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laurie27

Surviving the first Holiday Season

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Well, here I am in the middle of the first Holiday season without Mark. I got through Thanksgiving...it wasn't fun, but I survived. For Christmas, one of my widowed friends asked me to make dinner, she is bringing some side dishes, so it will feel like a holiday dinner and being busy I think will help. I also asked one of my friends who spent Thanksgiving alone to join us. So instead of a big family dinner where we might have felt out of place we will just be three friends having a nice turkey dinner with all the trimmings. I hope it works out the way we are planning, I have spent a lot of time crying for the last week, but maybe that is good, getting it out of my system. Take care everyone, and have a Merry Christmas!

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Laurie27, that sounds like a great idea that you are having a gathering with your friends. You could easily avoid the holiday, I am impressed that you are making plans. It's my first holiday too and I personally just want it over with.

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Well, Melissa I'll see how it goes. I can't bring myself to decorate the house this year. I put out a Christmas table runner, and I will display my Christmas quilt, but other than that, I can't even play Christmas carols this year. I am watching Hallmark movies, however, so I am not completely forgetting about Christmas. I'll let you know how it all goes. Take care of yourself...this first holiday. For me it started with his birthday, Nov. 25, then my birthday, Dec. 24, then Christmas, then our anniversary Dec. 27. By January 1st, I will be so relieved!!!!!

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@laurie27 well done for making such great plans. In my first year I was struggling to do the dishes on a daily basis let alone organise Christmas. Having your friends around sounds good fun and as Melissa said, it is very impressive. Don't know you but very proud of you :) x

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The holiday season can be a tough time.  I struggled hard y first one, had tears streaming down my face in church on Christmas Eve.  Having friends and family around helped me a lot, but I couldn't enjoy it.  It is certainly better now, this will be my fourth Xmas since my wife passed, and I can enjoy the holidays again, but have some sad moments and thoughts mixed in.  The first year, survival is a good way to put it.  Hugs

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The holidays are so tough.  This is my first post.  I lost Andy in February, totally shockingly unexpectedly, so this is also my first Holiday season without him.  For my kids' sakes (3 teenagers) I feel like I have to make an attempt at Christmas traditions.  I have scaled back - half the decorations, smaller tree, kids can decide whether they go to certain events.  But survival is really what it seems like.  A couple days recently I've spent with those same zombie-like feelings I had when he first passed. I too look forward to reaching January.  November may have been tougher for me - our anniversary, his birthday.  At least for Thanksgiving itself I traveled and spent with a lot of my side of the family - which is easier for me. Hugs

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For those that celebrate Christmas, I think it has to be one of the hardest holidays for the widowed.  Even if you and your spouse weren’t very “Christmassy”, it is still a time of family and friends and celebration.

For those with children, there is an additional sadness.  We try to fill the shoes of two parents when it is hard to even be one person. There are traditions that just seem too hard to maintain.

The first Christmas after my husband died, I hung his Christmas stocking and I wrote a letter to him and stuck it inside. I continue to do this each year.  Every year, I read what I’ve written in the past and then I add my new letter.  Mostly I tell him what has been happening and let him know that I’m OK.  It has become my Christmas tradition.

I don’t have young children at home, but think it might be nice a nice way for them to include their Dad/Mom in their holiday celebrations.

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I am now 7+ years out with a young child and I feel for those going through their first (and early years) holidays as widows/widowers. I was miserable in my first years but I hope it helps to hear that Xmas got better over time....it took some time but over the past 3-5 years, I have been putting up a tree, decorations, doing Xmas-y stuff with my son (and friends), putting up Xmas lights outside as well as going to local Xmas parties. The way I started getting through the holidays was to change my routine and make new traditions for my son and I. I also went away once or twice (to visit family) or spent the holiday with friends (who were also on their own). That really helped....This year I have family visiting and I'm really feeling quite happy over this holiday and enjoying the festivities with my son, although I still miss what was.

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Hi Everyone! Well, I got through Christmas. One of my friends is a widow of 15 years and she invited herself over for dinner so that I wouldn't be alone. I knew another friend of mine without family close by and invited her also. We had a turkey dinner. I did the turkey, potatoes, stuffing and gravy and my special Christmas cookies, and my friend did the rest of the side dishes. It was a pleasant afternoon. I didn't do the decorating, however, it did feel like a holiday. Hugs to everyone. Take care of yourselves!

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