kailee

A little over four months in. The loss still takes my breath away, but I feel ready to venture out into the world of the living a bit at a time.

The problem is that other than one friend I have had from childhood, I do not have anyone in my life who is not part of a couple--and I mean specifically who were not our couple friends. We really didn't have individual friends; our social circle is 100% made up of people where the four of us were friends together. I don't know how to make friends, forge some kind of new identity, even just talk to people by myself and not as half of a marriage, but I am starting to feel like I want to.

Where and how to start?

I am so sorry, Abby, for your pain. I am glad you found this forum. It is all very fresh for me--day 64 without him--but I have found it so helpful to know I'm not alone in what I am going through. It's incomprehensible, but I'm not alone. And neither are you!

Wow. Thank you for reposting this. I wish I didn't understand every word of it. I hate this club we are all in.

The isolation is so hard.  No one's lives are razed like ours are, and it becomes so clear.  I felt abandoned especially by his friends, who I thought would bring me comfort because they too loved him - but they disappeared for the most part, and it hurt - not to have a community of rememberers.

We had just moved to a new city, before we really had a chance to even meet people, let alone really make friends, my husband was diagnosed (six months after relocating) and died five months after diagnosis. I have/we had no one here who is important to or close to me, and the people in our life who were important over the years are silent--the actual physical distance between us makes us easy to forget, I guess. The isolation is horrendous. I am so lonely, and I don't want to be around anyone. A paradox, but true nevertheless.

Oh Monique,

I could have written all of this as well...early on.  I know you hear it all the time, but it gets better. Sure there are still moments when any one or several of the things you wrote still apply. But thankfully only for short bursts of time and I'm able to move through them.

I believe it gets easier. I believe that. I really, really do.

But get better? I can't believe it will ever be better. He will always be gone. Everything we had ever wanted and ever planned for and ever dreamed of is impossible. So the pain may dull, but it will never be gone. Not for me. Not for this. That's a reality that I can't look at full on, at least not yet. I don't know what I am supposed to do with it.

I'm at about 3 months, and every day seems a little harder than the last. Nothing has any meaning anymore. Can someone PLEASE wake me up from this nightmare? Or at least put me out of my misery?

I completely get this post. I am sorry for your loss, for my loss, for everyone's loss. Even in my most lucid and accepting moments, I know this is such a raw deal and it's nearly impossible to process. Not day by day for me but minute by minute. xoxo

@TooSoon Thank you so much for your reply. It makes me feel like I have not actually lost my mind completely during this whole disaster. I am definitely still in shock and the worst part is still to come, but I just can't let myself go there yet.

It's been six weeks since the love of my life--my everything--died after a brief but horrendous illness. I have to do "things" to function--work at a demanding job, find somewhere to live (can't stay where I am), help the kids with their lives, take the dog out, remember to eat....

But in order to manage all these necessary activities, I have to live in a state of perpetual semi-denial. If I look at my loss straight in the face, I fall apart. So I have to keep tamping it down. Taking time off is simply not an option right now if I want to stay employed. But I know perfectly well that my delayed grief is just going to make things even worse down the road.

How do you all handle this?