tk74 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 My first post in the '6 to 12 Months' forum. Seven months, one day to be exact. It's been a few months since I've been on here. My stepdaughter and I moved last month to a new house. I guess I don't have to tell you guys how hard it was living there or how hard it was leaving there. Nonetheless it needed to happen. We love our new house and neighborhood. Bella's boyfriend is just two blocks down the street. They started 'dating' a week before her mother passed. My wife, Chanty, adored the kid. So it's really helped Bella through these difficult times. She's 16 btw. I've been very optimistic about our new season. Staying busy around the new house, there's always something to do or buy. Walking in the evenings still and dropped 30lbs. Things were progressing nicely. Then the unthinkable happens. This passed Monday, my father-in-law, in his grief committed suicide. He was bi-polar and been in such a dark place since Chanty's death. Such a sweet guy, we had grown very close. I'm sure you can imagine how hard this week has been. As if the floodgates had been opened. I'm an emotional disaster all over again. If you pray, keep us in your prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I'm so sorry TK74. Sounded like life was just starting to turn around a bit for both of you. Hugs and prayers for both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 So sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your FIL. I can understand how it would have you reeling once again, despite the forward progress you've made. Heartbreaking. Sending you positive thoughts and a tight hug... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I am so sorry for the devastating loss of your FIL. Saying a prayer for all of your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 How devastating I am so very very sorry for the fresh trauma your family is being put through. No child should have to lose her mother and her grandfather so closely , and so tragically. We are all here for you, please remember that should you need shoulders to listen or cry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingMyJon Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss, it is so sad and tragic. And heartbreaking for you and your daughter. Sending you hugs, and am hoping that you can find strength during such a tough time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I am sending positive thoughts to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I am so, so sorry. ((((Hugs))))) Peace to you and Bella... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBB Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 TK I am so very sorry to hear this. I really know how it feels to have the rug pulled out from under you again in such a short time. Sending you a ton of hugs. Cyndi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I wish there was something better I could say than to just tell you I am so very sorry. I do pray, and I will gladly keep you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 I'm so sorry for the additional loss in your family. Praying for your family and that you and your daughter keep close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I am so sorry for your family's loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursula Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 So sorry. This is so hard. Thinking of you two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 TK74, I am so sorry for both of your losses. That is so much pain to bear. I am bipolar and came incredibly close to ending my life a few months after my wife died by suicide also. Those with mental illness are dangerously vulnerable after a loss, although many of we widows experience suicidal ideation in some form or another. I hope you and Bella understand that there was absolutely nothing more you could do to help your FIL. Sending you positive energy from the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K+F Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I am so very, very sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tk74 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Thanks for all the encouraging words. Gracelet, I'm so very sorry for your struggle, your daily battle; I know it's hard. As for my father in law, I didn't know him for many, many years; but the time we shared, I knew him as family. He was caring, affectionate and heartfelt. He was quick to make me feel part of his family and always treated me as a friend and a son. In the last year he was someone I could lean on and depend on. We grieved together, cried together and tried our best to encourage one another as we dared to walk through this difficult season without ?our girl?. And just like that, the reset button to my broken and fragile soul had been hit, starting the entire grieving process over. ?Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.? - C.S. Lewis Maybe it's the normal ebb and flow of the newly bereaved, or a basic internal 'grief' clock we're all equipped with, but I awake every morning knowing the exact number of days (and weeks) since she passed. Until recently, I've never been so aware of the difference between time and seasons of time. Time moves on, seasons meddle. Time continues at it's usual pace and days quickly move forward; yet this season of grieving lingers. It simply spins round and round in a vast vortex of whirling emotions. Hovering, waiting, then returning without warning. Today, it's been 294 days - exactly eight months and twenty-one days. With even her 'absence' always on the forefront of my mind, how much more would my memories of her presence invade my soul and bring both joy and sorrow? I guess the ultimate goal and prayer is that sorrow and grief eventually turn to joy and gratitude. I'm slowly finding that grief, while remaining true to itself, is changing over time. I no longer question God or come home from work each day and weep. The tears are now occasionally triggered by certain songs or memories, even a voicemail I saved just to hear her sweet voice from time to time. Eventually focus will shift to the season ahead, regardless of the reluctant abandon of the current one and the still, small voice of God will once again direct my path. Before being faced with such a tragedy, there are a million little things you have no way of knowing or how to be prepared for. The first few months I dreaded nightfall, because I knew what was waiting. Losing a spouse is never more real than when you're lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and knowing you'll never hold them again. And this realization is yours to repeat, every... single... night. We didn't have the luxury of being together ten or twenty years or enjoy a harvest of having children 'together', as she was too sick even from the beginning of our relationship. We both knew the likelihood of growing old together was slim, but we thought we at least had another ten years together; at least that's what I held on to. If the amount you grieve is based on the amount you loved, then I'm in for quite a ride. I can only surmise whether it's five years or fifty years, time is not the true measure of love or loss, nor is it the summit of what was gained. Time is relative, temporary and fleeting at best. For Chanty and I, longevity was, by nature, overrated and presumptuous. Rather, give me five short years of unbridled joy with someone who redefines the term best friend, passion with one who unequivocally embodies the word soulmate and the kind of love that would make you relive every single day of it. In the end, that's all we really needed and all our story could possibly tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Beautifully put. I am so sorry for the additional loss for your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 What amazing and thoughtful words for both your sweet wife and your father in law. I'm sitting at my desk at work with tears welling up in my eyes. What a lucky woman your Chanty was, to be loved by such kind and intelligent souls like your FIL and yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tk74 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I appreciate your very kind words. So, I've found a 'GriefShare' group to attend. It starts tomorrow night. I'm not the 'group' type of person (INFP), so it's a really big deal for me. It's about twenty-five miles from home, about twelve to twenty people attending (hopefully a good age range). I just need to try something different, it has to be worth a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I hope it went well for you! Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I attended Grief Share and it did help me. I recommend it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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