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Thirteen Years Later Question


SamNE
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It has been thirteen years. I live in a new house after two moves since he died. I am finally going through boxes of memories. In one of the boxes were sympathy cards, cards that came with his funeral flowers and notifications of donations made in his memory. I reread every one of them, and there were many, with a full heart. I was so overwhelmed at the time he died, after a year of losing him by inches, I barely remember the weeks and months after, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. 
 

Gradually, I moved forward. I am in a good place now. But today, I read everything in that box and I had an awful thought. I do not remember if I wrote thank you notes for the flowers, the donations, for the meals people brought while he was dying. I feel a little heartsick now hoping I did but thinking maybe I didn’t. The anniversary of his death is coming up soon. is this a good time to reach out to some of those people with my honest gratitude? Perhaps telling them that I was unpacking memories and reminded anew of the caring they extended and how much their words, flowers and donations in his memory meant to me? Or is it too late? He was a well-known, well-loved man and many expressions came from his colleagues. Thank you for your thoughts.

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Hi. 
 

First, I don’t know if you sent notes to people and you don’t either. Please forgive yourself for any possible lapses you might have had. You were exhausted in so many ways back then. 
 

Second, what a wonderful idea to reach out to people at this point in time. I know that everything that people did for me was appreciated (and I have been widowed twice now.) People don’t really know if their actions made a significant difference when they send a card or food or just sit and hold someone’s  hand. By reaching out to them 13 years later, you remind them that it truly made a difference. 
 

In this pandemic we are all dealing with right now, I think that your reaching out to people (even if by time and circumstance you have lost touch) you will send a message that doing something is important and perhaps that will encourage someone to repeat the behavior they had towards you to someone else - or to acknowledge someone in their life who has been supportive of them in a time of crisis or need. 
 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

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It's never too late to thank people for kindness. Some funeral homes include thank you notes with the materials provided after the funeral. That's how I learned that my dad forgot to send them after my mom died. I sent them at that time. Several people contacted me once they receiver the notes. People were pleased to be remembered and it was nice to hear from old friends of my parents. 

 

 

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I just had my 9 year anniversary last week. It is different.  I moved, also, new home and new life.  It is surreal, like many here say.  My son has lived longer without his father.  I wonder about keeping all those things.  I have not looked at them in years.  Went to the cemetery this go around with my son, and he had not been there in 3 years.  

I have thought about contacting people, too. Thanking them for the role they played in helping me with my son afterwards.  I have toyed with doing a note everyday.  This pandemic can get you going on the negative or positive. I have not but I do FB and thank people there when it makes sense. 

I agree with everyone here.  It is never too late to tell someone you appreciated them in some way.  Right?  Thanks for verifying it for me!

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I am in a new life too, and it’s a good life, but there are so many times I still miss my DH. It’s a strange thing: I was on autopilot for almost a year, unable to manage much of anything, it was so hard to envision my way forward. I couldn’t sleep, drank more than was good for me, dated too soon, and just felt kind of lost. I had never lived alone before.The memorabilia from his passing just got put into a box and I moved it and stored it but didn’t look into it again until now. His birthday is coming up and the anniversary of his passing is also, and opening that box and reading all the notes and cards and things I had saved made to realize how much love and support was around him and me. I wish I could remember if I acknowledged them, I hope I did, but I think it would be a good time to reach out now. Thank you for the affirmation here. I have not been a frequent poster in this group but I have visited and read regularly off and on and have felt so much understanding and fellowship just being here. 

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SamNE   Gosh I relate to your post, seven years out and I also don't remember acknowledging everything that was done for us after he died.  Several of his colleagues came in from out of town for his service, and I'm pretty sure that I never acknowledged their kind presence there.  I was in a free fall for a few years and was struggling to manage the basics, I will also reach out and send some long overdue thank yous. ❤️ 

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TtB I have been thinking about how to frame my letters. I don’t want to say I might have forgotten. Instead, I am telling them I opened the box for the first time since his passing and reread  all the cards sent while he was ill, and after he died. Looked at the list of flowers sent, donations made, and was overcome with such a sense of gratitude, realizing anew how many people cared, were there for him and for me. The anniversary of his death is coming up and I wanted to remind them how much their expressions mattered then and made a difference. Each one will be a personal and specific note. 
 

Then, I feel that I can part with these sad momentos. 
 

Thank you for responding, and to all who understand. 
Sam 

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  • 3 weeks later...

My DH has been gone now for 8.5 years. I know I didn't send thank you cards to everybody. I remember trying to work through the list and I think I only got halfway. Every now and then it'll pop in my head that I didn't finish the list and I'll regret not acknowledging the kindness shown to us. Your post has inspired me to pull out the box, find the list that I know I made for myself and at least finish it. Maybe even send others notes of gratitude as well. Thank you.

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