Needytoo Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Monday I agreed to go to this lecture on ?beyond grieving?. She would ask the audience questions but no one would answer it. So I thought what the heck, I will participate. She asked what I do outside work and home. I told her about my art lessons etc and that sometimes I go out with my friends. She said I have STERBS (Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors) and that I have to go back to my childhood and find what was my first loss so I can move on since my STERBS aren?t helping me. WTF? I wanted to take a strip off her and I was just about to when an elderly widower tapped me on the shoulder and said ?it isn?t worth it.? This ?expert? sure ruined my night and I am still pissed. Thanks for reading my vent. Tonight going over to another widow?s house to have coconut & lime wine, wonder what the ?expert? would think about that!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 STERB? It has a name? Because pretty much everyone does this widowed or not. And what's wrong with diverting hobbies and interaction anyway? Your old widower was right. Not worth it. Clearly this expert was peddling the latest self-help nonsense. And probably no one ever invites that expert out for STERBS anyway. Enjoy yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I think artists would also be pretty offended by this. Creativity and self-expression are mere coping mechanisms now?! Yuck. What would she call it if someone raised their hand and said they centered their career around grief? (Not that there's anything wrong with it, but through the lens of her own thinking - wow. Glass houses.) Don't give her a second thought. STERBS? She's an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 ?She said I have STERBS (Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors) and that I have to go back to my childhood and find what was my first loss so I can move on since my STERBS aren?t helping me.? Hmm? Let me think! HOW did I feel when 'Squishy', my goldfish, died when I was five years old?? Perhaps I should channel Dr. Freud. ;D - Maybe she wants to drum up some business for personal therapy sessions. "Some folks are wise, some are otherwise!" -- Unknown Enjoy your time with your friend! ATJ Edited to add: I did by NO means want to make light of early, very sad childhood losses, which, I am sure, do influence our feeling toward future losses. But that is a subject for a different seminar, I believe. Her reply to your statement was inappropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluebird Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Good grief! REALLY? I think it's a sign of a lecturer that cares more about getting a particular teaching point across than listening to the answer of the participant. Ugh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mokie Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong with short term energy-releasing behaviors? Wouldn't that be a HEALTHY thing? Maybe I should stop my exercise classes. : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Lots of people call themselves experts who are not. This one ticks me off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Lots of people call themselves experts who are not. This one ticks me off I was at a pub once and a guy gave me his card, it had his name and number but his title was 'Expert' nothing else, just 'Expert' -- I got a giggle from that. One of my BFF's (an older gay man) says: 'You can throw away parenting advice from the childless, relationship advice from a Catholic priest and grieving advice from someone that has not experienced death, dying or profound loss... ' --- I'm wondering what STERBS Lady's creds were on a HUMAN level, and am happy she found something that works ready made in the can for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 " She said I have STERBS (Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors) and that I have to go back to my childhood and find what was my first loss so I can move on since my STERBS aren?t helping me." A man who I declined to become involved with tried playing amateur psychologist. Knowing I had had surgery while very young, he theorized i had been shut off from my family during recovery and hadn't learned to accept love. No, I recovered in a crib in the living room. I was probably in the hospital only a week, and when I said I missed the dog, Mom and Dad drove her to the hospital and parked outside the window so I could see her. My Mom was a stay-at-home Mom at the time, and supplied me with tons of books and crafts and (oh!! my FAVORITE!!!) ****Glitter Paints**** Let me guess, was the expert humping her new book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlebirdie Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 She asked what I do outside work and home. I told her about my art lessons etc and that sometimes I go out with my friends. She said I have STERBS (Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors) and that I have to go back to my childhood and find what was my first loss so I can move on since my STERBS aren?t helping me. WTF? How does she know they're not helping you? She doesn't know a single thing about you. Quack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Personally I think the coconut and lime wine is the best STERB so far. Very effective. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Urban dictionary defines "Sterb" as a chronic masturbator. I guess that fits in with the energy releasing behaviors, lol! Sorry the lecture ended up being a big waste of your time, stick with the art lessons sounds like a great outlet to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Gawd.. My Momna always said if you want to be known as an expert in something....speak at an out of town event and carry an expensive briefcase (she was one of those National Education speakers on the circuit in the 70s and 80s) Guess she forgot to add must have a ridiculous anagram for a made up behavior. Should've held up a sign STFU!!! ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdbucket Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 STERBS sounds like a STD. what the hell is that anyway? The things 'experts' come up with is beyond me. edited to add: that she is seriously diSTERBed. hahaha thought of that one walking away from computer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 This is truly sad when you think about it, right along the lines of what we have discussed off and on about "professional widow/ers" and people profiting from loss. The sad thing is I am sure there are people that fall for these lines of BS and it further inhibits any progress they make on their own grief journey. Grief never ends, it just changes shape I read somewhere. So people going to these meetings looking for an end to it or a way out, are all going to be sadly disappointed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candace Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Grief never ends, it just changes shape I read somewhere. So people going to these meetings looking for an end to it or a way out, are all going to be sadly disappointed. It took me almost 3 years to realize that you never get to stop missing them; and that no matter how many years pass, you can still be blindsided and bring you down to your knees because of a simple trigger; a memory, a song, those tough times when you need them still so desperately. And you remain astonished that the pain can still be so devastating. No, grief never ends, It's always there it seems, lurking in the shadows, waiting for those times when you beleive you have found acceptance and moved on to reappear and bring back those painful memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Questions Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think she has NIWSTA - No Idea what she's taking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think she has NIWSTA - No Idea what she's taking about. Good one, @Questions !! ;D ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissinGrizz Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I looked it up, and in addition to it meaning what she says, it's on Urban Dictionary as practicing excessive masturbation. It's too bad you didn't know that beforehand. You could have had so much fun with her! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 I really wish I knew the urban dictionary meaning before this lecture I most likely would have said something. This "expert" was far beyond any expert. I ran into a few people that were attendance and they feel the same way. I do worry about the newbies because she was in my opinion so far off. You do need to grieve but you also need to put your self first and in when you are ready you might want to explore new hobbies and live your life because we all know it can be cut short. I enjoy my STERBS and I am thankful for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat538 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 That's ridiculous! She has no clue. It should be a good thing, how else can you survive from day to day. Enjoy your wine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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