TLD110166

3 hours ago, Sera said:

It's been over 2 years since my husband died, and I thought it might help someone if I wrote down the things I found to help me at the beginning.

 

Firstly, I remember how physical it was. From the moment I learned he was dead, it felt like a physical crack was violently opening in my life. I could almost hear it. And I definitely felt the shockwaves that flowed from it.

 

In the first week, I couldn't eat or sleep. Eating was unbearable because I was constantly feeling nauseated as if I was on a neverending nightmarish loop of an amusement park ride. Sleeping was impossible since each time I would close my eyes, even blinking, I would see flames and hear such loud screams as if I was peeping into a classic version of hell.

 

I started drinking red wine before bed, to be able to fall asleep. While I was able, at a certain point, to fall asleep, I was waking up exhausted and hungover. Drinking also contributes to a bad emotional state. I knew  I had to find another solution. Sleeping pills were for me out of the question since I had bad experiences with them before and don't trust pills in general. Also, they are addictive and I was trying to prevent a situation in which I am dependant on something.

 

A friend of my husband saw me one evening and realized I had sleeping issues, and pulled out a small bag of weed. Mind you where I live weed is legal.

 

I never enjoyed smoking as it made me overthink and just generally weird, but I tried it that night and it worked like magic. I fell asleep very easily, and the quality of my sleep was better. I woke up almost normal. After that, I did some research and realized using a vaporizer is a better option, since it doesn't burn and doesn't hurt the lungs, and releases less THC. My friends gathered together an bought me a vaporizer for my birthday.

 

And I can say that it has saved my life. 

 

I now have a way to deal with any sleep issues. This method doesn't have any side effects besides eating a bit of sweets. I make sure I get the Indica kind which is calmer and doesn't winds up the brain. I make sure it is clean and preferably organic.

 

Now, after more than 2 years, I have trouble enjoying my life. The weed helps with that too. I can suddenly be more relaxed, friendlier, light-spirited and sweet like I used to when my husband was alive.

 

Also, I recommend eating well. I didn't, for around 6 months, and no matter how healthy I eat since those first 6 months, all of the weight I gained then is staying and is very much interfering with living my life better. I didn't have anyone to cook for me, but if you might have someone that can help with the food - use that! 

 

❤️

I had the opposite problem. All I wanted to do was sleep. I don't think I ate anything at all for about the 1st 9 days after I lost my husband. His death was sudden, and I still have trouble believing he's gone. He developed a Pulmonary Embolism,  after breaking his leg, which killed him. We were together a little over a year, but only married 68 days when he passed away.

If it hadn't been for my ESA Shadow, they would have lost me too, since I would have mourned myself to death. I tried to upload a picture of her in her ESA vest, but the site wouldn't let me.

The 1st anniversary of my husband's passing is on 1-23-19. Our 1st wedding anniversary would have been 11-17-18. We were married just 68 days. 

My dog Shadow. I don't know what I'd do without her......

Only do what is absolutely necessary in the first days/weeks after your spouse/partner/SO passes away. Make sure that you take care of you. Don't isolate yourself.

My husband gave me detailed instructions on where he wanted certain items to go to after he passed away. That helped me immensely! The rest of his belongings, I sorted through as time went by, and only got rid of those things that were no longer needed.

On 4/30/2018 at 4:10 PM, Portside said:

Very nice. 

 

Mike

Thank you. 

Thank you. I finally was able to talk to the person handling the teamsters pension claim. I have to fax them his birth certificate, my birth certificate, our marriage certificate, and his death certificate. The rules in Chicago only allow someone to order a copy of their own birth certificate, or their child's, or parents. Spouses aren't allowed to. Fortunately, I have a copy of his birth certificate in the safety deposit box at the bank.

Thank you. It's been a rough few months.

I found this among my late husband's papers, in the last box of his things I had to sort through.

The Day You Were Called Home

God looked around His garden,

And He found an empty place.

He then looked down upon this earth.

He saw your tired face,

And lifted you to rest.

God's garden must be beautiful,

He always takes the best.

He saw that the road was getting rough,

And the hills were hard to climb.

He closed your weary eyelids,

And whispered, “Peace be thine”.

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn't go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day God called you home.

I lost my husband of 2 months on January 23rd. I'm no longer trying to deal with a million and one things at once, and it hit me in the face a couple of days ago that my husband is gone, and I'm alone.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've thought about trying to find a job, to give me something to do, and to bring in a bit of extra income. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find anything. I'm disabled, can only work part time, and in a job I can do sitting down. I'm night blind, so I can only take a job where I'd be going to and from during daylight hours. Due to living out in the middle of the country, there's really nothing within 30 miles other than retail, cleaning, and hotels.

I have an appointment in early June, to file for the social security death and survivor's benefits, but will probably be denied, even though the claims are being filed under their accidental death rules, since we weren't married for a year when he passed away. I've appealed the ruling from the VA that I don't qualify for any benefits as a surviving spouse, since we weren't married a year. The Teamsters was notified a few days after Jim passed away, but I have yet to hear anything on my claim for his pension. That was filed 3 months ago. I've called several times, but have never been able to talk to the person actually working on the claim.

At this point, I'm beyond frustrated.......

My husband and I were only married for 2 months when he passed away, so I don't qualify for the death payment or survivor's benefits. If I'd qualified, I could have collected them now, even though I'm only 51, because I'm disabled.

Thanks everyone. I'm just taking things one day at a time. Due to only having been married for 2 months when my husband passed away, I don't qualify for the Social Security death payment, or survivor's benefits. I also don't qualify for the VA survivor's pension. The VA told me I can't be considered to be a surviving spouse, since we weren't married a minimum of a year.

Personally, I think they're using the short amount of time we were married as an excuse to deny me the benefits I'm entitled to as my husband's widow.

Hi, my name is Tammy. My husband and I got married on 11-17-17. In the early morning of 1-23-18, he passed away, due to a blood clot caused when he fell and broke his hip on the night of 1-21-18.  :'(