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Hi I hate the term widow,but thats what i am. My husband died 3 weeks 3 days ago. I honestly cannt believe it.

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Hi Tigerlilly, I'm very sorry for your loss and pain.  This is a good place to share thoughts and ask for help and experiences from others who have gone though something very similar. I's been 4 years since I lost my wife when she was 39 years old.

 

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Hi paul, thank you for your reply.  I'm new at all this forum stuff, I am so sorry to hear about your wife, she was so young. My husband was 63 but a young 63, and it was cancer. I honestly carnt believe it never smoked,  wasnt a drinker, only a pint on a hot day in the garden.

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Tigerlilly   I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.  In the early days after my 49 y/o husband died I found a lot of comfort in the predecessor to this site.  There are many here also that understand loss of a spouse and can provide comfort.   I found it helpful to journal in my early days, and every day carved time out to actively grieve.  Take care of yourself, drink water, eat when you can, know that you are not alone.  A gentle hug to you ~ 

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Thank you so much.

It's when I have to deal with things I get overwhelmed, like today. I honestly felt like raising my hands up and giving up on life. For a few minutes I honestly felt like taking his tablets and joining him. I know what people can say and think but the depression is just overwhelming at times.xx

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Tigerlilly   In those early days, I did just what was necessary.  Some days it was getting out of bed and not much else, there were a lot of pajama days as I called them.  Take care of just what is needed, and ask for help with the rest.  I didn't act on it but remember not caring if I lived or died, but those feelings did pass.  If you are thinking of taking those tablets, please reach out.  Grief is overwhelming, and the early days are so very difficult but with time, it softens.  You are not alone - 

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Tigerlilly,

Remember to take many pauses, breathe, rest, drink PLENTY of water and on the days you need to, allow yourself to stay in bed and just go at your own pace. your. own. pace. no one else'. My husband was around the age of yours. I am thinking of you. Its' more than OK to feel lousy for awhile. I found a great therapist and that has also helped immeasurably. if there are any widow/widower groups in your area, I do know some are holding Zoom support groups. I've been considering joining one myself, but haven't yet. 

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Thank you to you both. Its reassuring that others feel that way, not caring if you do die. I am waiting on counselling from loros, so that is a plus. I will start on the water, I focused so much on my husband, as we all do. I am going to try and do something every day, friends are encouraging me to go back to cooking again, I have two grown up sons with me, my youngest is going back to college next week. I know how fortunate I am to have them, it's when the cold thoughts come into my head. Bless you both x

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 On the plus side, I think my boss paid me my regular wages for the two weeks I was out. When I went back, it did add structure to my days, at least. I had been back at work a week or so, when the boss excitedly told me of this new thing he was doing: he was making a to-do list every day. I remember thinking my list would be: 10:00 to 10:15 - don't cry. 10:15 to 10:30 - don't cry. 

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