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My husband was young. Only 43 when we found out he had lung cancer. He passed away 3 months later. I myself am 35 and we have 3 children. I feel so lost. I can't seem to focus on anything and I find myself trying to push everyone away. We were married for 15 years and I feel like I don't even know who I am without him. I loved him deeply and think of him all the time. I can't even begin to describe the way I feel inside. I just found this group yesterday and thought maybe talking to people who are not so close to me and who have been through what I am going through might help. I have a hard time breaking down in front of others, I just feel it is a very private thing but sometimes it can not be helped. I often take long sobbing showers where I can be alone. I am lost and have no idea what to do now. I still can't believe this is real.

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I am so sorry you are joining us here. Everything is going to be still so fresh for you being only 12 days out. You haven’t processed and everything is surreal and nothing seems right. Your world has been tipped over and it’s hard to put things back in place. It’s all part of the grieving thing but it moves in different ways and different times for everyone. Just take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time as you need. Take the help for things you can’t focus on. I asked for meals so the kids could have something to eat and I didn’t have to make it. It helped. I had another mom help with school pick up and drop off. I asked another mom to please walk my dog. People will gladly help if you ask and it’ll help ease the burden for awhile in the short term while you process and navigate this forced new life you have to live. People don’t want to intrude and I know I liked my own space so I picked what I needed help with. 

 

Drink water and and take care of yourself, if not for you, for the sake of your kids. They need strength and support too. They can see you cry because it’s natural after what you experienced but they need a parent to guide them and they can help be your source for inner strength. Don’t discount that. 

 

I’m almost 4 years out. My husband died at 40 and I have 2 girls. You are not alone. So many of us and I hate how we’ve had to have this shared experience of losing a loved one. Read here if it helps, vent if you need, and know we will read and will hear you. Hugs for you today! 

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Hi. You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone. I tell this to myself every night when I cry myself to sleep. I am so sorry you are here but I am glad you joined us. My husband was 41. He died 10 months ago. We have three children. I and all of us understand your pain and grief. This forum has helped me alot. Please please feel free to reach out to any of us. 

Julester3 said is right. Day by day. Even hour by hour. Grief comes in waves. 

 

Hugs to you and your children.

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You are not alone. I am 3.5 weeks in myself. My partner passed away at 41 years from a critical illness and still seems like it is a dream and not reality. I have found building a support system has helped to talk about it. As well as art therapy and journaling to him has helped me. We don’t have children but it is still a loss with pain but some relief as well over over the suffering. It has helped to be on forums too. 

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I am so sorry that you have to be a part of this group but I do hope this helps any way it can. 

Remember you are doing the best you can and by just putting one foot in front of the other is sometimes an accomplishment

and some days you may not even want to do that .

if possible when people offer to help Please take then up on it ! it does help  them and you.

hugs to you and your children 

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I rarely come on this part of the forum, it's too hard, but will just to say, I am 9 years out now, and it never gets 'easy' but it does get manageable, and you will build a new life, slowly. You will smile, and laugh, and maybe even love again. (Which sounds like some awful meme, but it's true). There is something about the finality of being widowed that forces you, eventually, to keep going, putting one foot in front of the other through the horror. Coming on the previous forum to this and reading posts from people further along was a great support for me. Don't be surprised if you look back one day and realise you were a little deranged at times. You will also be grateful to those who helped, even if it's a blur now. They will be like gold.  Nothing can stop the hurt, but as you go along and stand on your own feet again, you realise how great it was to have practical help, and a routine to hang your life off, distraction. Oh, and a sense of humour at times. Take care.

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I'm sorry you've had to join us here. I've been thinking about what I could post. Fairlanegirl said it perfectly! 

I'd like to add that if you have a chance to meet up with other wids in real life it helps immensely. I've formed some of the most rewarding friendships though here.

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