Reliving events

[Tigerlilly]

Hi, I'm constantly reliving the events of my husband's death,  hearing the nurse say hes died, not feeling his heartbeat.  I still carnt believe it has happened.  I wish I could have signs hes with me. I just feel in shock and disbelief.  I 6dont feel the same person I'm bitter, and angry at others who are older than him and are ok(he was 63, but a young 63) cancer robbed me of him before he died. Constantly looking back. He has been gone 4 weeks.

[PaulZ]

Hi Tigerlilly, I did some reliving of the events of my wife's death as well (I did CPR on her).  I think that is normal.  I have on occasion felt signs she is still around me and believe in spirits.  While it is easy to turn to anger and bitterness, this will never let you find happiness again.  It took me many months before I could feel happy again about anything.  I'm sure your husband would want you to find happiness.  Eventually, hopefully there will be some smiles when you think of him, instead of tears.  This takes time.  Feeling grateful for the time we had with them can help you on the path to happiness again.  Unfortunately, life is not about fairness.  Life doesn't care if you were a kind, good person, or how you took care of your health.  Bad things happen to good people every day.  All we can do is live in a way that brings us peace and joy and let the chips fall where they may.  Please be easy on yourself and know the intensity of your pain will lessen in time.

[trying2breathe]

Tigerlilly    I also relived my husband's passing, it took awhile before I was okay with how things happened.  Eventually, as PaulZ says, you will smile when you think of him.  For me, the shock gradually began to wear off, reality settled in and slowly, slowly,  I started to feel better.    I'm so sorry that you've joined us here, I can understand the feelings that you are having.