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Gone longer than I knew him

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End of this month he will be gone longer than I knew him. Its also the anniversary of the accident. We met and he died the exact same day of the year. So this year is a  dooozy. I've done better each year coping, honoring and moving through it. This year is hard. Covid has taken away many of my distractions and now we have reached that stupid date. I feel ungrounded. Old feelings are coming back. I think if he hadn't died I'd probably be a mother by now. Life is very different. Its crazy hes been gone that long. I'm rambling but I suppose one does that when its all bubbling out. I miss him. He showed me what real love is. Loyalty. Kindness. I was lucky. It hurts.

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I remember having the realization that I had lived in this house longer without my husband than I had with him. Sad.

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