Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

arhillis

Other Single Moms

Recommended Posts

Does anyone else have a hard time connecting with other single moms (divorced or never married), or is it just me? It seems that most of my girlfriends are married, and when I do try to get to know another single mom, our lifestyles are so different that it's hard to find things in common.

Share this post


Link to post

I believe it is hard to connect to divorced and unmarried moms. Usually if conversation is centered around kids, it’s fine but it’s hard to personally relate to them because our life situations are different. They have baby daddies that exist in this world regardless if they are involved in their kids’ lives or not. Our children no longer have that because their dads are no longer here. They can still collect support and get help from them now or down the line. We cannot in any way shape or form. I have gone to outings and the divorced moms are like, “you are so lucky you don’t have an ex to deal with.” Huh? I would rather my kids have a dad who is alive, honestly. So I do not think it’s just you! 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

I agree. It is hard. Divorce is a loss, too, but different.  I did not have a party and burn pictures and go out with girlfriends when my husband died. I don't bash him or want to name a cockroach after him, like are options for exes.😲

 

I had a divorced woman bee line to me at a cub scout camp out. It was four months from LH's death. She just knew we could bond because we pretty much had the same thing happen!

 

I have a great widow friend. We worked together 17 yrs. and then her husband died 2 years after mine. She shared she thought she got it (a psychologist) but she was way off until  she sadly experienced it herself. 

Don't have many never married women I know. 

I will say, 8 yrs. out and my divorced friends are better at helping with the dating aspects of things.  They went through that part before me. Still not the same but better. Married friends cannot help at all typically in that arena. They haven't dated for 30 yrs!

 

You expand your network, I believe. I have friends of different ages, now, more and different backgrounds whereas when married with a child, we ran pretty much with the same folks in the same circumstances.

 

Good luck! 

 

Share this post


Link to post

A wise widower once told me when I first became widowed- "Don't worry about being the only single Mom- You are only 36 (and I had 3 kids under age 5)- By the time you hit 40 and the kids are a little older, they will start all getting divorced"

 

It sounds cynical, but he was right. In my old town of Stepford, 10 years ago I was the only single Mom. Now at least 3/4 of a little group of couples in my sons grade- they are now divorced. 

 

Now, I know about just as many single parents as I do married parents. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
On 1/24/2020 at 11:57 AM, Julester3 said:

 I have gone to outings and the divorced moms are like, “you are so lucky you don’t have an ex to deal with.” Huh? I would rather my kids have a dad who is alive, honestly. So I do not think it’s just you! 

Kiwis are a pretty reserved lot with regard to personal remarks so in almost nine years I've only had this kind of thing once - ironically from a Canadian ! I think I was so taken aback I said nothing. I have though found a difference between people who call themselves solo parents when it fact they have say week-about custody (which I'm sure brings its own issues, but no,  you are not a solo parent) and those who are logistically the same as me, if not for the same reason - because the child's father buggered off and is not on the scene at all. These women (haven't come across men but of course they are out there, just not in my circle) have become good friends, or even closer friends, as for purely practical, if not emotional or financial purposes, we are similar, and some of them have also been a great source of support and general life hacks around being a single parent.

Share this post


Link to post

We live in a small town where there are very few single moms - and Ive also had a hard time connecting. I am sorry that divorce situations are hard and their own kind of loss but I get tired of listening to mums who complain about their significant other and vice versa.  I also notice a lot of the married moms don't actively include my son and I - a lot of them they are friendly but all their friends are married. Plus added to that I am a single, slightly older working mum with a quirky(but great)  child so its very hard to find people that identify. It took us a while and I kept working at it but I do now have a few mums I can text for playdates etc (single and not single).

 

I also have a few widow single mums who I am friends with - and I wish they lived closer!

 

keep working at it - and looking for those connections. Even if you don't have a really close friendship with the mum, your children can develop friendships through it. Also are there are any widow groups in your area? that might be a way to make a connection.

Edited by Captains wife

Share this post


Link to post

I have a hard time connecting with other parents. They can afford to take their kids to shows, vacations, etc. I can not. They are all excited to see me then ask when we are free. I say we are always free on weekends; how about looking at your calendar and let me know which one you have availability. Never hear from them. I am 8-1/2 years out. I make a schedule for my kids filled with library classes, scouting events, nature center classes, etc. All the low cost or free activities. Then I send notice to all of these moms. Maybe one might sign up to go with us. I find that has been the best way for us to connect. I do know it is easier to connect with other parents when the kids are at an activity. Scouting is wonderful because so many parents participate. It is the same as nature center classes. At the library, most of the parents are waiting right outside the room. The things we have in common is our kids and their activities. I do not know another widow in real life. Not many people understand where we are. It is the same as special needs parenting. I have a special needs kid. 

 

Are you looking to make a social connection with other moms or is it that you notice there is a big difference in common lifestyles now that you are a widow?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.