maddalena Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 this is pretty outrageous. I would have reported her! I don't have the most outrageous comment to report. What's most surprising is who said it to me. It was the facilitator of my widow support group! I started going there about 2-3 months after Catherine died, because I became openly enraged with people at work. I wasn't asking anybody for advice on how to deal with losing my wife; I had already made up my mind about that: The first place I went each day was to visit Catherine's grave (this is still true) I stayed at home most of the time when I wasn't at work. I didn't want to talk to other people (no longer true). When I did leave the house, I made sure I was well-dressed in slacks and a sport jacket (also no longer true). People were more polite to me because of that. I explained this to her and the group on the very first night I attended. She responded by asking the group Does anyone else find it helpful to wear a 'suit of armor' like Mark does? I thought it was a stupid remark. It wasn't the last one I heard from her. She frequently tried to present the customs I adopted as some kind of weakness. I stopped going there around February or March. I now have something better to do on that night of the week. Honestly, if somebody told you they attended your support group because of rage issues, why would say provocative things to them? |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidsKtBeth Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Dave's ashes were divided up between me and his family and I had a number of people ask me which half of his body I recieved. This mostly came from guys in their 20s. They all made it clear they hope I got his dick.. fucking ass hats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 A few months after DH died my sister said"Well, if you look on the bright side-at least you are young enough to find another man. You still look good-if this happened in ten years it might not be so easy to get someone" HUH???????????????????????????????????????????? Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedmensa Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 A few months after DH died my sister said"Well, if you look on the bright side-at least you are young enough to find another man. You still look good-if this happened in ten years it might not be so easy to get someone" HUH???????????????????????????????????????????? Pat I am soooo sick of hearing, "Oh, you're young enough to find another man." It isn't the lack of a man that makes me sad, it is the lack of a specific man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fern Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 texts from friends and family I haven't heard from or seen since the memorial service: ?hope you?re well!? ?hope you?re coping better!? ?hope you're looking after yourself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran721 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 The MINISTER at my boyfriend's funeral (less than a week after he passed) told me I would move on because I was young. I wanted to slap him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidsKtBeth Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Today I learned that being a widow and in a long distance relationship are basically the same thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Today I learned that being a widow and in a long distance relationship are basically the same thing... As someone who is both, just wow. And f no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyondlife Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Mine was when a fellow young widow told me "to look in the mirror" when I lamented on the other board that I would probably never know the reasons behind my DH's suicide. I have no words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyondlife Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't have the most outrageous comment to report. What's most surprising is who said it to me. It was the facilitator of my widow support group! I started going there about 2-3 months after Catherine died, because I became openly enraged with people at work. I wasn't asking anybody for advice on how to deal with losing my wife; I had already made up my mind about that: The first place I went each day was to visit Catherine's grave (this is still true) I stayed at home most of the time when I wasn't at work. I didn't want to talk to other people (no longer true). When I did leave the house, I made sure I was well-dressed in slacks and a sport jacket (also no longer true). People were more polite to me because of that. I dressed nice everyday for about a year (I was afraid if I didn't, I wouldn't get dressed at all) I made my bed every morning as soon as I got out of bed (afraid if I didn't, I'd never leave it. I hate making the bed) People suck I explained this to her and the group on the very first night I attended. She responded by asking the group Does anyone else find it helpful to wear a 'suit of armor' like Mark does? I thought it was a stupid remark. It wasn't the last one I heard from her. She frequently tried to present the customs I adopted as some kind of weakness. I stopped going there around February or March. I now have something better to do on that night of the week. Honestly, if somebody told you they attended your support group because of rage issues, why would say provocative things to them? |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyondlife Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 2 people, yes 2, said "I wish it had been my husband instead of yours. We don't even like each other" The second time I did respond " I wish it had been yours too" Previously very close friend "You'll be married again in a few months" Umm, I didn't marry Grant until I was 47. First for both of us. 5 years later I still haven't dated. Grant fell from a tree while hunting. Man at work said to my co-workers "He probably jumped just to get away from her" BTW, this is a man who, when he was very ill, I took food up to ICU for his family 3-4 times, took snuggly blankets, etc. When our boss scheduled a meeting with him, he quit. Ask me again why I don't like people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Dave's ashes were divided up between me and his family and I had a number of people ask me which half of his body I recieved. This mostly came from guys in their 20s. They all made it clear they hope I got his dick.. fucking ass hats. Tim's mother and I split his ashes. When I told my boss this, she jokingly said - "I hope you got the good half." My gaze shot to the floor and tears welled up in my eyes. I said softly - "I don't really joke about that." So yeah - even women in their late 50s - WHO REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY THEN - say stupid shit like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 "Think of it as a fresh start. " Obviously made by someone that didn't know us very well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorGirl Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 From my new guy's mother to him: "She just needs to get over it. It's not like she's the only person in the world who has ever lost someone to cancer." Needless to say, we will never be close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Oh God, the "you'll find someone else, don't worry" lines. But at least they're trying to be nice. I file that in with the people who want me to desperately to convert to their brand of religion so I can hook up with my late wife in the afterlife. They mean well. I guess. Having lost my wife to cancer, the ones I really hate are the questions about her lifestyle. "What did she eat?" "Did she smoke?" etc. I just want to tell them she chain smoked asbestos cigarettes while eating fried meat byproducts, just to satisfy them. Truth is, she took way better care of her health than most, possibly because she fought various ailments throughout her life. But the idea of random luck killing an awesome person is too much for them to take. At least that's my theory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjs1989 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 All of these posts are gems. Here are a few of mine. At the visitation: The random guy who asked me, 'Wow, when did he get so gray??" The neighbor who said," I'm going to take you out and get you drunk tonight!" A couple of days after the funeral: The friend of his who asked, " I'd like to have the first opportunity to buy his boat." Same guy said, "I'll bet he was really scared right before the accident." One week after the funeral: The friend who came to visit and cheerfully asked me, " So, are you doing better?" One year after the funeral: My dad was dying and as I became emotional over further loss, my brother told me in no uncertain terms, "This is about Dad now, not D!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fern Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Quixote, I hear you on the "did she smoke?" kind of questions. My DH had lung cancer. He never smoked, was vegetarian, thin, fit, etc, etc. People ask "how long did he smoke?" in a knowing kind of way. "Never!" I always say, and this seems so shocking to people. I think it makes people frightened that something so random could happen to them too. And, as everyone here has learned, we know it could. I feel a need to protect our 5 year old, who asks what did Dadda do to get so sick? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedmensa Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 A couple of days after the funeral: The friend of his who asked, " I'd like to have the first opportunity to buy his boat." I had a neighbor stop by when he heard DH had died and ask if he could buy our boat. The vultures sure come out if they feel they can strike a deal. When I picked up his ashes from the funeral home I hefted the box and said, "Wow...it's heavier than I expected." The guy actually said, "Just like a bag of sugar." My daughter and I shared a shocked look and left before I had a chance to bitch slap him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Fern, I was going to reply the same thing. The stigma attached to lung cancer is insane. My DH died of lung cancer also. I remember for some people that's the 1st thing they asked. Like WTF...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 My brother-in-law for DH2 was more "subtle" about wanting his stuff, I guess. Not soon after he arrived from out-of-town after DH2 died, maybe an hour, we were sitting and having a conversation. Having been through this before, I was trying to very sensitively explain how challenging it is to lose a spouse, to see and touch and move their things... So he says to me, "We should talk about his will!" Me: "He has a will, I'm the executor, and everything goes to me." At least that shut him up. I never did tell him that he wasn't even a secondary beneficiary of his brother's will. I did eventually tell him to let me know what he was interest in having, and that whenever I got to the point of being able to go through his things, anything I didn't want, he could have first crack at. So far, I haven't really gotten anywhere near the things he is interested in. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danidee Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 My fiance died after an 18 month run with lung cancer. The last few months go hard and I worked from home 90% of the time, so people in my office were aware of what was going on. At the visiting hours we held three days after he died, a woman I worked with came through the line. She looked at me and said, "I think part of you was ready for this." It's been 9 weeks since he died, and I cannot see this woman without my blood boiling. I want to turn her around and point to his ashes surrounded by pictures and ask if she wanted to rethink that. Also at the visiting hours, two young girls he had worked with came up to me giggling telling me they were here to see my ring. He had proposed on July 3. We were going to be married September 19. He died August 11. So not the time. And one more from the visiting hours. A man he worked with was talking to his sister and I. He asked how his relationship with his son was before he died. (Life with his son wasn't the best) He asked about our wedding. And he finished up with, "how was it at the end? Pretty bad?" His sister and I were too stunned to even respond, but I wished we had said.. well, he died, so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I remembered this one today: After DW's graveside service, my uncle asked me what kind of car I was driving. Really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 This one was luckily at close to 2 years so I was a little tougher. Meeting a new neighbor after we moved this summer, an absolutely gorgeous Brazillian woman, with an equally gorgeous husband and young daughter, dripping in expensive jewelry and designer clothes (there are lakefront houses in my neighborhood that are quite a bit more expensive than ones like mine off the water). We were doing the exchange of facts and when she asked about what my husband does for a living, I matter of factly stated that he passed away. She literally held her hand up in front of my face, told me to stop speaking of such things because she doesn't like to hear about anything sad. Well, I haven't exactly invited her over for tea since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjs1989 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 She literally held her hand up in front of my face, told me to stop speaking of such things because she doesn't like to hear about anything sad. Well, I haven't exactly invited her over for tea since then. OMG, Trying, I think I would have spit on her hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 kjs, even just 6 months earlier she probably would have been assaulted with an angry, crying, tirade from me! Now, I look at people who appear to have perfect lives and think, lord help her if tragedy strikes, spoiled bitch. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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