UnWed Widows, come out come out where ever you are!

[Vintage_lover]

This is my first post. I found my significant other of nearly 11 years on the couch Friday morning Dec 8th. He was 30, I'm 29. He would go through bouts every couple months where he would throw up for 4 or 5 days straight. He would never go to a doctor about it, very stubborn. He was sick his last week but told me his last night that he was starting to feel better, he just needed to get some fluids in him. When he was sick he would sleep on the couch and I in the bed. He didn't tell me or his family that this time he was throwing up blood and lots of it. We believe he had stomach ulcers that ruptured, but we haven't received all the results and official cause of death yet.

 

I felt him come in the bedroom and lay down at some point in the night. The cat woke me up at 5 that morning and he was gone. I assumed he laid back down on the couch. I woke up at 7:45 and found him sitting up and gone. He'd been gone for a while when I found him. It was absolute shock. He told me he was getting better. Him having stomach ulcers or something that could kill him never crossed my mind, especially at only 30 years old.

 

We were never very traditional. I didn't mind that we weren't technically married. He was my best friend and we both just assumed we'd be together our entire lives. We were so similar. We loved the same music, we loved everything old, we loved adding to our vintage collections. Older people we knew would always joke about how we were born in the wrong time.

 

Us not being married, doesn't necessarily bother me. His family has all told me that they will always see me as family and as far as they're concerned we were married essentially. What bothers me is that we had no children. We hadn't been together long when I found out I was pregnant. I was only 19 or 20 and I was scared to death. He was excited. I miscarried in the first couple months. In the last couple years I had kept track of my cycles and we'd tried but nothing ever happened. His mom told me that here lately he'd tell her he was going to make her a grandbaby as he'd be walking out the door of her house and she'd tell him to get on it. It never happened though. His mom has been excellent to me throughout everything. She's only asked for very little in the way of his items and has asked for my opinion at every turn because she says I knew what he liked and wanted. So I'm appreciative for that.

 

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks and the past week I've just been in a weird stage of numbness. Sometimes a wave will take me down for a while but for the most part I feel numb and just confused as to what to do.

 

I hate that I am part of this group now, but I am thankful that I came across it. I know I am going to need support and my family is the type who I have a feeling will expect me to get over this far quicker than is possible and they aren't always the share your emotions type people. So I'm thankful there is some type of outlet where I can be honest with my feelings and not feel pressured to sweep them under the rug.