to know? 


And for God's sake, how do I tell him?  I hate the thought of hurting anyone.....  especially someone I truly care about...  


Ugh....  I hate dating.  


Any advice?  








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Given the facts as you've presented them, I'm of the opinion that yes, you are being a bit selfish. If you want to continue to see other men, then break up with him, the sooner the better. Unless of course you both are very clear that you both can freely date others now, and it isn't an issue for either of you. 


To break up, all you have to say is "This isn't working out for me, I'm sorry."  It's never painless for either party, but it is the right thing to do. :) 


Good luck, 



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I think the fact that you want to keep looking says a lot. You said that you struggle to communicate with each other, but I would talk to him about how you're feeling. Maybe he's feeling the same way.

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You know *now* it's not a good fit.  Breaking up now will hurt him less than breaking up six weeks from now. Portside's wording is as good as it gets.

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Well, it took almost another month, but as often happens, it fell apart all by itself....  I was right - he wasn't the right guy for me.  I miss him.  I truly love him.... but we weren't a good fit.  In talking about things, we discovered that I didn't want to hurt him, and he didn't want to be the "guy who dumped the widow...." 


So....  onward.......  

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RyanAmysMom - good for you that you see now it wasn't a good fit. Moving on is really really hard but you also don't want to be in something long-term if there are key underlying issues. Its very good that you two talked and I wish you all the best moving forward!

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