Need perspective on Brother-in-law

[Lopez]

My in-laws and I check in on each other on occasion. My brother-in-law and I have only text a few times over the past year just to wish each other happy birthday, or a "thinking of you." However over the 4 to 5 times we have text each other he has twice made the topic of conversation my husband's movie collection. I lived with my in-laws including him the last 2 weeks before my husband was placed in the ICU and eventually passed. My husband was too sick for me to take care of alone near the end of his life as I had to work to pay bills and so we moved in with my in-laws. My husband stored our movie collection in his brother's room since ours was too small to fit the cabinet we stored them in. The day my husband died I moved in with my brother and slowly moved out of my in-laws place over about 2 months. I moved the movies along with many other items while my in-laws were out. As for the movies, I took what I believed to be mine and my husband's (mainly what was in the cabinet) and left some along with the cabinet for my brother-in-law to have to remember my husband by (We had discussed this in advance). Soon after, my brother-in-law asked to go through my movie collection because he thought he was missing some movies. I told him I didn't feel comfortable letting anyone go through my husband's stuff and he stopped asking. A year later he's asking again about the movies. He wants me to check if I have any of them and I feel strongly he may try to visit in the future to use the opportunity to go through the collection. These movies he's asking about are movies he bought at the flea market, around $1-$20 and there are only a handful of them. Can't he just go buy them again and leave me alone?? I am so frustrated with him and can't believe he would think this is ok. Am I wrong?

Edited August 15, 2020 by Lopez

[Julester3]

That’s rather odd. You were very upfront. I agree, why doesn’t he just get his own copies? When you are married and your spouse passes, his items are yours unless he willed them to someone else. Sorry he’s being a bother. 

[serpico]

I don’t understand the problem with him asking. If you inadvertently took some of his movies, shouldn’t he be able to get them back?

[trying2breathe]

Lopez.   Things take on a much different perspective after the death of a spouse.  Asking for movies seems intrusive, and I would have felt the same.  I probably would be thinking - my husband died and you're asking for something as trivial as this??!   But I don't think that you're wrong - it's a matter of perspective.  Those movies to your BIL might seem to be a lost connection to his brother.   Consider having a conversation with him to see what this is about - he might be trying to keep some kind of connection with his brother?  

[Wheelerswife]

My brother-in-law took my husband’s collection of second-hand bookstore bookmarks. Bookmarks!  I realize they meant something to him. A connection to his brother. But he should have asked. 
 

We don’t know what goes through other people’s heads. 

[Lopez]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I was able to see if I had doubles of anything and advised him so. This movie collection makes me emotional since my husband was chronically ill and we would curl up on the couch together  with a movie on his bad days and after hospital stays. He had a lot of favorites but of all time I would say the Iron Man movies.